discipling

What spilled water and changing a diaper taught me

7:37 AM

Last night we went out to Chili's with some friends. They called it our good-bye dinner which is as sweet as it is depressing. They're moving to College Station in July so we're not exactly sure when we will see them again. We were in a booth so Elijah was seated at the end in a high chair. There never seems to be enough room on tables for littles because not long after getting our drinks he grabbed one of our friends water cups and spilled it all over himself. The minute the cold water and fresh ice cubes hit his lap he started crying. I immediately told Kaleb to hand him to me and I would go change his diaper and leave his wet shorts off. Yes, I let my kid rock a shirt and cloth diaper for the rest of the night in public. It had to be done! On my way to the bathroom he was shaking still. That makes sense to me. He was cold and wet, poor guy. But the minute I laid him down on the changing table to get him dry he started full on screaming. No one in that bathroom could do their business I'm sure. The diaper change that should have taken 2 minutes (even with tossing and turning) felt like it took an hour because of the angry crying my son was doing.

He wasn't so much sad as he was scared and angry at the changing process. He was mad he got wet in the first place. He was mad he was cold. He was scared to be on the tall changing table. He was scared of getting changed. After it was over and I picked him up he was calm. The tears dried up and the shaking ceased. He was still in my arms as I carried him back to the table. When I got back to the booth and resumed conversation with our friends we got asked these questions:

"Are you guys nervous about moving?"

No way! I'm so excited!

"Are you sad to be leaving people or are you just like oh-my-gosh-it's-coming-so-fast-I'm-not-ready-for-this?"

I'm not so much sad as I am scared and angry to be leaving these people and our church. I don't think anyone quite understands how mad I am that I can't just pick up SAF and bring the entire church body with us to Fort Worth. The changing process is one I'm kicking and screaming through when it comes to changing churches. I guess I've always known I can't live and die at SAF but I'm not ready to say good-bye to the church I've called home for so long and friends who have impacted me greatly.  Our last Sunday is in 2 days and as I'm typing that tears are welling up in my eyes. Kaleb might have to drag me out kicking and screaming after service ends.

But it's change and while I fight the initial process I know that God is carrying my family safely to the next one. In His arms all crying stops and shaking ceases as I trust him to carry us to the next chapter of the place we will get spiritually fed. I can't say that I'm not scared, I'm terrified! But He's a good God and He knows the plans He has for us even when we stand there, shaking and unsure. 5 years ago He was faithful to provide me, even as a new Christian, with a church that helped me grow and He is faithful to do it again.

He is faithful to do it again.

Change

And a time to uproot

3:30 PM

Well, to start off, the house hunting was a total flop. We had our hearts set on a house in general but one impaticular that we were excited about dragged us around for a couple of weeks and then finally told us it had been leased. Other then that we just weren't having any luck. I thought this had to do with the fact that searching online for a house is hard but now I see that it was the Lord leading us in a different direction. Of course, as usual, I had my heart set on a house so bad that I didn't even stop to consider if the Lord would open up a different door for us. Pun totally intended right there. I had been wondering for a while if an apartment would be the way to go. I can't stand apartment life so I just figured that was a no but then Kaleb and I talked over the benefits. We would only have to sign a 6 month lease and then maybe could look into buying a home instead of renting one once it was up, utilities are lower, they're easier to find, and we could move in sooner.

So, to make a long story short we are moving into this cute little 2 story town home on June 7th! That is SOON, people. 3 weeks and we're out of here. We were in Fort Worth for a 2 day visit and we found this town home, filled out applications, and put the deposit down. It's a good feeling to have this part squared away. Kaleb also had lunch with his new boss while we were in town and is really excited about starting his new job as soon as we move. Things are falling into place at the exact time God ordained for them to and I'm so grateful. There's so much to do in such a short time that I found myself standing, frozen in the kitchen after Kaleb left for work this morning wondering what I should do first. As any motivated person would I decided to fold laundry and watch Call The Midwife. Which was quickly interrupted when Elijah decided to fall, bust his lip, and cause me to have a heart attack and rush him to the ER. No worries, no worries. He's completely fine. His frenulum was lacerated in the fall but the doctor said it will heal on his own and to just give him Tylenol for the pain.

