The Hargrove Home

Dear baby,

Day dreaming of what you could be has me also dreaming of the hopes I have for you. None of these things are standards you have to reach they are just a mother's hope that her and daddy can instill in you parts of them as well as watch you grow into hobbies we've never mastered.

I hope you love music. I'm trying very hard to make that a possibility now by always putting headphones over my tummy so you can listen. I hope that you love music so much that you sing, or play the drums. And if you do those things I hope you remember that it is a gift from God only to be given right back to Him. Worshipping with your instrument is a beautiful and powerful thing. I hope you do this and fall in love with it the way we have.

I hope you like to write. I left writing for a while (biggest mistake ever) because I felt like no one cared about what I had to say or that I didn't have enough experience to write about anything that others would care about. God is so sweet. He has used my words to touch others and I can't fathom how He did that. Just remember to stay humble. Having a big head on something you love to do can kill it quickly.

I hope you love movies. I can already see you and daddy sitting at the dinner table discussing directors of new movies and actors you love so much. I try and learn from him as much as I can. I think I'm catching on quite fast. Maybe we can all discuss these things together one day.

I hope you love to play outside. That's all I did when I was younger. Our backyard was huge growing up in West, Texas so my sister (your aunt) and I would play for hours and hours outside. We made up games and played real ones. We would use our imagination and pretend to be on crazy adventures. I learned how to ride a bike when we lived there. I hope you learn to love the fun of a backyard instead of playing inside all day. A dream of mine is to hear your laughter roll through an open window on a summer day.

I hope you love the small things. I know technology can be fun. I mean right now I'm typing this from our iPad which daddy plays on more than I do. And I'll admit that I'm addicted to my phone. Always playing games or checking on my social media networks. So, I know you'll want Leapads, Xboxes, and hand held games for the car but I hope you remember to love Barbies, dress up clothes, and Ragedy Ann dolls (if you're a girl) and Hotwheels, army men, and Leggos (if you're a boy). Although, if we're honest, you'll probably play with anything. I just hope you love those and remember to cherish toys as well as the technology.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Less than 3 weeks till we find out what you are. I'm so anxious it hurts!

Happenings lately:

-I am 15 weeks as of Saturday. I only gained 3 pounds since my last appt
-We find out what we're having on v-day (how stinkin cute)
-My sister and hopefully my mom are coming to visit that weekend to help set up baby room
-Kaleb starts training for his new job this Thursday and will be done with training next Wednesday
-After his schedule is set Kaleb will start classes online for Global University (EEE!!)
-Leadership training for Chi Alpha started this morning
-Life group has started back up and I am STOKED
-Pawpaw's 90th birthday party is in just a couple of weeks (how cool!)
-Achilles has finally settled into apt life which makes our lives much easier
-AND Kaleb and I went on a mini vacation to Rockport/Corpus. The pictures I'm posting are from The Texas State Aquarium and the Pier in Corpus Christi. Enjoy!

One thing I cannot mention just yet on here has recently happened in my family. All I ask is for prayers! Lots and lots of them for this will be a hard time for them and myself. Thank you so much!

The spring semester arrived a lot sooner than I thought it would. Granted, I'm not in school but I am in ministry and I get really giddy when the spring comes. New faces, old ones coming back again, new relationships, graduations, etc. But most of all something beautiful happens this semester in my opinion. God does a new work and yet He still continues the one He started during the fall semester. I was recently presented with a decision to make. I don't necessarily have to make this decision now but I hate sitting on indecision. I need to know my next move months in advance. Trust me, It's something God is dealing with me on. Today I am 14 weeks pregnant. My second trimester is finally here!!! And in July a baby will enter our home. This baby will change everything so I have to make the decision if I want to be a life group leader again next year. My heart drops even writing that sentence. Chi Alpha is forever for my family. Kaleb will be a Chi Alpha pastor, our children will grow up in this ministry, and I will be his wife which means I have an important role to play though sometimes I have to cry to Jesus and remind myself of that truth. My pastor said something that rings so true in our hearts-Ministry doesn't stop when you have kids. Talk about knocking the wind out of me. Ministry will never stop for us which is honestly one of the best feelings to me. If there was an end to ministry for Kaleb and I my heart would be torn. Now, one thing is for sure-In making this decision I will not forget that my ministry comes first to my child. That's what makes this so hard I think. These girls have been my spiritual babies. I feel like mother hen with everything going on in their lives. I love them so very much. Words seriously can't describe how much I love my sweet life group.

