2013 is coming to a close and it is bittersweet. This year has been good to my family and tough at the same time. Obviously, our biggest blessing we received this year was when our newest addition entered the world on July 12th. I think it's safe to say Kaleb and I have known dark days (my first few weeks of postpartum were a little scary) and some blindingly bright ones. Overall, it has been a stressful year with moves, job transitions, and financial problems but God has asked us to cling to Him and cling we have. There were many times rent shouldn't have been paid and groceries shouldn't have been in our fridge but He always provided. Somehow, some way we were never left empty handed.
Can I be honest? That's always a scary question but I think you will all be more than understanding. This year I barely sought out God's face. I read…every now and then. I prayed…every now and then. But like I've said before I felt as if I was crawling from week to week. Barely getting by with the minimal effort I was giving to my spiritual life. I would let Monday night and Sunday morning services fill me up just enough to get me to life group on Wednesday night so I could pour out over my girls. I would have nothing left to give my husband or, let alone, myself. It's scary to think I was ever a leader in Chi Alpha because this is how I made it through the year. People would pour into me and I would pour out to my life group and that was it. There was no real substance, no meat to chew, nothing nourishing. Just milk. Hm..Milk. Like what my baby drinks. My milk will only sustain Elijah for so long before he will NEED solid food. Oh, the comparison God can bring to light through a child. Kid's preach, folks. They really do. I'm sure you can make the connection. Once Elijah was born I could no longer sit in a service on Sunday mornings or Monday nights to help me make it through the week. That was when God really started showing me that something needed to change. I texted this to Kaleb the other day-"I feel like my soul is dying. I know that sounds dramatic but I feel like I can't breathe in this life. I need more. More God." And I do. I NEED more.
So, in 2014 I am not making any resolutions, I am making changes. Slowly but surely. Kaleb and I had a sweet conversation last night where we picked out routines, plans, times, etc for our quiet times (though with a baby they're not very quiet ;]). That's my change. That's what I'm going into 2014 with. I'm not going to throw my hands up and pretend I'll find time. I want to make time and intentionally go there to meet Him. I'm not making a resolution to be a better wife, a better mom, or a better friend. I'm making a change to be a better bride to my Jesus because then everything will fall into place. I've seen firsthand how sweet my life is when I'm earnestly seeking God's face, not just every now and then. Kaleb and I are stepping back from things and embracing others. Making time to grow together in our marriage and in our parental roles rather than pouring into others until we're dry. There's a season for everything under heaven and this is our season to soak it all in. If you're reading this-pray for us! Pray for our 2014 and we'll pray for yours.
Side note: I do want to write more, take more pictures and videos, and spend more time with my family outside of our home as well as spend time with our friends in 2014. Let's do this!
5 whole stinkin months! I can't believe this! These blog updates are being written way too soon for this mama's liking.
-At 5 months Elijah weighs 17lbs 11oz
-He's 26 in long
-He's very mobile! I can't leave the room for very long or I won't be able to find him!
-He hasn't sat up on his own but with our help he sits up independently for about 30 seconds
-My EBF little guy still wakes every 2-3 hours at night
-He sleeps and naps in his pack n play more independently now
-He is discovering how much he likes toys
-He sits in his walker and watches mama clean
-We are still cloth diapering every now and then but are still working on building up our stash
-Finally laughing a lot!
-Makes lots of new interesting sounds. He likes the sound of his voice for sure
-He is in 6-9 month clothes
-He likes to touch our faces and grab anything in our hands
-He is definitely interested in food though we haven't started him on solids yet
This month is INSANE. Elijah will have his first Christmas, he will attend his first wedding, have his first move, and will be in his own room soon. We move into our new apartment next week and will then start letting Elijah sleep in his own room. I'm not so much nervous as I am frustrated. Since he wakes up so many times during the night I am going to have to make many trips across the hall to nurse him and get him back to sleep. Whereas now I would just have to sit up in bed, nurse him, and put him back in his pack n play. But I am excited to get more sleep in the mornings. He likes to wake up around 7am and start playing and chatting in his pack n play so needless to say Kaleb and I will be able to rest easier in the mornings with him in his own room. Also happening in the new apartment will be his first Christmas! Both families are coming on Christmas Eve to have dinner and open presents. I can't wait to see how a 5 month old does with presents. It should definitely be fun. It's true what they say-holidays are so much fun when you have children!