There you have it, friends! The Hargrove's will be moving June 7th to Fort Worth. I am so excited and sad at the same time but we will be back for Caleb and Kaitlin's wedding on the 20th and I will definitely be having Elijah's first birthday party here in San Angelo so we will be back to visit and will not lose touch with the amazing friends God has blessed us with here.


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens......a time to plant and a time to uproot" 

Elijah

Elijah:10 months!

8:01 AM

I'm going to go find a corner to sob in for a while. I literally have no words for this 10 months business. Who told him it was ok to be 10 months already?!?! UGH!


  • 21 lbs (we haven't been to the dr so this is a guess)
  • 27 inches (again, a guess)
  • Eating 3 solid meals a day and still BF in between
  • Trying to stand without help. He usually makes it 15-30 seconds before falling
  • Only waking once at night and taking 3 short naps during the day
  • Growls. (Yes. You read that right. He growls.)
  • Shakes his head no when you say the word
  • Claps his hands
  • Says mama, dada, buh buh (bye bye)
  • Pushes his walking toy but falls after a while
  • Wearing 12m clothes and a few 18m shirts
  • Sits in a big boy carseat but is still rear facing (check out these statistics)
  • Loves for us to chase him down the hallway or into the kitchen
If you keep up with my blog then you know we're moving to Fort Worth soon. So, this is going to be a crazy month for my little guy. I'm wondering how moving 4 hours away with a 10 month old will be? Maybe it won't be so bad. He doesn't do too terrible on our trips to the metroplex. Definitely crossing my fingers! His first Easter was wonderful! It rained unfortunately so the egg hunt was moved inside but it was still cute. Got some good pictures and even a video of him crawling around (and slipping I might add) trying to get some eggs. He obviously can't have any of the candy so daddy and I took care of that. He did get a basket from the nursery with a couple of bath toys in it. Our church really is so thoughtful in every area but specifically with the babies/kids/youth/college students. They serve all ages and they do it so well. I love SAF! 

Well, here's to 10 months! My mind is still trying to process this. Forgive me for the short post. 

Elijah

My first Mother's Day

12:40 PM

I still have the picture on my phone of the word pregnant flashing across that stick. I sent it to Sarah the night I found out. I also called her 3 weeks later from the bathroom when I started bleeding, tears running wild as she prayed over my unborn babys life through the phone. I was deathly afraid as we rushed to the ER and they ran tests, poked me, prodded, filled my bladder with fluid so they could see if anything still existed. And he did. A heartbeat came across the screen and I was sure it was mine but the look of relief on the doctors face told me otherwise. An hour later it was confirmed: pregnant. I was sure I was going to lose that baby but God had other plans. He made me a mom that day. And I've realized how truly terrifying it is to be one but what a blessing it is at the same time. Some nights I lay awake wondering why it's been 4 hours and I haven't heard Elijah make a sound. I can still remember, vividly, sticking my finger under his nose as the swing helped him dream when he was only a couple of weeks old, checking to see if he was breathing. I hear about children passing away at young ages and wonder if my family will be a part of that statistic one day.



Motherhood, in any form, isn't easy. It's so very, very scary. It's beautiful for sure but goodness is it scary. It's full of the unknown and most days I'm walking blind and navigating a path only by what feels right rather than seeing the end result in sight. I want so badly to learn more about the Lord's heart that I completely miss how much He's revealing Himself to me through this intense love I have for Elijah. This love that causes me to be fearful for his life but at the same time causes me to squeeze him so tight because no hug is ever big enough and no tickle session ever lasts long enough. The scary part of motherhood isn't talked about very often. I'm not sure if it's because people think it feels too depressing or negative but I rarely hear it discussed. My sweet friend, Aimee, gave me a pregnancy kit when I first found out there was life growing inside of me. She was amazing! She gave me books, food, and ginger beer (which was so gross just FYI). With each item I pulled out of the box she had placed a sticky note with what it was for and then I found a card. She told me in this card that this journey would be scary. She warned me with sweet words and I love her so much for that because she also told me how rewarding it would be. I appreciate when experienced mama's share their truest heart with me and their honest wisdom. Aimee was so right!


