FMF is back! I'm kind of in love with it now. So be prepared for more of these posts. To learn more about it or even join in go check out Lisa Jo Baker. Actually, you should go check her out anyway because her blog is purely amazing. Ok, ok. So here we go-
REST
I would have put a picture here of what my rest is but I can't seem to find one. Maybe that's because my rest comes from a lot of different things at different seasons in my life. My rest now probably won't come until Elijah is finally here. Yesterday, my OB told me I have to have some more tests done. I should feel relieved in a way. she's fighting for Elijah and I. Trying to figure out where all of my pain is coming from but at the same time I am frustrated. I am restless. I long for rest and at times it almost feels like it is at my fingertips but I can't seem to rest until we figure this out and until he is here and in my arms. That's my rest. A rest i've never known because he will be my first born. I hate that people keep telling me how much I won't sleep when he gets here. Can I just tell you how ok with that I am? I am so ok with losing sleep over him. Rest, i long for you to come wash over me. But am also ok if you don't. How can i truly rest with all of this sweet kicking going on that I just want to soak in for hours on end? Thank you Jesus for my sweet gift floating around inside of me right now. Different pieces of rest come in waves for me. So I'll just wait for the next one to hit and flood my soul.
STOP
Well, it's no surprise that it's Spring Break and that Spring Break is known for it's crazy parties, random hook-up's, and drinking binges. But do you know what Spring Break looks like from a mission goers view? It's not pretty, folks. It's sad and heart wrenching and sinful and heart breaking and just...not what a mama wants to think about when having her first baby soon.
"Bre, why are you up at 7 am talking about this? Go back to sleep (considering you you went to bed at 1 am)."
Kaleb left for work around 6:30 so I got on twitter for a quick second and saw all of the hash tag's for Beach Reach. I can't explain what it is. If you want to know go here. Basically, it's the bee's knee's and I'm so sad I only got to go once. Anyway, Beach Reacher's can go on Twitter and hash tag prayer requests. Very neat. While perusing these I decided to look at the hash tag for South Padre Island and check out what the beach goers were talking about. I then found a picture....I found a picture.
This picture was a bunch of guys sitting around hanging out, no biggie right? Except the guy taking the picture had one main focus: the girl's panties hanging from the ceiling fan. The caption underneath said-"And so it begins..."
Begin's...meaning this isn't the end. Meaning these guys plan on having this to be a common occurrence this week of spring break. So, maybe you're reading this and thinking that picture is hilarious or that I'm too uptight but can I just tell you that when I went on that mission trip there were countless rapes and murders happening on the island that week. I'm sure the number went up this year.
As my sweet unborn Elijah kicks incessantly because he loves the music that is playing right now all I can think is please, PLEASE Elijah, don't be that guy. Love God, love others. Go on a mission trip to South Padre instead of a spring break trip with your frat buddies. Find a woman who is God fearing. One who would never subject herself to such picture. But I guess what I'm really trying to say is find a girl who is like mama now and not like mama was because I was that girl and the tears stream at that thought. The thought that one day I will have to tell you who I was before Jesus but when I do I hope you remember that Jesus is so, so good. He pulled me from the muck and the mire and cleaned me off. He made me pure again. He makes beautiful things from dust. He cures the sick and heals the blind. He softens the heart of stone. He turns that crazy party girl into a follower, a life group leader, a wife, and a mom. He does the unthinkable and makes people do a complete 180 of their life.
I will raise you the best I know how and then pray when you go out from under my wing you make Godly choices and decisions. But for now, keep on kicking. I can't wait to meet you in 18 weeks.
P.S. Hold out for my future daughter-in-law. I'm already praying for her, too. I know she will be nothing less than everything God has for you.
Lord, I wanna yearn for you. I wanna burn with passion over You and only You. Lord, i wanna yearn.
And you know what makes this moment even sweeter?
Little feet kicking from inside me.
(sob)
I can't breathe this in enough. The incredible blessings flowing from my sweet King and without reason. I feel I have done nothing to deserve His goodness but He continues to give it anyway. Kaleb and I have been getting fantastic deals on baby furniture/items. Check it out!
Not pictured: A stroller for $70 and a Pack N Play for $22
BLESSINGS!!! So many of them and not even just material items. This pregnancy (yes, even with the few things that have happened) has been fairly easy. I've read so many horror stories on other blogs and such where women had the hardest time carrying their baby. Even with the few things that have been going on it has not been as bad as I know it could be. God has His hand over Elijah and I...this is something I know full well but tend to forget very quickly.
