The Hargrove Home

I have a three year old! This is crazy. Mostly because he's my OLDEST. How weird is that? I have an oldest and a youngest now. My oldest, my first born, he turned three. At three years old Elijah-

• Semi potty trained (is that a thing?)
• Wears size 3T in clothing and size 7 in kids shoes
• Talks ALL the time. He's never quiet.
• Favorite foods-PBJ (of course), fries, all fruit, kefir (drink), burritos, pasta
• Favorite TV show-Animal Mechanicals and Dino Train
• Loves to play on his LeapPad
• Loves to play at the park
• LOVES to swim and is a lot better now that he has had a few swim lessons
• Very obsessed with Star Horse (Star Wars) even though he's never actually watched it
• Loves anything dinosaur and even pretends he is a dinosaur. He has a great T-Rex impression
• Favorite phrases-"I'm hungry", "Sister is SOOO cute", and "Mmm. No, thanks."
• He's a sponge. Literally he soaks up everything around him all the time
• Has his first cavity (womp, womp)
• Sleeps about 11-12 hours at night
• Does not nap. He basically gave those up last year
• Loves the church nursery. He's always excited to play and see his friends
• Also, he has been nicknamed "The Runner" at church for obvious reasons-he escapes!
• Drums like his daddy. Seriously, he keeps beat really well for a three year old, it's kind of shocking
• Sings all day, everyday like his mama

Yes, she's already a month old. As does all time....it went fast and I'm so frustrated. Thankfully she hasn't hit any real milestones yet so I don't feel like she's growing too fast. This first month transitioning to two kids has proven to be very hard for Elijah which means it has been pretty hard on me and Kaleb. Elijah is a strong willed boy already but now that Abigail is here his strong will has almost tripled. Without going into too much detail he loves Abigail but is not too happy with me and Kaleb and he definitely lets us know. His world has changed a lot this last month but I know as she grows he will adjust better. I can tell he's ready for her to play with him already. He brings her toys in hopes that she will just reach out and grab them but sadly that won't be the case for quite a few months. At one month old Abigail is-

• 8lbs 9oz
• 21 inches
• Nursing every two hours during the day but can go three or four hours at night
• Does not burp or spit up a lot which can be hard on her tummy sometimes
• HATES her car seat
• Loves to sit and just take in the world around her
• Loves being swaddled
• Prefers to sleep on daddys chest than on mine
• Co sleeps with us at night
• Enjoys tummy time for about ten minutes and then gets frustrated that she can't roll over

Dear Bre,

You are swollen to no end girlfriend and this last stretch of pregnancy feels like it's taking forever but everything is going to come so fast. You've prayed and dreamed up this labor and delivery process and for the most part you get exactly what you wanted. You're mighty. You birth your baby with no medicine even though they had to induce you and you feel like you're almost on a powerful high after that twelve hour labor but then he's out and on your chest and you realize you prepared so well for the birth but not so much for the everything after. In the hospital your husband does most of the work because you're not really there. You didn't change Elijah's diaper yourself until the third day of his life but I promise you he will never remember that. Being a new mom hit you fast and hard as it does every woman. You'll spend most nights nursing and then sliding your finger underneath his nose while he's sleeping so you can make sure he's still breathing. Every stir will wake you up and for many, many months you won't sleep because the anxiety doesn't leave. But I like to think that you leaned on God a lot more during this season then you probably ever had before. He sends you friends who help you on this journey of becoming a mom and even friends who aren't mamas who will hold your baby while they chat with you for hours. You're not as alone as you feel. You are surrounded by community and the three jobs Kaleb is holding down now is only temporary. Fast forward two years later and he has an amazing job, the job you prayed for over and over again. See...God hears you. He sees you. You are known and loved even when you spend 8am to 11pm without talking to a single adult. You got through those first months of witching hours and crying. You got through those months when Elijah would only sleep when he was held. You got through the CIO stage and eventually he sleeps in his own bed. You battled rounds of mastitis, ear infections, baby falling off the couch, postpartum depression, Sunday mornings spent in the nursing mama's room, Elijah's first trip to the ER. And even though it doesn't feel like it in those moments, your world is not crumbling I promise. You also get through milestones you thought would never come. He learns to crawl, walk, and talk. He pops his first four teeth within six days of each other and you lived to tell the tale. His first food was an avocado and he would still rather use his hands to eat than a spoon or fork. He learns to climb out of his crib much sooner than you ever thought he would and now he's two and sleeping in a twin bed. He blows your mind with how smart he is and how quickly he picks things up. He is strong willed and doesn't respond to discipline very well but somehow God will use his bold, courageous spirit for the Kingdom.

