The Hargrove Home

I haven't made this "blog public" or even Facebook public for that matter mostly because I wanted to be 110% sure it would even happen but I'm not 110% sure; I'm only 90% sure (which is good enough for me). The Hargrove's are (trying to) move to Fort Worth. We've been discussing it since before Elijah was born but we weren't sure if it was the right move for us, if we had the finances, if it was really worth it, etc. Kaleb has been training at his job to be in a higher position, however, since there is only 1 Sam's Club here in good ole' Angelo he can't obtain that position because it's already filled. In Fort Worth there are a bajillion Sam's. In fact, there is a new one opening in Burleson. We're praying extra hard that he can be a supervisor for the demo's in one of the many Sam's there. Do we want to leave Angelo? Meh. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The hardest thing for us will be leaving SAF. I can't even let myself think about it for too long because my heart hurts. But is it the smartest move for us? Yes, it's definitely starting to look that way. 2014 could be the year we get out of debt and that's more likely to happen if Kaleb could get this position. Our lease is up at the end of June so that's our time frame. Kaleb can apply to various locations, we can check on houses, and hopefully if everything works out we can get ready to make that 4 hour move. And in the midst of all of this I plan on throwing Elijah's first birthday party almost an entire month before his actual birthday because I'm determined to have all of his sweet baby friends a part of that celebration before we move.

So, there it is out in the open for all of the social media to read and if it doesn't happen it's going to be annoying to have to type that blog so I'm asking for prayers. Lots and lots of prayers that this works out for my family. Like many of my blogs have stated over the last 7 months-this has been the absolute hardest season we've ever been in. I stopped working to stay home with Elijah and Kaleb became the main provider. We've struggled to pay bills and keep groceries in the cabinets and with the paychecks that didn't go directly to bills we've had our battery go out in our car and tickets to pay off but Spring is coming. Spring. Is. Coming. The season where new life blooms is coming for us. I can see the sun and feel the warm breeze. God has been more than faithful through these rough months and our faith has rooted deeper because of the trials and tribulations. Most days it hasn't felt like it but when the light has broken through on the gray mornings I can see it. The roots, they're there.

I just got done rocking Elijah. We've been doing CIO at night now for a couple of weeks so we've just recently started CIO for naps. I really love rocking him. It's a sweet time for both mommy and son where I sing until his eyes are closed and then I usually hum for a bit longer and lay him down but this time I just rocked him in silence and decided it was a good time to pray. I didn't pray out loud but Elijah was surprisingly calm and quiet the whole time I talked to Jesus. Maybe he just knew. I told the Lord that I needed to break this habit and I needed to break it bad. I compare myself too much to other moms.

  "No other moms have this much issue with their kids sleep and they definitely don't feel as burdened as I do about it. Whats wrong with me? Am I just a whiney, annoying new mom?"

And then I felt this wave of sympathy rush over me like He understood and I don't know why that surprises me still. He understands every emotion I've ever felt and since He created my inmost being He gets me. He gets it. All of it. Every time I'm forced to hold Elijah while he naps, I usually cry. I don't want to be naive here-babies don't usually love sleep. But every nap, every day, 7 days a week I sit on the left hand corner of our couch with a pillow propping up my elbow and hold Elijah while he sleeps. And I cry and usually plead with God for a miracle but I never really pray. I feel selfish like I shouldn't pray for him to sleep in his crib. I feel silly and ridiculous so I don't pray about it a lot unless it's in the form of begging. But this time I did. As I was trying to get him calm enough to lay him down in his crib so we could start this CIO process for nap time I decided I needed to pray. And what came next just shows how sweet God is and how much He hurts with us when we're hurting.

He reminded me of Matthew 11:28 which says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

I'm sitting by myself in my living room right now writing this post. Do you know how long it's been since I sat by myself? Elijah is asleep and Kaleb had to go back to work to refill some machine (Whatever SAMS club) and so here I sit with my thoughts and my blog. I can't really gather my thoughts in all honesty. They're just a jumble of words floating at the surface of the water kinda like my family. Kaleb is searching for a second job….again. I thought we were out of this season but we're not. We can't seem to get ahead. Kaleb's hours are so wonky lately. One week he'll work 4-5 days straight and the next he'll have 2 days scattered in a week. That's not enough. We haven't paid on our student loans in 6 months, we have every day bills/expenses, and now we have to get our emergency break fixed so that we can get our inspection passed and pay off the ticket we got for having it expired in the first place. Which brings us to the conclusion that he has to get a second job. Something part time, a 2-3 day a week kinda gig. So, if you're reading this and you know of somewhere that is hiring then please let us know. Anyway…Kaleb. *sigh* It's hard to watch your husband go through this. Quitting jobs only to get better ones then quitting those ones and looking for new ones to finally getting a great job where he's working his way up only to having to find a second job. I'm at a loss. We agreed from the beginning that I would stay home with Elijah. Daycare isn't an option for us so here I sit typing a blog while he's at work again. My heart aches for him but this is scripture being lived out the way God said it would be.