CONFESSION:
I have to take this moment to make a confession. It's probably not one I should put on the internet for the whole world to see but I think it's beneficial really. I have caught myself saying ugly things about others lately. Judgmental things. *shudders* I can't believe I just typed that word. I hate judgement. I loathe it honestly. It's one of the things that sets a part certain Christians. It makes or break Christianity for others and that's why I hate it. I have committed many sins. A lot of them from my BC days but a good chunk of them still sit next to me, ready to strike at the most opportune moment. Last night the words were falling out of my mouth faster than I could blink and a sweet sister corrected me in this. She reminded me what I was like during a certain season of my life. A time when I was caught between standards and flesh. Between rules and my free spirit. It made me sad. Where is the girl from a couple of years back? The one who had this huge heart for others and saw grace everywhere she turned? I think I will put up a missing person's poster and see if I can find her because I've searched my self and she is no longer there. Though, I'm thinking I can get her back. I don't want Elijah to be born into home where his mama speaks negativity. I want him to love people. All people. Jesus sat and chatted with prostitutes and tax collectors. He broke bread with men who would turn on him. But most importantly-He loved them. I need to strive more for Christlikeness than letting the world pour in. It's a sad and ugly road back but I will get there.
Today I'm taking advantage of Lisa Jo Baker's Five Minute Friday. I was so intrigued by the prompt for this week's challenge that I had to join in. The prompt is this- What Mama Did. I'm excited!
5 minutes....and GO:
My mama made everything clean. Maybe that sounds stereotypical or almost sexist but that't not true at all. That's what made her my mama. That's how I knew it was my house. That's how I knew I was home, always. The smells were captivating. I was reminded of this yesterday when i nasty, awful smelling bag of trash was sitting in my kitchen and I thought to myself that my mom's kitchen never smelled of trash or gross things. It smelled like food or cleaning supplies. Something that usually carried a lemon scent. Our bathrooms always had candles lit in them and our bedrooms (if they were cleaned by her, definitely not if they were cleaned by us) smelled like fresh laundry and always had the curtains open, inviting the light to cast it's beauty on our comforters and toys.
She was the epitome of a mama. She had dinners ready (including snacks after school), laundry finished, clean floors, ready to help with homework or answer questions from a long day at school. But the smells were always my favorite. Her bathroom was full of lotions and perfumes that I loved to smell when I wandered into her room. Smells that forever mark her beauty and mama-nesss. She is a great mama even now while I'm grown and about to have my own kid. She's just the best.
STOP!
Dear Elijah,
I love your name that daddy chose. I love it. I love it. I love it. Elijah means my God is the Lord and yes son, your God IS the Lord. Fisher was picked almost at random. We heard that name on a show we were watching and daddy loved it but I like to think of the verse from Matthew 4:19. That's weird, huh? Being a fisher of men but I know that's who you'll be. Like so many people have already proclaimed over you-you will move mountains and reach nations. I pray you do even more than daddy and I. I pray your achievements and goals are set in Christ. So many people are in love with you already. You have no idea how many people I had to text yesterday after we found out you were a boy. Everyone was on pins and needles. I wonder if texting will still be around when you're a teenager. Who knows.
Daddy and I were talking about the things we want to teach you. Daddy probably has a lot more to offer when it comes to being manly. Sports, music, fitness, shaving, burping (not at the table, please), camping, hiking, love of outdoors, but most importantly he will teach you about the men in the Bible. He will teach you who God is and about the Holy Trinity. You will know all 3. I kept wondering what I could teach you. It was starting to frustrate me. And then I thought of the one thing I hope to instill in you the most is how to love. No one knows love like a mama. Not just how you can love your wife one day (that day will be so joyous) but even your friends. How you can love others who you don't even know. How you can love God. How you can have a sweet, kind heart in a masculine world and not lose your strength. I pray you stand up for people. I pray you stand up for your faith. Your true strength isn't measured by how well you do things it's measured by Christ and the obedience you have under His authority. You are going to be a great man one day but first you will be my little man and I will love you forever even when you leave the shelter of my wings, I will love you still.
My cup overflows, Eli. It's already spilling over.
