The Hargrove Home

I'm walking into the unknown and it's scary. Grace laden, this road is still scary. With each new milestone Elijah has my anxiety spikes. I keep thinking the next time his head smacks the ground he won't get right back up and laugh, he'll cry this time. He rarely does. He's strong. I wish I was as strong as him or as carefree.

I'm sitting by myself in my living room right now writing this post. Do you know how long it's been since I sat by myself? Elijah is asleep and Kaleb had to go back to work to refill some machine (Whatever SAMS club) and so here I sit with my thoughts and my blog. I can't really gather my thoughts in all honesty. They're just a jumble of words floating at the surface of the water kinda like my family. Kaleb is searching for a second job….again. I thought we were out of this season but we're not. We can't seem to get ahead. Kaleb's hours are so wonky lately. One week he'll work 4-5 days straight and the next he'll have 2 days scattered in a week. That's not enough. We haven't paid on our student loans in 6 months, we have every day bills/expenses, and now we have to get our emergency break fixed so that we can get our inspection passed and pay off the ticket we got for having it expired in the first place. Which brings us to the conclusion that he has to get a second job. Something part time, a 2-3 day a week kinda gig. So, if you're reading this and you know of somewhere that is hiring then please let us know. Anyway…Kaleb. *sigh* It's hard to watch your husband go through this. Quitting jobs only to get better ones then quitting those ones and looking for new ones to finally getting a great job where he's working his way up only to having to find a second job. I'm at a loss. We agreed from the beginning that I would stay home with Elijah. Daycare isn't an option for us so here I sit typing a blog while he's at work again. My heart aches for him but this is scripture being lived out the way God said it would be.

Kaleb and I are learning how to live off just his paycheck since next week is my last week watching the babies and one of my last paychecks come's next week as well. So, it's difficult. I don't like to discuss our finances with people. Any of it. How much we make, how much our bills are, etc. But I will say that we have been living just fine. Never hurting for anything or struggling. We moved to the apartment to help downsize our bills and life has been good especially with so many people giving us stuff for Elijah. Life has just been...good.

I can't breathe this in enough. The incredible blessings flowing from my sweet King and without reason. I feel I have done nothing to deserve His goodness but He continues to give it anyway. Kaleb and I have been getting fantastic deals on baby furniture/items. Check it out!

This cradle was given to us by Kaleb's mom. Free cradle!! Also, we are getting a crib and car seat for free from his aunt but those have not arrived yet.

A diaper changing table for 20 bucks! Something we weren't even planning on getting but how could we pass up that deal?!

Another free item! This was given to me by my mom when I got my first apartment. Kaleb and I painted it and put it in Elijah's room.

This is one of my favorite baby items ;] We traded in the truck for this $4800 4runner SUV. Even trade, folks. Enough room for Elijah AND Achilles in the back. It's so nice.

Not pictured: A stroller for $70 and a Pack N Play for $22

BLESSINGS!!! So many of them and not even just material items. This pregnancy (yes, even with the few things that have happened) has been fairly easy. I've read so many horror stories on other blogs and such where women had the hardest time carrying their baby. Even with the few things that have been going on it has not been as bad as I know it could be. God has His hand over Elijah and I...this is something I know full well but tend to forget very quickly.


CONFESSION:
I have to take this moment to make a confession. It's probably not one I should put on the internet for the whole world to see but I think it's beneficial really. I have caught myself saying ugly things about others lately. Judgmental things. *shudders* I can't believe I just typed that word. I hate judgement. I loathe it honestly. It's one of the things that sets a part certain Christians. It makes or break Christianity for others and that's why I hate it. I have committed many sins. A lot of them from my BC days but a good chunk of them still sit next to me, ready to strike at the most opportune moment. Last night the words were falling out of my mouth faster than I could blink and a sweet sister corrected me in this. She reminded me what I was like during a certain season of my life. A time when I was caught between standards and flesh. Between rules and my free spirit. It made me sad. Where is the girl from a couple of years back? The one who had this huge heart for others and saw grace everywhere she turned? I think I will put up a missing person's poster and see if I can find her because I've searched my self and she is no longer there. Though, I'm thinking I can get her back. I don't want Elijah to be born into home where his mama speaks negativity. I want him to love people. All people. Jesus sat and chatted with prostitutes and tax collectors. He broke bread with men who would turn on him. But most importantly-He loved them. I need to strive more for Christlikeness than letting the world pour in. It's a sad and ugly road back but I will get there.