The Hargrove Home

Dear Abigail,

I can't believe you're almost here! I guess technically you could "come any time now" but I'll go with what my midwife said and say you should really wait until 39 weeks because that's the new full term. Either way I know the Lord has your birthday specifically picked before He ever started forming you. Everything seems to be in place like I said in my last letter. Daddy and I even had our last date night for a while. I don't think there is really anything else to do before you arrival except rest and take it easy. All of the fun begins once you get here! This will be my last letter to you before you're born. How crazy is that to think of?! It's hard to keep the condo super clean because of your brother but I'm doing my best to keep it tidy for when you decide to show up. We are anxiously waiting for you sweet girl!

Love,
Mama

Dear Abigail,

Well, your shower is over. Clothes have been washed and put away in their proper monthly spots. Socks have found their sole mates and pretty dresses are hanging on the other side of brother's button downs and polos. Decor is hung on your side of the room and even though daddy told me he'd do it, I put the rest of the crib together as well as wiped down all sides and corners of things you will eventually touch. A labor playlist is waiting on Spotify, your diaper bag is packed and sitting in the corner of the room complete with the most adorable coming home outfit folded neatly and placed at the bottom. The swing is put together in the living room, cradle is sweetly adorning the corner of our room, and the spot underneath our vanity is filling quickly with things I'll need in the middle of the night for you. Everything and everyone is (im)patiently waiting for your arrival though we still have 8 weeks left. The last stretch is the hardest and I remember it with your brother. The last few weeks feel agonizing especially when you feel so prepared but sitting here looking around at all of your things I know that I'm not as ready for you as I feel.

I thought the same thing with Elijah. I was ready for him but then he came and my heart almost exploded with the love that overflowed for him. I almost couldn't handle it. Would I be able to catch my breath when looking at him ever again? Would I be able to protect him from all of the evil in this world? Would he always love and need me as much as he did those first months? A resounding no answers all of those questions as they will for you someday. I gave your brother up to the Lord when he was nine days old and it's an act I play over and over again. It'll be the same with you and though I don't want to be this mom I'm sure I'll continue doing it even as you grow into a woman, wife, and mother of your own someday.

I'm dreaming of your sweet nose that I can see so clearly in your sonogram pictures. I'm wondering if you will have dark hair like daddy or light hair like me. I'm curious to see how you and Elijah get along during these first months. I can't wait to wear you and have you up close always, smelling your hair which will inevitably hold the scent of Heaven. I can't wait to swaddle you and place you sweetly in the middle of your cradle. I can't wait to take you to Kerrville for the first time and have a party in your honor. I just can't wait...for everything.

Dear Bre,

You are swollen to no end girlfriend and this last stretch of pregnancy feels like it's taking forever but everything is going to come so fast. You've prayed and dreamed up this labor and delivery process and for the most part you get exactly what you wanted. You're mighty. You birth your baby with no medicine even though they had to induce you and you feel like you're almost on a powerful high after that twelve hour labor but then he's out and on your chest and you realize you prepared so well for the birth but not so much for the everything after. In the hospital your husband does most of the work because you're not really there. You didn't change Elijah's diaper yourself until the third day of his life but I promise you he will never remember that. Being a new mom hit you fast and hard as it does every woman. You'll spend most nights nursing and then sliding your finger underneath his nose while he's sleeping so you can make sure he's still breathing. Every stir will wake you up and for many, many months you won't sleep because the anxiety doesn't leave. But I like to think that you leaned on God a lot more during this season then you probably ever had before. He sends you friends who help you on this journey of becoming a mom and even friends who aren't mamas who will hold your baby while they chat with you for hours. You're not as alone as you feel. You are surrounded by community and the three jobs Kaleb is holding down now is only temporary. Fast forward two years later and he has an amazing job, the job you prayed for over and over again. See...God hears you. He sees you. You are known and loved even when you spend 8am to 11pm without talking to a single adult. You got through those first months of witching hours and crying. You got through those months when Elijah would only sleep when he was held. You got through the CIO stage and eventually he sleeps in his own bed. You battled rounds of mastitis, ear infections, baby falling off the couch, postpartum depression, Sunday mornings spent in the nursing mama's room, Elijah's first trip to the ER. And even though it doesn't feel like it in those moments, your world is not crumbling I promise. You also get through milestones you thought would never come. He learns to crawl, walk, and talk. He pops his first four teeth within six days of each other and you lived to tell the tale. His first food was an avocado and he would still rather use his hands to eat than a spoon or fork. He learns to climb out of his crib much sooner than you ever thought he would and now he's two and sleeping in a twin bed. He blows your mind with how smart he is and how quickly he picks things up. He is strong willed and doesn't respond to discipline very well but somehow God will use his bold, courageous spirit for the Kingdom.