So, with Abigail you'll still learn a lot but there's so many things you already know now mama.
Nurse her when she wants and don't look at the clock.
Wear her so you can cuddle her and still play with Elijah.
Hold her if that's what she wants and don't force her to fall asleep if she's happy being awake.
Don't cry when you're sick and home with both babies, you can do it.
Let Elijah poke her nose and touch her head.
It's ok if she cries, it doesn't always mean something is wrong.
Open the blinds those first few weeks and turn the worship music on extra loud.
Put down the phone and trust your first instinct, you don't always have to call the pediatrician.
Utilize the community God has given you and ask for prayer or help when you need it.
Do not feel bad about Elijah watching too much TV at the beginning, Abigail needs you a little more than he does and that's ok.
Do not feel bad about putting her down in her crib so you can go to the bathroom.
It's ok if she cries while you're out at a restaurant. Just take a deep breath and nurse her.
If she kicks off the cover while you nurse her don't run to the bathroom, just feed her where you're at.
Eventually both kids will be crying at the same time-assess the situation and conquer one problem at a time.
Don't rush the days because they are few and far between.
Breathe in her new baby smell because that's a tiny glimpse of Heaven.
Thank God for her everyday even when it feels like you're going a little stir crazy.
Let Elijah bring you diapers and wipes and burp rags. He's anxious to help.
But most of all enjoy your babies. They are rewards from the King Himself.

Elijah has had sleep issues since he was about four months old. He's had seasons of sleeping in his crib on his own, taking great naps, putting himself to sleep, etc. But majority of the time we're like all of the other parents at 3am letting their toddler come into their bed because it's easier than fighting them to go back into their own. It's a routine now, honestly. I don't even notice it as I roll over and tell Kaleb that Elijah is crying. It's the same thing every night:

Go get Elijah from his bed-put him into ours
Go get his fan-plug it in our room
Grab his pillow-put it on our bed
Soothe him back to sleep-crash

And then every morning when Kaleb wakes up around 6am to get ready for work I roll out of bed, pee (as is the pregnant lady way), and go back to sleep on his side. I've noticed it every morning but for some reason this morning it stood out to me even more-Elijah was almost practically on Kaleb's pillow. I had to scoot him over to my side to finally squeeze in on Kaleb's. It's amazing what my husband tolerates all night long. He sacrifices his sleep so that Elijah and I are comfortable. The tiny amount of room he has makes me wonder how he doesn't fall off the bed most nights. It doesn't at all surprise me though, this is who Kaleb is. He sacrifices everything all the time. I know this is basically in the handbook of marriage but I can attest that their aren't many husbands who actually follow through with this sacred act of dying to their own time, money, and energy so their loved ones can have a great life.

He came home early from work today and helped me pack up the rest of the apartment. He didn't once ask for a moment of rest which would have been his right seeing as he works all day throughout the week. He just packed and joked with me. Strategizing our next box of dishes, washing the ones that were still in the sink, wrapping them up once they were dry, and then stacking that box on top of the mountain of other ones in our living room. He wears Elijah and keeps him entertained during Abby's appointments so that the doctors can focus on me and her. He picks up the annoying every day essentials like diapers and gallons of water even when he just got out of rush hour traffic. He slides into bed tired and worn out, counting the hours before Elijah wakes up again and still offers Abigail and I some prayer and snuggle time. His sacrificial love is the most beautiful kind of love I've ever had the chance of knowing.

That's Jesus.

I vowed last year that I would participate this year in the 31 days of writing challenge. To learn more about it and even sign up to do it yourself just go here. I have every reason to not accept this challenge this year but more than just expanding my writing and going deeper on one topic I'm also seeing this as an opportunity to slow down and really see Jesus in the mundane for 31 consecutive days. I'm not sure if I'll make it to be honest. I might make it to day 10 or day 18 and fall completely behind or I might complete this thing in perfect accordance with October. I think I'm a little crazy accepting such a challenge when I'm wading through the junk currently going on but maybe it's just crazy enough that it will work.



Elijah is always doing something new or saying new phrases and words that I'm honestly not sure where he picked them up. The other day he was watching me play Candy Crush and said "RAINBOW MAMA!!!" I don't think I've ever told him what a rainbow looked like or showed him a picture of one so I have no idea how he knew. Probably all of the random Netflix shows he watches. Another weird thing he has been doing lately is crossing his arms across his chest and exclaiming-"I scared! I scared!"At first I would brush it off but he does it so much lately that I started thinking it was a good opportunity to pray with him. When he would say it I would ask him if he wanted to pray about it so he wasn't scared anymore. He would say okay and climb up on the couch so he could sit next to me. I placed my hand on his back and prayed for the Lord to take away his fear. Obviously he's two so he would say amen and then not long after that exclaim that he was scared again but the point I was trying to show him was that you can pray when you're scared. God doesn't give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7) and even though he doesn't quite understand it right now I want to instill that in him. In the deepest part of his heart where he will hide his fear as young boy one day I want him to remember praying with me on the couch to not be afraid.