I was texting Kaleb this morning about this and his words are so comforting. He's behind every decision I make. I'm going to be a stay at home mom and he not only supports that but encourages it. He doesn't want someone else watching our baby grow up any more than I do. He's also encouraging about me being a life group leader again this next year. Ultimately when asking the Lord for counsel He so sweetly said it's up to me. How beautiful is our God, friends?! To just allow us the free will of making our steps. I think this is God pushing me out of my comfort zone. I so rarely make decisions all by myself. I always seek out advice from my mentor, my friends, my husband, my pastor and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that it's become a comfort zone for me. If I don't have their approval and thoughts on something I can't seem to move forward. It's a curse and a blessing I'm sure. I'm leaning toward being super woman next year. I'm sure there's no argument there. ;]

Dear baby,

We are super anxious to find out what you are. I can hardly contain my heart beat's when I imagine the very different decorations going up in your room depending on your gender. I freak out a little when I think of the clothes I want to buy you depending on what you are. And I definitely tear up at the thought of how different raising you will be depending on if you are a boy or a girl. The things we will teach you and show you will be the same concept but raising a boy verses a girl are still very different. God knew this whole time though. Before you were ever a thought in our mind's, He set you a part. It's a weird concept even for me mostly. Tonight your daddy and I are baby sitting for some friends. Their baby is staying the night with us so we've had the whole day with her. It didn't hit me until just an hour ago how amazing your daddy will be to you. He's an amazing husband so of course why would I expect anything less from him when fulfilling the role of dad but tonight I saw it first hand. He cooked dinner and when you decided to say no (You seem to make me a picky eater these days) he ran right out and got something. He came back home and did the dishes. He was on top of every diaper change needed...before I could even get to her. He kept making her laugh over and over again. Like he does for me throughout the day. He was born to be your dad just like you were born to be our baby. His love for you is intense. It's something I'll never understand I'm sure. Every morning without fail he lifts back the covers and my shirt to reveal the place you are growing inside of and kisses it. He's kissing you. And he dreams about you a lot. He is always ready to talk about you to anyone who will listen. I believe that's something that will never cease. Bragging about you is something I can already see him being good at. Growing up, having rules, not understanding a lot at certain ages will make you turn against your parents at times. Sometimes both, sometimes one or the other. So there's one thing I hope you keep in mind-On the nights that you are furious with your dad for whatever reason I hope you can read this and know that he loves you unconditionally. Always and forever, he will love you sweet baby. Always and forever you will be the apple of his eye and you will have his heart. Always and forever.

Love,
Mommy

Baby,

Something is on my heart heavy today. It's like a weight I can't push off until I tell you. Because I know kid's grow up hearing things and then wondering for themselves if it's true or not. So to clear the air-You were planned. I mean literally. Daddy and I planned for you to be here, we prayed about it, we got counsel over it (actually I got counsel from one person over it but she is someone who I get all of my wise counseling from. She is my mentor). You were intentionally thought out, my baby. And that's a hard pill for some people to swallow. Not that it was wrong but a lot of people have opinions on our timeline for things. We rush to quickly and don't think these things through but I've been thinking about you since I was 17. After a traumatic event that year (which I will tell you about when you're much older) I was growing with the Lord. I hadn't given my heart to Him yet but I was working towards it. Something He sweetly whispered to me one night was "I'm taking care of that baby. Don't you worry." And from that day I knew you would never come at the wrong time. Sometimes I feel like we think about things almost too much. When God tells you to go, please go. If He tells you to be a missionary in Ethiopia, go. If He tell's you to be a pastor, go. If He tells you to sing, do it. If He tell's you to be bold, BE BOLD! There isn't enough time left to let fear control your direction in life. Read that again-There isn't enough time left to let fear control your direction in life. That's not said to scare you, my sweet baby. That's said to let you know that you should live out your life for Christ now instead of later.

He's tangible. Know that now. That's something I've spent my whole life (my new life) trying to wrap my head around. He's forming you in my womb right now. He's moving things around inside of me so you can grow and be healthy. He's molding your future spouse. He's in our home. He reigns inside of our hearts. He's there every time I cried over you. He's there when you have your first heartbreak. He's there when you decide on your path. He's there when you walk into your first grade class. He's there when you fall of your bike for the first time. He was right next to daddy when he found his father passed away. He was there when I tried to hide. He's there. He's real. You can touch Him. You can speak to Him and He will always speak to you. And I am a living witness that He. Never. Leaves.
He never leaves us, baby. Through tears now, I can tell that I still struggle with that myself. He walks with me and He'll walk with you soon enough. So, never let others dictate your next move in life. If you're praying about it and God is speaking to you on it then go. Just go.

I love you,
Mommy

P.S. Thanks for waving to me yesterday on the screen. I cried my eyes out in front of the ultrasound technician but it was so worth it.

To my sweet unborn baby,

When I look around my house I see table top's that almost can't be seen because of the scattered messe of bills, food, dishes, and random things. I look around and see a ripped a couch and empty book shelves begging to hold our DVD's again but won't until we move. I see a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house with cluttered rooms; half packed, half scattered.