Dear Abigail,

You are OK!! Every test has come back negative and your heart is fine. You are perfect and the funny thing about my version of perfection is that it's just you being born in general. Those tests could have came back positive, your heart could have had defects but I would still see you as perfect. Currently life is easier as we are finally setting up your side of the room in brother's room. I imagine sometimes it will be hard to figure out how to clash your flowers and glitter with Elijah's monsters and cars but I don't doubt you two will be best friends. I hit the third trimester this week and I'm blown away by how close we are to meeting you! The holidays make everything go by so quickly. Three months. That's it! You are three months away from being in my arms. Your shower is next month and of course Aunt Sissy has already began to make sweet crafts for you as well as buy you some of the most adorable outfits. Friends and family are excited to meet you and spoil you as well. Elijah only knows you through this giant bump forming under my shirt but he loves you dearly already. We can't tell if you're a fan of daddy yet. You kick him pretty hard when we're sleeping and you're basically inactive when he's talking to you. I bet you will be a daddy's girl through and through. Your name after all means a father's joy. I'm bummed you won't be here already as the holidays come but you stay in there until week 40! I want you nice and cooked before you come to us. We love you and can't wait to meet you baby girl!

Love,
Mama

Because I'm already starting to forget some of the details I figured now was a good time to hash out Elijah's birth story here. I say hash out because I still can't believe what actually happened in Labor and Delivery room number 3 that night/morning.

Thursday July 11, 2013 4:30pm
Kaleb and I went to our last appointment with Dr. Coronado (my OBGYN). It was our last because she was leaving the next day to go on vacation with her family. I had asked earlier that week to be induced so that she could deliver Elijah. I know how crazy selfish that sounds but I absolutely adore my doctor and to be with her for 9 months and not have her deliver him made me heartbroken. However, she had called me Wednesday and told me she could not induce me because my cervix was closed at the last appointment. Inducing a closed cervix can end in C section which is not what either of us wanted for Elijah or myself. I wanted a natural vaginal delivery and she wanted that for me as well. We left the matter at that. I hung up the phone satisfied that this must be in God's plan so I didn't question it. At our appointment the next day my blood pressure was really high and they found protein in my urine. These are both signs of Preeclampsia. With my due date being 2 days away she told me she didn't want to let me sit for a week with high blood pressure anyway because it could be dangerous for Elijah and I so it was time to be induced. How weird, I thought. I had wanted to be induced and now I was going to be but not at all the way I wanted it. I immediately began to cry as Coronado tried to explained that we were going downstairs to Labor and Delivery. She asked if she could pray over us (this is why I love her, folks). She prayed for no C section, a natural vaginal delivery (because that's what I wanted), and that we could all be together for this experience since her plane left for Florida the next morning.

-5:00 pm
I was given Cytotec to help soften my cervix which was still closed. 4 hours later I was checked to see if I made progress and I was still closed. Coronado came in and forced my cervix open which was still barely a 1 and then broke my water. I thought things would begin to progress on their own after that since that was what I had always heard from other mama's who got their water broken. Between 5pm and 9pm sweet friends came to pray over us and others flooded our phones with text messages saying they were praying as well. I can't tell you how many people were praying for us that night. God moves especially when 2 or more are gathered in His name. This became so much more evident during my labor.

-9:00pm
I was given more Cytotec to see if it would dilate me more and I was told that they would start me on Pitocin at 2 am. I was getting nauseous so I was given Phenergan to help ease it which also made me sleepy so I figured I could take the next 4 hours and pass out before everything got intense but I could only fall asleep between contractions which were probably a minute a part, maybe more. That's when things began to blur together.