Kids preach, y'all. They really do. Most lessons from God that I learn come from something happening with Elijah so of course this was no different. We got some scary news about Abigail yesterday (hence why this first post is late). I will definitely share more once we know for sure what's going on but for now we have to get some tests done and I'm terrified. I'm so terrified. There is already a giant mountain in front of us with trying to move that this mountain now seems like too much. As I typed that I could hear the verse "This mountain will be thrown into the midst of the sea." My version of scared is obviously very different from Elijah's version but the answer is still the same. Pray the fear away. God is so much bigger than a diagnosis or a problem. He's so much bigger than these mountains. Part of me knows the Truth of who He is and another part is still just so scared. So, I'll pray. I'll keep praying until that fear turns to peace. I'll pray until God's healing hand moves over my womb. I'll do it because Elijah is reminding me that fear has no place in our life.

That's Jesus.

TWO!!!!!!

My first born is two. My oldest baby is not even looking like a baby anymore. He seems so grown up even though I know there is so much more growing he still has to do. A few things this two year old can do/likes:

• Forming actual sentences
• Loves to repeat
• Has become a much pickier eater #pickyeatersclub
• Favorite foods-all fruit, PBJ sandwiches, and anything that's dippable
• Down to one nap a day
• Can climb out of his crib and pack n play
• Has become more of an early riser
• Loves to "play" golf
• Loves for anyone and everyone to read to him
• Favorite TV shows are Jake and The Neverland Pirates ("Yo-Ho") and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
• Loves the slide at the park and will spend a whole hour going down it over and over again
• Loves the splash pad
• Wearing 2T clothes
• Size 5-6 in shoes
• Can use the potty and asks constantly but we haven't begun full on potty training yet
• Runs everywhere. Walking is too slow for him.
• Loves to kiss mama's belly and say hello to his baby sibling
• Not shy at all, extremely friendly
• Current favorite phrases-"Oh, MAN!" and "Daddy, come here!" 
• Loves playing with other kids but hasn't quite learned how to share toys yet

I have tried to write about my experience at Marriage Encounter as I said I would. I have also tried to write a Mother's Day post but the only post I want and need to write is the one I've typed up and deleted a few times in the last few weeks. This blog is my safe haven and my voice, it's my raw and vulnerable state where I love to be. No one likes sharing the awful and tragic parts of their life but this is my place to do it. So much freedom comes from writing it all down even if that means sharing it with the world or just sharing it with my small part of this world.

I thought it would take forever to get from the one year post to this one. 6 months seems like a long time when you say it out loud but Elijah turning an entire year AND a half has completely caught me off guard. Has it really been 6 months already since I threw his first birthday party? And does this really mean that we are now 6 months away from him turning 2? This is cray, y'all. It's also really hard to remember what new developments/milestones have passed in the last 6 months so bare with me here. At 18 months-

• 23 lbs
• 33 inches
• Learning how to eat with a spoon
• Has a special night time/morning drink to help him sleep (tart cherry juice mixed with milk-it works wonders)
• Still taking 2 naps and sleeps about 11 hours at night (until the 18m sleep regression hit. Oy.)
• LOVES to dance
• Some new words: Banene (banana), Obi (My father in law), pawpaw (my dad), tree, pease (please), up, Nonna (My mother in law), yesh (yes)
• Phrases he's mastered: Bye dada and Hi mama
• Tries to sing along to certain songs in the car. It's probably the cutest thing ever
• Wearing 18m clothes but a few 12m shirts still fit
• Loves crayons but gets bored when trying to color
• Starting to be fairly picky
• Favorite foods are any type of mexican food, bananas, and pb&j
• Climbs on everything
• Extremely friendly. Says hi to people every time we're out and about
• Loves the park
• Gives kisses all the time
• Loves to be tickled and now knows how to tickle other people
• Knows how to sniff things when we ask him to smell something and can blow on his food when we tell him it's hot

So thankful that Emily P. Freeman decided to do another link-up that I actually read about it when it happened. I usually catch them a few days late and then forget about them. The last one I did was the letter to my 17 year old self. Wow. That one holds so much for me. So I'm catching this one before it disappears on me. A few things I learned in 2014.

First off I wanted to leave these here because I am so proud of myself for keeping up with these posts for an entire year:

To this guy, the man I gave my forever to, I must say that nothing he does goes unnoticed. The hard work he puts in to provide for Elijah and I, the things he does at home long after he's clocked out, and the amount of time and love he never seems to run out of for our son. None of it has gone unnoticed, I see him, my sweet husband. I see him.