Well for starters I FINALLY got a new RSS reader. I say finally because Google shut down their reader in July and it is now December. Yep, FINALLY have a place to read all of the blogs I follow. If you're reading this and you blog, leave a comment telling me the name of yours so I can follow it. The RSS reader I'm using now is Feedly. I'm pretty much in love with it. It lets me organize the blogs I follow but putting them into certain categories. Love!
Anyway, well the time has come to move again. We found out last week that they are raising the rent at our apartment complex when our lease is up (Dec. 20th). They're raising it by almost $100. Um, no! There aren't even lights in the bedrooms. Not kidding! There are no ceiling fans/lights at all in either bedroom so in my opinion they're really pushing it already with what we pay now let alone raising the rent. So, needless to say, we're moving yet AGAIN. This will be my 5th move in the last 3 years. Absolutely insane! But the apartment we found is perfect for our finances and our family of 3. God is good, folks. So very good. I am going crazy though because we move-in 3 days before Christmas Eve which is at our place this year. Since it's Elijah's first Christmas we invited both families to our place. And to top it off Kaleb and I are both in a wedding the day before we move-in. Oh. Em. Gee. I kind of can't breathe if I think about all of it too much.
This will be life this month:
-Plan out the food for Whitney's lingerie shower (married ladies only)
-Plan decorations and food for Whitney's bachelorette party
-Pack up apartment/purge things
-Get the rest of Elijah's Christmas presents
-Get food for Christmas Eve dinner
-MOVE!
-Set up new apt + Christmas decor
-Get ready for rehearsal dinner and wedding. YAY Mason and Whitney
-Get Elijah's picture taken with Santa at the mall (that should be interesting)
^^I think somewhere in there I should add rest/breathe/eat. Ha! This is one busy month but I'm so excited for Mason and Whitney's wedding, our new place, AND Christmas time.
Also, Elijah turns 5 months in 9 days. *cue the tears*
From back to front: Kylah Kotze, Mindy Murphy, Shawna Whitney, Ashlee Miller, Bre Hargrove, and Whitney Holder (soon to be Whitney Pierce next month)
This is my beautiful Chi Alpha family tree. For those of you who are not versed in the Chi Alpha language this family tree is of leaders who put the person standing in front of them through leadership training. Starting at Kylah and ending (but not ending indefinitely) with Whitney.
2 years ago at SLA, a leadership conference, I first heard of the term "family tree." Eli Gautreaux, the pastor of SHSU Chi Alpha, introduced this term along with a picture during the conference. The picture was similar to this one. Eli told us the names, occupations, and even the year they served in XA. All of them in some form or fashion was still serving the Lord. I'm proud to say that all of these women myself included are doing the same. Whether it's in Chi Alpha, our church, their job, or within their family they are serving Jesus. We are all still fighting the good the fight and discipling other women.
The same time I found out who was the start of my family tree I actually joined her life group within our church here in San Angelo. Pretty neat! Kylah and her husband Michael were leading a young married life group right after Kaleb and I had got married. It's fun to see how we all have connected with each other at least once since becoming leaders in Chi Alpha.