These last 10 months have been so incredibly fun, hilarious, scary, emotional, overwhelming, amazing,...and any other word you could probably think of. All of it. It has been all of the above every moment of every day since my sweet boy came into my life. One of my absolute favorite things about motherhood is how Elijah makes me feel. His laughter causes an uncontrolable laugh of my own to rise from deep within my belly. And when he takes both hands off the coffee table and stands for 15 seconds by himself, I ugly cry all over the place. It's insane. This love I have for him is INSANE. I find myself making up weird songs and strange noises to distract him while I change his diaper. Or tearing up just a little when he hits head and his face turns red from tears and anger. I've never felt anything like this and I count myself lucky that I get to have it. I never want to take his life for granted. Never.

Thank you, Elijah, for making me a mom and teaching me what it's all about. Thank you for showing me daily how amazing this journey is. Words can't describe how deeply you are loved. I can't imagine why the Lord would entrust your life to me but I'm going to do this right! I promise! And on the days I fall short, please forgive me and thank you in advance for cutting me some slack. I'm sure you won't even notice the things I consider mistakes but thank you anyway for showing me grace, little one. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!


Social Media

Lest we forget the GOOD it does

2:49 PM

This video is sweeping Facebook right now which is ironic since I'm sure half of us viewed it on our phones. I know I did! And it really did leave me speechless but only for a moment and then something rose up in me.

This is probably the third video I've seen that talks about the negativities of using your phone and being addicted to social media and I couldn't agree more! Especially when it comes to alone time with Kaleb. We're really bad at trying to watch a movie together or having dinner and a nice chat without being on our phones and checking emails, reading articles, looking at Instagram and Facebook, etc. It's something we have to remind each other of a lot when we're out. I love how he talks about how we shouldn't shove iPads in our kids hands and that we should encourage them to go outside and play. We don't have an iPad and Elijah's too small to go outside and play but I remember writing a blog similar to that before he was even born. I don't want that for him. I want technology to be a bonus and a privelege not the thing he wakes up in the morning eager to run to. This video is so very on point but I'm wondering if we ever stop and think about the many benefits of social media and our phones? Yes, there are many benefits!

A guy I went to high school with passed away last week from a rare form of leukemia. I knew he had leukemia because of Facebook. I saw friends share his Go Fund Me website which was being used by his wife to raise money for medicine he needed. People could log on to this website and donate money right there. He didn't live in Texas anymore so this was an ideal and very helpful way for people to help out in any way they could. I had no money to help but I had prayers to offer. When he passed away the way I found out was the many statuses and comments posted on Facebook. Of course this is a tough way for sad news to travel but when our lives move us to different states or cause us to be overseas and phone numbers change without warning and addresses are no longer the same then what better way to keep in touch then through social media accounts?

For the wife whose husband is serving in another country that he's not allowed to tell her the name of all she has is a phone to connect with him. That phone call she just stopped your conversation for is the rare phone call her husband gets to make to tell her he loves her and he'll be home soon.

The grandmother who just sat down and ordered a meal without lifting her eyes to meet yours isn't trying to be rude, she's viewing the newest picture of her grandson who was born 3 weeks ago. She hasn't met him yet because money is too tight for her to travel and her son and daughter in law are trying to get settled into new parent life.

That college student sitting in class half paying attention to your lecture isn't doing it because he doesn't care about the class. He's using the calculator on his phone to see if he can afford to stay in school this semester without working a third job.

That guy who is sitting at the park on his phone instead of watching his kid go across the monkey bars isn't being a bad dad. He's checking to see if anyone has emailed him back about the important position he applied for that could really help him raise his children since he's a newly single father.

These are all made up circumstances...or are they? We just never know whats going on with the people we come in contact with for a brief moment in our daily walk through life. I'm not bashing the video at all. In all honesty that video was right on point and has nothing to do with this post. It just helped spring board my thoughts onto this post because it's something that weighs on my heart every time I hear/read/see someone talk about how annoying or irritating it is when someone is on their phone. We just don't know and how could we? We make such a short passing with people every day that our first response is always a negative one instead of an understanding one.

