Bre

You can't rush the common cold (in which this really has nothing to do with the cold)

9:15 PM

Elijah's sick. His first time being sick ever. This is some sort of milestone, right? Maybe that's not the right word. A right of passage for me as the mama? Sure, it feels like it at least. I've never actually felt so helpless since he's been born. I'm putting saline drops in his nose, propping his head up when he sleeps, nursing him "up hill", etc but there's really nothing I can do to actually fix this. It's a common cold that must run its course. Last night was pretty awful. He woke up as much as normal but could hardly nurse so he wasn't able to go back to sleep as fast. Somewhere around 4 am when Elijah literally refused to nurse (shook his head every time I offered) I laid him back down on the pillow and Kaleb and I listened to him cry. There was nothing else we could do. He didn't want us to touch him, he didn't want to nurse, he didn't want his soothie. He just cried.

There it was. The picture clearly set before me in the form of my son and his cold. Funny how God speaks to mama's in the wee hours of the morning. This seemed familiar to me though the resemblance would have been hard for anyone else to see.

This looks like the moment I gave up.

Curled on the bathroom floor in my dorm, crying, sick, letting the night spill out and roll down the curves of my face. I didn't want it. Any of it. The life I was living, the way I felt night after night when all of the bad decisions were made and all I could do was hope that I had finally learned my lesson but knowing deep down that I hadn't. I felt the comfort and the peace trying to rush upon me but I shook my head in an act of refusal to feel better. He offered and I rejected time and time again. Sure, yea, God could have snapped His fingers and made my heart change before I could even pick myself up off the floor but how would I have learned? I had to want the change. I had to embrace him and decide to live differently. And I did not long after that night but how I got there is what makes it a testimony of how good my King actually is.

Sometimes I lose my patience with others especially when I'm the one discipling them or trying to at least (now I know how all the women felt who were trying to disciple me in my early years). I forget just how long it took me to reach back and finally allow God to fill me up. I forget the different moments that had to happen for me to finally see that it wasn't worth it. I think He also gently reminded me of this because it's so easy for me to forget how far I've actually come and how much work He is still doing. Even tonight I noticed it. When we were walking around Target I went straight to the swimsuit section and started looking at some very tasteful and cute one piece suits. I've never done that before. Modesty is a new territory for me in which I hadn't embraced until after Elijah was born. It wasn't something I strived toward when I first started my walk and I see that more and more as my life shifts and changes; He teaches me new things every day. In the moments that I'm still enough to listen, He speaks. In the moments of true surrender, He molds. They aren't as close together as I should allow them to be but they happen. And so I remember to walk this out, these thoughts and desires. I remember to walk and not run sometimes because

You can't rush greatness. 

Elijah

Elijah:7 months!

1:50 PM

Woah! We are now closer to the 1 year mark than we are if we back tracked to the day he was born. This precious little chunk has only been on this earth for 7 months but it feels like I never had a life before him. Sure I remember fondly the times I slept for hours upon hours without any interupptions and when Kaleb and I were able to enjoy a meal at restaurant without having to give up and take our meals to-go. But (and I think all parents would agree with  me) though those times were nice, they're nothing compared to the times with my baby. So at 7 months this is my guy-


  • 20 lbs of deliciousness
  • Still breastfed but eating fruits and veggies as well
  • Apple sauce is his favorite 
  • Still napping for 30 minutes at a time and waking every 2 hours at night
  • He officially learned how to sit up by himself today
  • He inch worms across the floor but not without getting on all 4's first and trying to crawl
  • We are still doing cloth diapers part time (still trying to build my stash)
  • He is super chatty and always sounds like he's trying to say "dada"
  • I've started wearing him more and he is definitely a fan
  • He still goes in the nursery at church but usually doesn't last very long before he misses me
  • Still only has the bottom 4 teeth but is working hard on cutting his top 2
  • Still gets his Nexium (reflux medicine) every day but does well if he goes without it for a couple of days
  • He is in 9m-12m clothes. Most of the 12m stuff that fits him are t shirts, the rest of his clothes are all 9m
  • His new way of falling asleep (besides being held) is holding one of his ears. So cute!
  • He loves to be naked. Like, it's a little ridiculous. He could be a crying mess and the second we undress him and take his diaper off he's the happiest little baby in the world. 
  • He is very ticklish! His back, underarms, and recently we've found that his feet are also ticklish.

His 6 month post told of our sleep training journey. There isn't much to tell on that other then we stopped because we thought he might be sick (he wasn't) and then kind of messed it up by reverting back to his old habits. We will be doing CIO again but for now we're back to no sleep in the Hargrove home. I am way tired but man he is cute! Just look at this face!


Bre

Summer move

7:53 AM

I haven't made this "blog public" or even Facebook public for that matter mostly because I wanted to be 110% sure it would even happen but I'm not 110% sure; I'm only 90% sure (which is good enough for me). The Hargrove's are (trying to) move to Fort Worth. We've been discussing it since before Elijah was born but we weren't sure if it was the right move for us, if we had the finances, if it was really worth it, etc. Kaleb has been training at his job to be in a higher position, however, since there is only 1 Sam's Club here in good ole' Angelo he can't obtain that position because it's already filled. In Fort Worth there are a bajillion Sam's. In fact, there is a new one opening in Burleson. We're praying extra hard that he can be a supervisor for the demo's in one of the many Sam's there. Do we want to leave Angelo? Meh. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The hardest thing for us will be leaving SAF. I can't even let myself think about it for too long because my heart hurts. But is it the smartest move for us? Yes, it's definitely starting to look that way. 2014 could be the year we get out of debt and that's more likely to happen if Kaleb could get this position. Our lease is up at the end of June so that's our time frame. Kaleb can apply to various locations, we can check on houses, and hopefully if everything works out we can get ready to make that 4 hour move. And in the midst of all of this I plan on throwing Elijah's first birthday party almost an entire month before his actual birthday because I'm determined to have all of his sweet baby friends a part of that celebration before we move.

So, there it is out in the open for all of the social media to read and if it doesn't happen it's going to be annoying to have to type that blog so I'm asking for prayers. Lots and lots of prayers that this works out for my family. Like many of my blogs have stated over the last 7 months-this has been the absolute hardest season we've ever been in. I stopped working to stay home with Elijah and Kaleb became the main provider. We've struggled to pay bills and keep groceries in the cabinets and with the paychecks that didn't go directly to bills we've had our battery go out in our car and tickets to pay off but Spring is coming. Spring. Is. Coming. The season where new life blooms is coming for us. I can see the sun and feel the warm breeze. God has been more than faithful through these rough months and our faith has rooted deeper because of the trials and tribulations. Most days it hasn't felt like it but when the light has broken through on the gray mornings I can see it. The roots, they're there.


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