I can't speak for all of these lovely ladies but I have personally been touched by each of them. Whether it's through learning how to navigate mamahood or just sharing life with each other I have grown in some way through conversations with each of them. I might be biased but this family tree is my all time favorite! ;]
Also, I think it's pretty cool that we're all married now. Including Whitney who will be getting married next month! Yay! =]
Wasn't I just writing Elijah's 3 month blog yesterday? Where have these last 4 months gone?! I checked under the couch, the coffee table, the beds, and even in the dishwasher and I cannot find these last 4 months anywhere. We've hit winter already. When did that happen? Wasn't it just July? Goodness. I've got to slow down. I feel like I'm completely missing out on Elijah's baby stage. I need to rest and breathe this season in more before it's gone forever. Time for some updates
- 16lbs 2oz (65th percentile)
- 25 inches long (40th percentile)
- He's obviously a fat shortie :)
- He slept for 6.5 hours last night! Longest he's ever slept.
- He's learning to scoot/rotate when he's on his tummy
- He does "baby push-ups" where he pushes up on his hands now
- He is in 6m clothes
- We have began cloth diapering and he loves it! I'm trying desperately to build up our stash
- He is still EBF (exclusively breastfed)
- The medicine he's on for his acid reflux is helping TREMENDOUSLY
- Still learning to laugh but giggles constantly
- He sleeps and naps in his cradle now
Elijah's first Halloween was a success. We dressed him as a crab and he slept through most of it. I'm sure next year he'll be running all over the place. Kaleb and I are now anxiously waiting for his first Thanksgiving and Christmas. So excited! The day he turned 4 months (literally the EXACT day) he turned into a whole new baby. Ha! He started napping in his cradle in our room AND he has stopped needing to be rocked before he's laid down. He's still really fussy before we lay him down at night for bed but just the fact that he can sleep in a room without us now is great progress. He's growing way too fast, folks. If only there was a way to pause for a little while.
I've typed up 3 posts in the last 2 weeks and I have deleted every single one of them. This is the creative process with writing normally but for me I'm always scared of the words that could be said back to my posts. Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of negative feedback when spilling out my heart. It hurts. Sometimes it's in response to a blog I've written, other times it's something I've done or said. Though I'm sure this was no one's intentions I feel very unsafe when speaking my heart now. Something I hope everyone understands about my blog is this-I am not a professional writer. I do not get paid for this. I don't have a quota of blogs written that has to be met each week. This is my sanctuary. This is the place I go to write out my heart, understand better what God is trying to say to me, and even to be wrong at times. But that being said this blog is mine. It's my own heart being spilled out through constant key strokes and sometimes even tears. My words are not wrong or right they are just mine. They are my opinions and thoughts usually scattered out over multiple posts.
I am not a theologian. I do not understand many verses in the Bible though I try my best to seek what God is trying to tell me through scripture. I am not a counselor. I cannot fix your problems through my blog but I can listen if you ever need a friend. I am not a preacher. I can't spout my testimony, pair it with wisdom, and expect you to get saved or even to understand just how ashamed I am of who I use to be. I am just a wife and a mama trying to learn how to be a Kingdom woman and how I can better serve my God and my family.
So, I will no longer be sharing my posts via Facebook. I will share my posts containing updates of Elijah for family but all other posts will only be written, never shared. If you would like to subscribe to my blog you most definitely can keep up with my family and my heart through that. This is not a bad thing in my opinion. I shouldn't force anyones curiosity by sharing my blog via social media networks. I, personally, think this is a good thing. Its a new season for my writing. And if you enjoy taking a look into my heart, hit that subscribe button. I don't mind one bit. Thanks for reading!
GO
Together
Because I am never truly alone
Together with You, My King is where my heart finds truth
You deal with me in ways only I can understand.
I say deal because I am stubborn but when You speak I am instantly brought to my knees in an attempt to understand what it means to really demonstrate sacrificial love. I'm trying to show it to my sweet baby. But I will never learn this on my own.
Together.
Together You take my husbands hand and mine and help us lead this life you've entrusted us with. Together we are three. You lead, we trail a bit behind, and then behind us is Elijah. We gave him a strong name for a reason. Savior, together is the only way we can do this.
Together my husband and I will fight to know You more, to hear Your voice, to understand Your word in hopes that we can show Elijah Your grace.
Because one day he will not walk with us, he will walk with You. And You and him will be together.