Half a year has come and gone. Half of an entire year! My guy is 6 whole months. Ok, sorry. I'm done. The shock is still overwhelming. Here we gooooooo-

• He is 19 lbs even (75th percentile)
• He is 26.5 inches long (45th percentile)
• He has 4 teeth (all on the bottom)
• He still doesn't crawl but he does roll around and push himself forward with his feet to get around. I call this inch worming across the floor. 
• He can sit up independently for a few minutes before leaning over and falling
• His personality is definitely developing
• He laughs and gets excited when seeing Kaleb or myself
• He is more cautious of strange faces
• He has discovered his voice and loves to yell
• He has discovered his feet finally (that's what happens when you're fat;]) and tries to chew his toes
• He has started eating solid foods (fruits and vegetables)
• His sleep is still pretty awful (more about that below)
• He still nurses every 2 hours like the piglet he is
• I have started putting him in the nursery at church on Sunday mornings

2013 is coming to a close and it is bittersweet. This year has been good to my family and tough at the same time. Obviously, our biggest blessing we received this year was when our newest addition entered the world on July 12th. I think it's safe to say Kaleb and I have known dark days (my first few weeks of postpartum were a little scary) and some blindingly bright ones. Overall, it has been a stressful year with moves, job transitions, and financial problems but God has asked us to cling to Him and cling we have. There were many times rent shouldn't have been paid and groceries shouldn't have been in our fridge but He always provided. Somehow, some way we were never left empty handed.

Can I be honest? That's always a scary question but I think you will all be more than understanding. This year I barely sought out God's face. I read…every now and then. I prayed…every now and then. But like I've said before I felt as if I was crawling from week to week. Barely getting by with the minimal effort I was giving to my spiritual life. I would let Monday night and Sunday morning services fill me up just enough to get me to life group on Wednesday night so I could pour out over my girls. I would have nothing left to give my husband or, let alone, myself. It's scary to think I was ever a leader in Chi Alpha because this is how I made it through the year. People would pour into me and I would pour out to my life group and that was it. There was no real substance, no meat to chew, nothing nourishing. Just milk. Hm..Milk. Like what my baby drinks. My milk will only sustain Elijah for so long before he will NEED solid food. Oh, the comparison God can bring to light through a child. Kid's preach, folks. They really do. I'm sure you can make the connection. Once Elijah was born I could no longer sit in a service on Sunday mornings or Monday nights to help me make it through the week. That was when God really started showing me that something needed to change. I texted this to Kaleb the other day-"I feel like my soul is dying. I know that sounds dramatic but I feel like I can't breathe in this life. I need more. More God." And I do. I NEED more.

So, in 2014 I am not making any resolutions, I am making changes. Slowly but surely. Kaleb and I had a sweet conversation last night where we picked out routines, plans, times, etc for our quiet times (though with a baby they're not very quiet ;]). That's my change. That's what I'm going into 2014 with. I'm not going to throw my hands up and pretend I'll find time. I want to make time and intentionally go there to meet Him. I'm not making a resolution to be a better wife, a better mom, or a better friend. I'm making a change to be a better bride to my Jesus because then everything will fall into place. I've seen firsthand how sweet my life is when I'm earnestly seeking God's face, not just every now and then. Kaleb and I are stepping back from things and embracing others. Making time to grow together in our marriage and in our parental roles rather than pouring into others until we're dry. There's a season for everything under heaven and this is our season to soak it all in. If you're reading this-pray for us! Pray for our 2014 and we'll pray for yours.

Side note: I do want to write more, take more pictures and videos, and spend more time with my family outside of our home as well as spend time with our friends in 2014. Let's do this!

5 whole stinkin months! I can't believe this! These blog updates are being written way too soon for this mama's liking.

Well for starters I FINALLY got a new RSS reader. I say finally because Google shut down their reader in July and it is now December. Yep, FINALLY have a place to read all of the blogs I follow. If you're reading this and you blog, leave a comment telling me the name of yours so I can follow it. The RSS reader I'm using now is Feedly. I'm pretty much in love with it. It lets me organize the blogs I follow but putting them into certain categories. Love!

Anyway, well the time has come to move again. We found out last week that they are raising the rent at our apartment complex when our lease is up (Dec. 20th). They're raising it by almost $100. Um, no! There aren't even lights in the bedrooms. Not kidding! There are no ceiling fans/lights at all in either bedroom so in my opinion they're really pushing it already with what we pay now let alone raising the rent. So, needless to say, we're moving yet AGAIN. This will be my 5th move in the last 3 years. Absolutely insane! But the apartment we found is perfect for our finances and our family of 3. God is good, folks. So very good. I am going crazy though because we move-in 3 days before Christmas Eve which is at our place this year. Since it's Elijah's first Christmas we invited both families to our place. And to top it off Kaleb and I are both in a wedding the day before we move-in. Oh. Em. Gee. I kind of can't breathe if I think about all of it too much.

This will be life this month:
-Plan out the food for Whitney's lingerie shower (married ladies only)
-Plan decorations and food for Whitney's bachelorette party
-Pack up apartment/purge things
-Get the rest of Elijah's Christmas presents
-Get food for Christmas Eve dinner
-MOVE!
-Set up new apt + Christmas decor
-Get ready for rehearsal dinner and wedding. YAY Mason and Whitney
-Get Elijah's picture taken with Santa at the mall (that should be interesting)

^^I think somewhere in there I should add rest/breathe/eat. Ha! This is one busy month but I'm so excited for Mason and Whitney's wedding, our new place, AND Christmas time.

Also, Elijah turns 5 months in 9 days. *cue the tears*