The Hargrove Home

Dear Abigail,

I can't believe you're almost here! I guess technically you could "come any time now" but I'll go with what my midwife said and say you should really wait until 39 weeks because that's the new full term. Either way I know the Lord has your birthday specifically picked before He ever started forming you. Everything seems to be in place like I said in my last letter. Daddy and I even had our last date night for a while. I don't think there is really anything else to do before you arrival except rest and take it easy. All of the fun begins once you get here! This will be my last letter to you before you're born. How crazy is that to think of?! It's hard to keep the condo super clean because of your brother but I'm doing my best to keep it tidy for when you decide to show up. We are anxiously waiting for you sweet girl!

Love,
Mama

At 37 weeks:
-I have lost 2lbs so total weight gain is 30lbs so far
-You have dropped! See picture for visual
-You are back to head down
-No Pre Eclampsia so far, everything looks good with that
-You push on my sides a lot and very hard
-You are still so active. I don't have to do kick counts for you ever
-Contractions come and go, nothing exciting yet
-Somehow still no stretch marks but goodness you have made my belly very veiny
-Pretty swollen, had to take my wedding rings off at 36 weeks

Dear Abigail,

Well, your shower is over. Clothes have been washed and put away in their proper monthly spots. Socks have found their sole mates and pretty dresses are hanging on the other side of brother's button downs and polos. Decor is hung on your side of the room and even though daddy told me he'd do it, I put the rest of the crib together as well as wiped down all sides and corners of things you will eventually touch. A labor playlist is waiting on Spotify, your diaper bag is packed and sitting in the corner of the room complete with the most adorable coming home outfit folded neatly and placed at the bottom. The swing is put together in the living room, cradle is sweetly adorning the corner of our room, and the spot underneath our vanity is filling quickly with things I'll need in the middle of the night for you. Everything and everyone is (im)patiently waiting for your arrival though we still have 8 weeks left. The last stretch is the hardest and I remember it with your brother. The last few weeks feel agonizing especially when you feel so prepared but sitting here looking around at all of your things I know that I'm not as ready for you as I feel.

I thought the same thing with Elijah. I was ready for him but then he came and my heart almost exploded with the love that overflowed for him. I almost couldn't handle it. Would I be able to catch my breath when looking at him ever again? Would I be able to protect him from all of the evil in this world? Would he always love and need me as much as he did those first months? A resounding no answers all of those questions as they will for you someday. I gave your brother up to the Lord when he was nine days old and it's an act I play over and over again. It'll be the same with you and though I don't want to be this mom I'm sure I'll continue doing it even as you grow into a woman, wife, and mother of your own someday.

I'm dreaming of your sweet nose that I can see so clearly in your sonogram pictures. I'm wondering if you will have dark hair like daddy or light hair like me. I'm curious to see how you and Elijah get along during these first months. I can't wait to wear you and have you up close always, smelling your hair which will inevitably hold the scent of Heaven. I can't wait to swaddle you and place you sweetly in the middle of your cradle. I can't wait to take you to Kerrville for the first time and have a party in your honor. I just can't wait...for everything.

Dear Bre,

You are swollen to no end girlfriend and this last stretch of pregnancy feels like it's taking forever but everything is going to come so fast. You've prayed and dreamed up this labor and delivery process and for the most part you get exactly what you wanted. You're mighty. You birth your baby with no medicine even though they had to induce you and you feel like you're almost on a powerful high after that twelve hour labor but then he's out and on your chest and you realize you prepared so well for the birth but not so much for the everything after. In the hospital your husband does most of the work because you're not really there. You didn't change Elijah's diaper yourself until the third day of his life but I promise you he will never remember that. Being a new mom hit you fast and hard as it does every woman. You'll spend most nights nursing and then sliding your finger underneath his nose while he's sleeping so you can make sure he's still breathing. Every stir will wake you up and for many, many months you won't sleep because the anxiety doesn't leave. But I like to think that you leaned on God a lot more during this season then you probably ever had before. He sends you friends who help you on this journey of becoming a mom and even friends who aren't mamas who will hold your baby while they chat with you for hours. You're not as alone as you feel. You are surrounded by community and the three jobs Kaleb is holding down now is only temporary. Fast forward two years later and he has an amazing job, the job you prayed for over and over again. See...God hears you. He sees you. You are known and loved even when you spend 8am to 11pm without talking to a single adult. You got through those first months of witching hours and crying. You got through those months when Elijah would only sleep when he was held. You got through the CIO stage and eventually he sleeps in his own bed. You battled rounds of mastitis, ear infections, baby falling off the couch, postpartum depression, Sunday mornings spent in the nursing mama's room, Elijah's first trip to the ER. And even though it doesn't feel like it in those moments, your world is not crumbling I promise. You also get through milestones you thought would never come. He learns to crawl, walk, and talk. He pops his first four teeth within six days of each other and you lived to tell the tale. His first food was an avocado and he would still rather use his hands to eat than a spoon or fork. He learns to climb out of his crib much sooner than you ever thought he would and now he's two and sleeping in a twin bed. He blows your mind with how smart he is and how quickly he picks things up. He is strong willed and doesn't respond to discipline very well but somehow God will use his bold, courageous spirit for the Kingdom.

