I've said in a previous post that I don't write about things I haven't personally experienced or that I don't have a heart for. So, naturally this post was hard to come to but I can't sit back and watch it happen. When Fifty Shades of Grey came out, along with Magic Mike I remember sharing this blog. She did a fantastic job on that post. And like she stated at the beginning she just felt compelled to do so. Sylvia Plath said it best when she said "I write because there is a voice within me that will not be still." I usually quiet that voice on controversial topics (and lets be honest this is, sadly, a controversial topic now) but I just can't. Not now with the new trailer that has just surfaced for the upcoming movie.
I can't be naive and think that this post should reach certain people. I know that if you're not a Christian you may not agree with me and you know what? That's perfectly ok. If you don't know God then of course I don't expect you to feel convicted over the same things I do but Christian women I'm speaking to you. I'm your sister and I love you deeply so I have to say it-this movie, this book, this porn is not ok. It's. Not. Ok. You don't get a free pass to go watch this movie because it's girls night or because it's being shown in theaters.
"Well it's not porn because obviously they don't show porn in movie theaters."
Actually they do. Any sex scene is essentially porn. The definition of pornography is "the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual arousal." Kaleb and I talk about it all the time when watching new movies-majority of the plot lines in newer movies could do without the sex scene they put in there which normally ends up being a few to even several sexual scenes. We would all still understand that the characters just had sex if you do a quick make out scene and cut to their clothes strewn across the floor. I mean really this whole drawn out "love making" scene isn't necessary but I can't find a movie without it anymore. And Fifty Shades of Grey tops all of them in that department.
If you wouldn't want to see your son/husband/brother/father/pastor watching porn on his computer then why is it any different if you go see this movie? This is a stumbling block. Point blank. Not just for others but for your self as well. You could have no tie to pornography and then watch this movie only for it to open up an ugly door and lead you down a path you never thought you would have to walk down. I keep seeing articles and blog posts floating around the internet lately about men and pornography and the huge moral issue at hand. But why is that so limited to men? It's a problem for women as well and it should be addressed. 2 Corinthians 6:3 says "We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited." The youth pastor cannot flip through the pages of Playboy while sipping coffee with one of his students and then close it only to tell him about the Lord. You may think you don't have a ministry but being a light in the world is your ministry and you are held to the same standards. You cannot go see Fifty Shades of Grey and then the next day claim to love the Lord. It doesn't work that way and I'm not sure why we stopped speaking truth in this area. Are you going to go to hell? Probably not. But why take advantage of such a kind and sweet God who shows us endless grace and mercy? He holds you to a higher standard not because He wants to make it hard for you but because He knows you're capable of more if you're following Him. In your weakness, His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Lust doesn't start in your mind just like adultery doesn't start outside of the marriage bed. Both begin in your heart and spiral into a place you could quite possibly never come back from. Matthew 5:28 tells us that "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart." We are told to guard our heart because everything else comes from it. (Proverbs 4:23) Guarding your heart starts with guarding those things that are easily prone to sin. Your eyes, your
thoughts, etc. This isn't always the case but let's spin a scenario here-
After watching this movie with the girls you feel a little more aroused than usual. You were thinking of your husband the whole time while watching it and you can't wait to get back home to him. Oh, darn. He's already asleep. You'll catch him tomorrow after work. Uh oh. There's that guy in the mail room who looks kind of like Christian Grey. Wow. You never noticed how similar they look. Suddenly your mind is spinning with adulterated thoughts of an office affair like in the movie. You shake them off until a few weeks go by and when you're with your husband your thoughts are not on him and the love you create together, it's on that guy from the mail room. You imagine him instead of your husband but never speak a word of it to anyone. This continues for months until one day that Christian Grey look alike makes one pass at you the same day your husband forgot your anniversary (again) and suddenly you find yourself having an affair.
Is that over the top? Possibly. Or is it exactly how things like that happen. I'm sure if you interviewed majority of the people who have had affairs they could tell you that it started right there. It was one slip of a mouse click or one fleeting thought about the guy that worked across the hall only to turn into something they never expected. Maybe we don't realize it everyday but Satan works pretty hard at getting us to fall, sin, and even walk away from the Lord. That one tiny thought he planted goes a long way when the right things are said at the right time by the right person. I will not cheat on Kaleb and he won't cheat on me but does that mean we stop guarding ourselves? No way! God commands it and so we do it. Am I saying that one movie can change the course of your life? Absolutely. Like I said above one small thing can open a door that you may not be able to close later on so why risk it.
