God

Worth it

7:45 AM

Last year when I turned 24 I posted a little photo of me, Kaleb, and Elijah with a caption that read-

"I feel like this is the first year that I can confidently say I know who I am. Some people find themselves in high school, some in college but I found myself this last year."

Two days later I miscarried our baby.

While I do believe I found myself that year I also believe that this past year I have found my faith. I've always had such an easy time choosing God. As soon as I was saved any hard time that came it was still so easy for me to choose the Lord. But then we lost a baby and then I lost my dad and somehow choosing God became not so easy. I wrote a post about my dad and shared how I almost walked away from it all. That moment of deciding all of this was still worth it changed my faith and challenged it really to keep growing. I really had to ask myself (and I still do) if I believe that right now God is still who I believe Him to be. Is He a good father? Yes. Is He mighty to save? Yes. Is He my comfort and peace even now? Yes. Is He my teacher and my bridegroom? Yes. Does He love me? YES! Do I love Him? A thousand times, YES! There were moments while I was in the middle of loss where I really thought the Lord didn't love me. But right now seeing that perfect little girl napping so soundly in her swing and that rambunctious, joyous toddler reading books on the floor I know that He does. Look at those two gifts He entrusted me with. Let alone the amazing gift of marrying Kaleb that He entrusted me with as well. All of these things, all of this sequence of events carried out goodness in the end because that's what He promised back in Romans 8. We know two things for sure: that there will be trouble in this life but that He is the giver of peace. He has overcome the world! While He didn't cause these things He can and He does weave them together and makes something incredibly beautiful out of them because He is Father who loves His children deeply. It doesn't always come in the form of an actual gift like a home or a child. Sometimes it comes in the form of things you've never experienced before like peace that you can't explain or value that you never realized you had before. That tough season or hard moment you find yourself in? Just hold tight to Elohim. There is something great coming for you.

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:5-6








Abigail

Abigail:2 months

1:40 PM

She's two months, yall! Two. Freaking. Months. Lets get on with these bullets, shall we?

  • 10lbs 10oz
  • 22.5 in
  • Still nursing every 2-3 hours during the day and doing mostly glorious 4 hour stretches at night
  • Rolls tummy to back but only if she's in a disposable diaper (cloth is too bulky)
  • Holds her head up like a pro
  • Coos/baby chats all the time
  • Still sleeps the best when she's swaddled but fights the initial swaddling process
  • Loves her play mat and tries to bat at the toys hanging from it
  • Likes her car seat a little more now
  • Size 1 diapers when she's in disposables but she's usually in cloth diapers now
  • 0-3m/3m clothes
  • Mimics us when we stick our tongue out at her or make the O shape with our lips
  • Smirks but doesn't full on smile yet
  • Co sleeps with me and Kaleb still
  • She takes forever to initially fall asleep at night but then wakes up to nurse and goes back to sleep easily. No middle of the night parties for this girl
  • Still completely in love with her swing
  • DROOLS 


This little lady is so engaged with the world around her. She could sit on my lap and be content just watching everything else happen in front of her. With that same sentiment she could also be completely content watching me make faces at her all day. People tell me all the time that they've never heard her cry and when I stop to really think about it she definitely is a happy and very mellow baby. With breastfeeding I have noticed she is nothing like Elijah in that area. Elijah loved to nurse and really could do it all day for hours on end if I would have let him. Abigail on the other hand nurses because she's thirsty or hungry and then as soon as she feels satisfied she's done. I have a feeling she is going to be the baby who weans early or goes on nursing strikes. But there is still so much time for her to change and develop. I can't wait to watch her do just that!

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