Love,
Mommy
So many weddings are coming up. I mean SO many. And I literally have no words to describe how happy I am for all of these weddings though I might have to miss some considering the fact that my due date is on the day of one of them (Jazz-I am so, so sad I have to miss your wedding but I know it will be BEAUTIFUL!!) I want to give you all a gift and by gift I mean something I wasn't given but would have really liked to hear and that is this-advice from a newlywed. All of the advice and wisdom I was given was from women who had been married for years (which means those chicks are full of TONS of wisdom) but the season I was entering in was being a new wife so naturally I longed to hear from a wife who had just recently been married. So before I say anything just know this-Find a wife of many years and make her your mentor. Seriously. Do it. It's the best! But now I will give you the knowledge I have from being married for half of a year.
1) Give up on the idea of being a perfect wife like now. As I just put my last load of laundry in the washer I am thinking to myself that I still do this. I am constantly frustrated that I don't have home cooked meals prepared for my husband, loads of laundry complete and put away everyday, dishes clean and in the cabinets every morning, prayers sent up to heaven by the time my husband wakes up, encouragement dripping from my tongue the minute something goes wrong. You get the picture. I am just frustrated with myself all the time but I shouldn't be. I try too hard to live up to Proverbs 31 that it almost drives me insane and that was not the purpose of it when God breathed those beautiful guidelines into scripture. Your husband does not expect perfection. Ever. Breathe that in and then let it resonate in your soul.
2) Never underestimate the power of respect. I am learning this one STILL. If you have not read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs then you need to read it. For real. It's amazing. It continually blows my mind at how wrong I was about my husband needing constant love from me. He needs my respect more. I can't explain it to be honest but the book says it all and it will do wonders for your marriage.
3) Prayer. This is the one I suck at the most. I forget to pray for my husband throughout the day. I'm getting better at it but if I would have remembered it from day one our marriage would be way more blessed than it is right now. Holy. Goodness. Your marriage will be crazy filled by the Holy Spirit if you're praying. Not just for him but for your home, your future children, his wisdom, your wisdom, his job, your job, your intimacy with each other, etc the list goes on and on. Never underestimate the power of a prayer, yes but also never underestimate the power of your prayers as the wife. It will blow your mind.
4) You are a team. There is a reason you are called Ezer Kenegdo in Genesis. It's because you are exactly that-You are his help mate. Marriage works best when you're being a team player. You should be working together not against each other. My husband and I do have our individual strengths, trust me. He is not allowed to do laundry for example. If he did he would throw everything together instead of separating darks, colors, towels, etc. And I don't touch the bills. I forget things way too easily to pay our bills. That has remained his job. And for each couple it's different. There are definitely things that he does better than me and vice versa so we leave it up to the individual but we are a team, always. We do life together, never separately. All decisions we have made for our lives have been together. They have been hashed out and dealt with as a team. Hence the reason we only waited 3 months to get pregnant. That was just our choice, it's not for everyone and we totally understand that but that was a decision we prayed over together and talked about incessantly from the minute we said "I do." So whatever path you walk in your marriage just remember to walk side by side. You were taken from his rib, not his head or feet. Don't forget that.
5) Sex. We all knew it was coming. I feel I shouldn't say much on this subject because I have no idea who will read this but for you girls who I now have waited with your fiance until your wedding night just know this- sex is POWERFUL in your marriage. Just this morning I heard a comedian talking about how once you're married you stop having sex. Obviously this comedian was talking about the worldy view of marriage not the God centered one. I read somewhere that sex is like a silent cheer for men. And a mentor of mine (who has been married to her husband for years now) said that sex for men is like an ego boost. And i completely agree with all of that but what bothers me is that no one says what sex for the wife is like. I believe it's healing especially when you have a past that you're not proud of. It's also an intimacy with God and my husband that I really can't explain. Everyones view on sex is different that's for sure but don't forget that it's for you just as much as it's for your husband. It should be an equal share in it in my opinion. Sex makes or breaks your marriage. It truly does. All other thoughts on this subject should be said privately. I'm sure some people reading this aren't too happy about this part (sorry.)
Anyway, those are my thoughts. My 6 months of wisdom. And all 5 of those things are things I still learn as we go. Marriage is tough and beautiful and crazy and exciting and healing and intimate and honestly the best blessing you could ever receive. I love being married. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. Soak in as much advice as you can from all of the wives you trust and love. They know what's up! I love you ladies and I'm praying for your marriages. Get ready, it's awesome!