Ultimately this movie feeds into the lie that sex is just sex. I'm going to go ahead and say it-sex is never just sex. It's a bond forever tying you to that person in a way that God only intended you to be tied to your spouse. If your relationship status is the issue then the same thing applies to you. It wasn't long ago that this was my story, praying over my soul ties to certain guys so that I could be tied to Kaleb instead. It was a mistake that I greatly regret but God is good and he heals and restores. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I could go back in time and choose to say no. The Bible speaks against sexual immorality countless times. It's not an annoying thing that Christians should follow. It's God already seeing the end result to something that could be very fatal with your relationship in regards to Him and to others. Sin being inevitable does not mean Holiness is unachievable. 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5 says "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.." and in 1 Peter 2:11 He says "Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul." That word didn't happen on accident. He chose to say that it would wage a war because it's truth. But if it's a struggle in regards to this movie-PRAY! Seek out His word. Don't pass it by if you feel He is urging you away. Trust in Him. He always gives you a way out when you're feeling tempted (1 Corinthians 10:13).
If you have no idea what being a Twin Peak's girl means then bless your heart! Because that means you've some how escaped the tainted world we live in and I am envious of your ignorance but my guess is that everyone knows what that means. Especially my friends in San Angelo considering we now have a Twin Peak's conveniently located in our fine city.
"Do you want to be a Twin Peak's girl"
This is the ad that has taken over my Pandora and Facebook account. No, no I do not want to be a Twin Peak's girl and I hope you don't either. The mama in me wants to wrap a huge blanket around those girls and rush them out of there before another man can gawk at them long enough to take their wedding ring off and then give them some cheesy line that will make them feel special even for a minute. But the 22 year old in me who has only been saved for the past 4 years knows and understands and so I will not be rushing in there any time soon with blankets to cover the girls in and cold water to pour on the men.
Purity. It's real and it's achievable despite what media screams at you or what you've done. I think too many Christian women try and make purity seem like you have to be completely untouched or untainted to be able to call yourself pure but you are still pure. Even if things happened to you against your will (and can I just tell you how truly sorry I am that happened to you. It was in NO WAY your fault and you didn't deserve that). Even if things happened that you chose to participate in. Even if you were sober or completely inebriated when the last situation occurred...you are still pure. If you know my story then you know I had a miscarriage when I was in high school. You know that I made the walk of shame back to my dorm too many nights when my freshman year began at ASU. Those are not things that scream pure but I am. I am pure. My husband and I have pasts that unfortunately involve other people but for our marriage we became pure.
Getting saved in 2009 in no way meant that I did everything right. I still went out with my friends wearing things that drew negative attention my way while still claiming to love the Lord. I'm sure I greatly confused a few people and probably made some Christian women very angry but there is room for grace. I know what it feels like to long for that attention but eventually I learned to stop taking pictures in my bikini and posting them on Facebook. I learned to stop wearing the shortest shorts that barely fit when going to Chi Alpha. I learned all of these things because 1) I turned to scripture to find my worth instead of men and 2) I found women of God who had pasts like mine that had changed. I learned to look up to them and watch what they wore and how they conducted themselves.
I know many women will claim that this is just a job but let's be honest...there are plenty of other places hiring. I, in no way, condemn the girls who will eventually start working there. Instead, I weep over you because I know and I wish I could show you how the Lord views you but inevitably that's something that I could tell you all day long but you have to allow God himself to show you. He is completely enthralled with your beauty (Psalm 45:11). Because I understand that truth I now have a husband who, as my belly continues to grow and my body no longer looks like it use to, still tells me how sexy he thinks I am. He looks at me now like he did on our wedding night. He steals me away in the kitchen to kiss me and tell me how beautiful I am.
Twin Peak's is all about what you wear. It's not like you're going home with any of the men. I mean it's not a strip club or an escort service but unfortunately I can guarantee that one of the nights as you're closing up, that guy who stayed for 2 hours and ordered a ridiculous amount of beer will decide that he no long wants to be teased by your outfit. He wants to see whats underneath. And if your day went just right then your boss probably talked down to you enough to get your self esteem just at the right place for you to give in and go home with that man that night. I have never worked at a place like this but even I have had these kind of nights happen. And sadly, sweet girl, those nights will happen. I attended a friend's lingerie shower last weekend and we had a sweet and special moment where all of the married women (there was 6 of us) gave a tidbit of wisdom about sex within marriage. It was beautiful. I cried. Someone told the bride to that "it's being intimate with your best friend." What a great description. Another wife told her "my husband is an extension of Jesus to me." These women know what they're talking about and both of them have a past that involved others but they are walking examples of what Jesus' love can do. And that knowing your worth in Him changes you. It changes your heart, your way of thinking, and the way you act. The way God sees you...it's a powerful thing. Just go and read. He will reveal to you exactly what He thinks of you.