July 12, 2013 2am
I was given pitocin and told they would increase it every 20 minutes. I was checked first and was at a 2. I lost all hope of making it without medicine at this point because I knew how bad contractions were going to get. Kaleb called Evelyn (our doula) and told her to come at 2 am because I was going to need her help to work through contractions. Well needless to say things got intense faster than what I was prepared for. I kept feeling so much pressure in my pelvis and every time I was checked the nurse kept telling me how low Elijah's head was. Coronado had even mentioned things going really fast once I did start to dilate because of how low his head was. This was encouraging and confusing all at the same time. I couldn't understand why my cervix wasn't opening if his head was as low as everyone kept saying. Contractions almost immediately began to get stronger. I tried bouncing on the birthing ball right before the Pitocin was given but with his head being so low it just caused more pain instead of eased it. I climbed back into bed just in time for everything to hurt. About 10 minutes after Pitocin started I threw up over the side of the bed. I remember opening my eyes long enough to see that it was green. I kept wondering why my throw up would be green. I closed my eyes as the nurse gave me more Phenergan to ease my stomach. It finally started working just as contractions grew. I had to stay on my side because of my high blood pressure. I didn't want to stay in the bed. My birth plan was to labor in the tub and to get up and move but I could barely open my eyes. That's what I remember the most about labor-my eyes staying closed majority of the time. I tried desperately to open them so I could see Kaleb's face. I always felt better when our eyes met. He pulled up a chair next to the bed and just watched me labor. He tried to touch me, offering me comfort through his strong hand but I couldn't handle it. Nothing made me feel better and everything made it worse. I wanted so badly to tell him how much I loved him for trying to help but I couldn't vocalize anything at this point. The only thing I could communicate was when I needed more ice chips and even then I could only touch my mouth and then point to the cup. He knew. And I loved him for that. I moaned and yelled through contractions. I tried hard to focus on my breathing like I researched so much about but the harder I tried the more it hurt. I remember hearing Evelyn tell me to do whatever my body wanted. That felt great to hear. All pressure was off to keep my cool and I gave in, I gave in hard. My body wanted to claw at everything with each contraction. I clawed at my own hands, my pillow, the bed railing, and even my hair. I didn't expect this at all.

-4:20am ish
I was checked again and had only made it to a 4. This was more than discouraging. Looking back after it all I know now when I was in transition and this was that point. I couldn't stop screaming with each contraction. I felt bad for the people in the Labor and Delivery wing. I tried to control myself and just go back to yelling but screaming was all that was coming out of my mouth. The coolest moment was hearing these lyrics as another awful contraction hit-"There will be an end to these trouble but until that day comes, still I will praise You." Out of all of the songs that passed through the Pandora playlist on my Jesus Culture station these were the only words I heard. I praised God in my heart and braced myself for another one. I heard Kaleb tell Evelyn that he didn't know how she could do this all the time-watch people go through this much pain. I wasn't sure what her response was but I thought the same thing for Kaleb. I didn't know how he had made it that far without completely breaking. If it were me I wouldn't be able to watch him writhe in pain the way I was. Suddenly, everything changed.

-4:45am ish
I was done. I was giving in and getting the epidural. The anesthesiologist had been woken up and made it up to the hospital right when I felt the pressure get worse. During the last contraction before I pushed I had screamed so hard that it felt like Elijah had moved even more down. It was a really weird feeling but that was when the pressure increased beyond what it had been the whole time. I told the nurse I couldn't sit still for the epidural. She was telling me I had to and I told her there was too much pressure. She checked me and said I was at a 10. I went from a 4 to a 10 in about 30 minutes. It was Jesus. I was on the verge of giving in and He moved quickly. I love that about the Lord. He knew my desire was to deliver my baby naturally. I had prayed over the last 9 months for it, others had prayed for me, and it was happening. The nurse who had been such a sweetheart and so silly the whole time turned serious and I knew it was time. She looked me in the eye and asked me if I wanted to push without the epidural. I didn't hesitate. As I said yes to pushing I flipped on my back and jammed one leg into the nurses side and the other leg was being held by Evelyn. I strained to hear Kaleb's voice, trying desperately to hear where he was. Right when I started pushing I heard Evelyn or the nurse (I can't remember which one) tell Kaleb to sit down or to go outside. I knew he must be having a hard time. I just wanted him to be the one holding my leg. I wanted to open my eyes and see him but couldn't. After about 20 minutes of pushing someone asked me if I wanted to touch my baby's head. I kept thinking that it was impossible for him to be that close to being out. I reached down and touched his head and couldn't believe how squishy it was. That gave me the boost I needed to finish the race. A couple of more pushes and he was on my stomach. This perfect, purple, crying bundle of love was finally in my arms. I touched his hand as nurses ran around getting things for him and Evelyn rubbed some of the vernex and other fun stuff off him. I couldn't cry. I just kept taking in breaths and saying "my baby, my baby." I think I was still in shock that it was all finally over and this sweet little guy who had grown in me for 9 months was finally in my arms. Kaleb cut the cord like a champ!