So, what if we stopped for a moment and put down our phone because WE don't need it but we stop getting so frustrated with the person whose on their phone in front of us in the drive thru line. Slow down, be where you are, but also show grace to the people you come in contact with everyday who are still glued to their technology. They are a soul and we don't know their story.

Change

The Hargrove's are moving to B-town

7:04 AM

I'm not quite sure if anyone still calls it that but when I attended Crowley High School years ago that's what we called our neighbor town, B-town aka Burleson. That's right folks we're moving to Burleson. Or maybe we're moving to Fort Worth. Either way Kaleb has a job waiting for him in Burleson!!!!! There was a series of events in this application process ranging from "There are no more positions available in Fort Worth" to "Would you be willing to move to Austin?" It was enough to drive me crazy and I'm sure Kaleb was going a little mad himself. I have made my life public through this blog (which doesn't bother me one bit) so I would love to share the story with all of you about how this all unfolded.



Sunday morning I called Charlotte to see how her birthday went. We chatted for a while about her weekend, birthday, friends, etc. Then I decided to update her on everything. I told her the lady Kaleb had been in contact with had told him there were no positions available in Fort Worth but that she was looking into one in Austin for us. However, Kaleb's boss had been emailing back and forth with a DSM in Fort Worth who was looking for a new lead to help kick start the Sam's Club that was being relocated from Fort Worth to Burleson. It wasn't the supervisor position Kaleb had been praying for but it was a pay increase and a stepping stone into something bigger. I told Charlotte I wasn't sure if the pay increase was significant enough to allow us to be steady there but that I would hate for Kaleb to miss out on such a great opportunity. He would be learning how to work from the ground up and would get first dibs on any opening supervisor positions that would become available in the near future. Charlotte paused and declared she had a pretty good idea. But first let me brief you on my sisters living situations.

Charlotte's roommate decided to sell his house back in February so within a months time she had to find a place to live. Her boss and his family graciously opened their home to her and that's where she has been living for the last couple of months. You can imagine how awkward this is but it was her only place to go. So, Charlotte suggested she move in with us for a while in order to help us get grounded in Fort Worth and to allow her to save up money for her own place. Kaleb and I thoroughly enjoy being around Charlotte so this was an automatic yes but only if Kaleb got the job. He had emailed the DSM a week ago about details for the job but hadn't heard anything back so we weren't exactly holding our breath. After hanging up the phone I talked to God about it for quite a while. When Kaleb got off work we went for a walk around the park and let Elijah swing while we went over what exactly would need to be done if this worked out. Getting a 3 bedroom house, splitting all of the bills with Charlotte, nailing down a move date that would work for all of us, etc.

After dinner and Elijahs bath we sat down to relax for a bit before putting him to bed. I was texting someone, Elijah was playing, and Kaleb was checking his emails. He started getting a little over excited and read aloud an email to me that he had just opened. Tears filled to the brims, I jumped on the couch to hug Kaleb. He got the job! The DSM had told him he wanted him out there to help with the set up ASAP. It all lined up at just the right time and there it was-the answer to our prayers and even prayers of some of our friends who had been supporting us through this process. First thing I did was call my mom who cried, of course. And now you know where I get all of my crazy emotions from. Then Charlotte who was literally screaming through the phone at how excited she was. We immediately jumped on the computer and started searching Trulia and Zillow to find some houses for rent and in our price range. We have found a couple we like and one specifically that is in Crowley. The grand opening of the relocated club is July 10th but we are moving there on June 21st.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to those of you who fought in prayer for us and I am thanking God for moving at the right time. I'm not good at waiting on the Lord, y'all. I'm really impatient to the point where I stress myself out and get down right angry at the unknown but He is always teaching me. Always. Even when it drives me nuts and I want to sit in the corner and pout like a 5 year old, still He teaches. I am sad to leave the people we love here in San Angelo and particularly sad about leaving our amazing church but I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us in Fort Worth.

Popular Posts

Like us on Facebook

Flickr Images