"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace." Song of Solomon 4:9
So many weddings are coming up. I mean SO many. And I literally have no words to describe how happy I am for all of these weddings though I might have to miss some considering the fact that my due date is on the day of one of them (Jazz-I am so, so sad I have to miss your wedding but I know it will be BEAUTIFUL!!) I want to give you all a gift and by gift I mean something I wasn't given but would have really liked to hear and that is this-advice from a newlywed. All of the advice and wisdom I was given was from women who had been married for years (which means those chicks are full of TONS of wisdom) but the season I was entering in was being a new wife so naturally I longed to hear from a wife who had just recently been married. So before I say anything just know this-Find a wife of many years and make her your mentor. Seriously. Do it. It's the best! But now I will give you the knowledge I have from being married for half of a year.
1) Give up on the idea of being a perfect wife like now. As I just put my last load of laundry in the washer I am thinking to myself that I still do this. I am constantly frustrated that I don't have home cooked meals prepared for my husband, loads of laundry complete and put away everyday, dishes clean and in the cabinets every morning, prayers sent up to heaven by the time my husband wakes up, encouragement dripping from my tongue the minute something goes wrong. You get the picture. I am just frustrated with myself all the time but I shouldn't be. I try too hard to live up to Proverbs 31 that it almost drives me insane and that was not the purpose of it when God breathed those beautiful guidelines into scripture. Your husband does not expect perfection. Ever. Breathe that in and then let it resonate in your soul.
2) Never underestimate the power of respect. I am learning this one STILL. If you have not read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs then you need to read it. For real. It's amazing. It continually blows my mind at how wrong I was about my husband needing constant love from me. He needs my respect more. I can't explain it to be honest but the book says it all and it will do wonders for your marriage.
3) Prayer. This is the one I suck at the most. I forget to pray for my husband throughout the day. I'm getting better at it but if I would have remembered it from day one our marriage would be way more blessed than it is right now. Holy. Goodness. Your marriage will be crazy filled by the Holy Spirit if you're praying. Not just for him but for your home, your future children, his wisdom, your wisdom, his job, your job, your intimacy with each other, etc the list goes on and on. Never underestimate the power of a prayer, yes but also never underestimate the power of your prayers as the wife. It will blow your mind.
4) You are a team. There is a reason you are called Ezer Kenegdo in Genesis. It's because you are exactly that-You are his help mate. Marriage works best when you're being a team player. You should be working together not against each other. My husband and I do have our individual strengths, trust me. He is not allowed to do laundry for example. If he did he would throw everything together instead of separating darks, colors, towels, etc. And I don't touch the bills. I forget things way too easily to pay our bills. That has remained his job. And for each couple it's different. There are definitely things that he does better than me and vice versa so we leave it up to the individual but we are a team, always. We do life together, never separately. All decisions we have made for our lives have been together. They have been hashed out and dealt with as a team. Hence the reason we only waited 3 months to get pregnant. That was just our choice, it's not for everyone and we totally understand that but that was a decision we prayed over together and talked about incessantly from the minute we said "I do." So whatever path you walk in your marriage just remember to walk side by side. You were taken from his rib, not his head or feet. Don't forget that.
5) Sex. We all knew it was coming. I feel I shouldn't say much on this subject because I have no idea who will read this but for you girls who I now have waited with your fiance until your wedding night just know this- sex is POWERFUL in your marriage. Just this morning I heard a comedian talking about how once you're married you stop having sex. Obviously this comedian was talking about the worldy view of marriage not the God centered one. I read somewhere that sex is like a silent cheer for men. And a mentor of mine (who has been married to her husband for years now) said that sex for men is like an ego boost. And i completely agree with all of that but what bothers me is that no one says what sex for the wife is like. I believe it's healing especially when you have a past that you're not proud of. It's also an intimacy with God and my husband that I really can't explain. Everyones view on sex is different that's for sure but don't forget that it's for you just as much as it's for your husband. It should be an equal share in it in my opinion. Sex makes or breaks your marriage. It truly does. All other thoughts on this subject should be said privately. I'm sure some people reading this aren't too happy about this part (sorry.)
Anyway, those are my thoughts. My 6 months of wisdom. And all 5 of those things are things I still learn as we go. Marriage is tough and beautiful and crazy and exciting and healing and intimate and honestly the best blessing you could ever receive. I love being married. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. Soak in as much advice as you can from all of the wives you trust and love. They know what's up! I love you ladies and I'm praying for your marriages. Get ready, it's awesome!