So, with Abigail you'll still learn a lot but there's so many things you already know now mama.
Nurse her when she wants and don't look at the clock.
Wear her so you can cuddle her and still play with Elijah.
Hold her if that's what she wants and don't force her to fall asleep if she's happy being awake.
Don't cry when you're sick and home with both babies, you can do it.
Let Elijah poke her nose and touch her head.
It's ok if she cries, it doesn't always mean something is wrong.
Open the blinds those first few weeks and turn the worship music on extra loud.
Put down the phone and trust your first instinct, you don't always have to call the pediatrician.
Utilize the community God has given you and ask for prayer or help when you need it.
Do not feel bad about Elijah watching too much TV at the beginning, Abigail needs you a little more than he does and that's ok.
Do not feel bad about putting her down in her crib so you can go to the bathroom.
It's ok if she cries while you're out at a restaurant. Just take a deep breath and nurse her.
If she kicks off the cover while you nurse her don't run to the bathroom, just feed her where you're at.
Eventually both kids will be crying at the same time-assess the situation and conquer one problem at a time.
Don't rush the days because they are few and far between.
Breathe in her new baby smell because that's a tiny glimpse of Heaven.
Thank God for her everyday even when it feels like you're going a little stir crazy.
Let Elijah bring you diapers and wipes and burp rags. He's anxious to help.
But most of all enjoy your babies. They are rewards from the King Himself.

Dear Abigail,

You are OK!! Every test has come back negative and your heart is fine. You are perfect and the funny thing about my version of perfection is that it's just you being born in general. Those tests could have came back positive, your heart could have had defects but I would still see you as perfect. Currently life is easier as we are finally setting up your side of the room in brother's room. I imagine sometimes it will be hard to figure out how to clash your flowers and glitter with Elijah's monsters and cars but I don't doubt you two will be best friends. I hit the third trimester this week and I'm blown away by how close we are to meeting you! The holidays make everything go by so quickly. Three months. That's it! You are three months away from being in my arms. Your shower is next month and of course Aunt Sissy has already began to make sweet crafts for you as well as buy you some of the most adorable outfits. Friends and family are excited to meet you and spoil you as well. Elijah only knows you through this giant bump forming under my shirt but he loves you dearly already. We can't tell if you're a fan of daddy yet. You kick him pretty hard when we're sleeping and you're basically inactive when he's talking to you. I bet you will be a daddy's girl through and through. Your name after all means a father's joy. I'm bummed you won't be here already as the holidays come but you stay in there until week 40! I want you nice and cooked before you come to us. We love you and can't wait to meet you baby girl!

Love,
Mama

I always think I'll run out of words each year and won't be able to do a post for his birthday or our anniversary, etc but then I always sit down to write about him and words flow out of me. Since this post is all about Kaleb James Hargrove I thought I would share 24 fun facts about him that you may not know. Just FYI I did this when he turned 21 so to be fair I won't post anything that's the same from that post. He has changed a lot in these last 3 years since we've been married and watching him change has been so fun for me.

1) He has an obsession with hole-in-the-wall places and doesn't want to eat at chain restaurants when we're in a new town.
2) He is a craft beer enthusiast.
3) He likes to home brew now because of that enthusiasm.
4) He loves anything Sci-Fi.
5) He loves to play golf but always comes back from playing and tells me how bad he is at it. Psh, men.
6) He makes a mean baked potato soup and it's the one dish I won't even try to make because he does such a good job with it.
7) German Chocolate Cake and Brownies are his favorite desserts.
8) He loves a good pair of khaki pants.
9) He's an Apple guy forced to live an Android life for the next year. Total bummer.
10) He is crazy in love with his son and can be seen engaging in some awesome tickle fights with him after getting home from work.
11) He is in school to be a pastor but it's slow going with his full time job and family.
12) He has many plans in his head to open a business.
13) He is very engaged in mine and Elijah's life (and one day Abigail's too no doubt). He doesn't just coast through when it comes to being a husband and father.
14) He has an amazing idea for a documentary and we often talk about what he wants it to look and be like.
15) His metabolism is ridiculous. He can be seen constantly eating but never gains any weight, lucky guy.
16) He owns a kilt.
17) He is a nerd in all forms and loves when he finds a fellow nerdy guy to be friends with.
18) He doesn't like the texture of yogurt and never eats it.
19) Star Wars. Nuff said.
20) He likes to baby wear.
21) He can play the guitar, bass, drums, and piano but the drums are still his main instrument
22) He loves his job and can often be seen with a popsicle in hand.
23) He has compassion for so many people and their burdens. I wish I was more like him in this area.
24) He doesn't want to settle for a comfortable Christian life. He yearns for deeper intimacy with the Lord and to walk in the supernatural.

I am not even ashamed to say that I failed the Write 31 Days challenge. I knew I probably wouldn't make it very far but I am a little bummed that I didn't make it at least two weeks through. Alas, when you're not in your own home it is definitely hard to blog as often as you'd like. No matter, I'll try again next year. For now we are still looking for an apartment and staying at my mom's house. We leave tomorrow evening to go stay at a friend's apartment while they're gone for the next two weeks. We wouldn't leave my mom's if it wasn't so far from Kaleb's job. He's been driving an hour and a half each way to work everyday and by staying at our friend's place he can cut that down to just 45 minutes. Still not ideal but better than what he's doing right now. I pray we won't have to come back to my mom's at the end of the month but that we will end up finding a place and moving before that has to happen. Join with me in prayer, pretty please? Thanks a ton, friends!

Kaleb got off work early today and got back to my mom's house around 3pm (it's an hour and a half away from his job). So, I thought it'd be a good idea to take Elijah to the park and just spend some time the three of us. I'm thankful for moments spent out in creation because being cooped up in a house can really make you forget how big God is. There's nothing super special here especially nothing that hasn't been written and talked about before but just watching the lake go on and on and not being able to see where it ends from where I was standing was really humbling. He's so big and I know I'm guilty of still putting limits on Him even when I've experienced this part of Him countless times. To just get out and see everything for the beauty and vastness of the Lord...

That's Jesus.