Dear Abigail: Waiting

7:41 AM

Dear Abigail,

Well, your shower is over. Clothes have been washed and put away in their proper monthly spots. Socks have found their sole mates and pretty dresses are hanging on the other side of brother's button downs and polos. Decor is hung on your side of the room and even though daddy told me he'd do it, I put the rest of the crib together as well as wiped down all sides and corners of things you will eventually touch. A labor playlist is waiting on Spotify, your diaper bag is packed and sitting in the corner of the room complete with the most adorable coming home outfit folded neatly and placed at the bottom. The swing is put together in the living room, cradle is sweetly adorning the corner of our room, and the spot underneath our vanity is filling quickly with things I'll need in the middle of the night for you. Everything and everyone is (im)patiently waiting for your arrival though we still have 8 weeks left. The last stretch is the hardest and I remember it with your brother. The last few weeks feel agonizing especially when you feel so prepared but sitting here looking around at all of your things I know that I'm not as ready for you as I feel.

I thought the same thing with Elijah. I was ready for him but then he came and my heart almost exploded with the love that overflowed for him. I almost couldn't handle it. Would I be able to catch my breath when looking at him ever again? Would I be able to protect him from all of the evil in this world? Would he always love and need me as much as he did those first months? A resounding no answers all of those questions as they will for you someday. I gave your brother up to the Lord when he was nine days old and it's an act I play over and over again. It'll be the same with you and though I don't want to be this mom I'm sure I'll continue doing it even as you grow into a woman, wife, and mother of your own someday.

I'm dreaming of your sweet nose that I can see so clearly in your sonogram pictures. I'm wondering if you will have dark hair like daddy or light hair like me. I'm curious to see how you and Elijah get along during these first months. I can't wait to wear you and have you up close always, smelling your hair which will inevitably hold the scent of Heaven. I can't wait to swaddle you and place you sweetly in the middle of your cradle. I can't wait to take you to Kerrville for the first time and have a party in your honor. I just can't wait...for everything.

At 32w2d-
-I have gained a total of 21lbs
-You hiccup A LOT
-Still no stretch marks. I'm waiting for that to change
-My face is getting to the puffy stage
-You do not rest, you are always kicking and moving
-You are breech as of now but I doubt you'll stay that way
-Measuring a week ahead still
-Back pain has began but nothing too terrible
-You are making me waddle which is basically the cutest thing ever
-A tiny bit of heartburn but still not as bad as what I had with your brother
-You make me pee EVERY STINKING MINUTE of the day
-You seem to want a lot of refreshing things lately-fruit, water, salads, sandwiches. Even drinking coffee feels too heavy sometimes. 

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