Elijah's birth was a mixture of what I wanted and didn't want but overall it was perfect and I'm so happy that I did it without medication. It makes everything else in my life feel different. Right now, breastfeeding seems to be much harder than I expected but I just keep reminding myself that if I didn't give up during his birth then I can't give up with feeding him the best way there is. New parent life is an adventure but I have the best man to share in this journey with. He wasn't very present for the actual delivery because of how sick he got watching me BUT he has been amazing when it comes to me breastfeeding Elijah. He helps me calm down when I get frustrated and encourages me by staying with me and talking to me when Elijah does feed. I have an amazing husband, a precious son, and a MIGHTY God.

This is not as fun to write as Elijah's actual birth story will be (ha) but if I don't write it out then it will just sit in yesterday and I will be frustrated.

Yep, 38 weeks today. Elijah's cradle is literally inches from my face and even in a semi dark room, I'm staring into it wishing he was there. If he comes within this week, fantastic! And if he waits till his due date that's still only 2 weeks away. Honestly, it's all too fast yet not fast enough.

I had to bring the laptop into Elijah's nursery to write this blog. It just seemed appropriate. Staring at the glider, and his diaper changing table, and all of the sweet decorations adorning these 4 walls is actually soothing (kind of) at this point. I really didn't expect to feel this way at all when it got to the end of this pregnancy. I had been doing so well. I was longing, of course, but it was a sweet longing as I got everything set up and ready. Then, going to my 36 and 37 week appointments and finding out my cervix is closed sent me into this ache. Literally, that's the only way I can describe it. This longing so bad that it's actually almost painful...? I thought i was being ridiculous until a friend told me this is the hardest part during pregnancy-the wait. Thank God!!! I'm not insane or depressed in any way. I'm just feeling the normal ache of wanting to hold my baby.

5. More. Weeks.
I can't believe it. It feels like I've been pregnant forever and like I will continue to be pregnant for the rest of my life. No exaggeration here, folks. I literally can't imagine what it will be like for Elijah to finally be in the cradle next to me instead of inside my belly (which feels ginormous lately, by the way.)

Kaleb got a second job! He starts working at Sam's Club some time....soon? He still has paperwork to fill out but he will be working there 2-3 times a week and the rest of the time he will be at his current job, Fairfield Inn. We are blessed! Actually, I'm blessed. I have a husband who is willing to bend over backwards to support his family so I can stay home and raise our sweet baby. All I can think of is-"What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man."

Our baby shower was last Saturday and it was AMAZING! Just look at this picture-

First off I would just like to take a minute and announce that my BABY SHOWER is TOMORROW! I'm so excited! I can't wait to gather with all of my sweet friends and receive wonderful blessings of gifts for my sweet Elijah. Ok, Here we go.

Dear Elijah,

Tomorrow would be the day your mama walked across the stage at Angelo State University and received a piece of paper declaring the hard work and hours she put it in to get specific education in a specific subject. This piece of paper, called a degree, would allow mama to teach the subject or to work within it's field. But mama will not be getting that piece of paper, son. I went to ASU for 2 years and then realized my calling in ministry and my inability to afford school and life on my own. It would be a lie to say I'm completely content with my decision. Some days it's hard and other days i'm perfectly fine with not being in school. Daddy will get his pastoral degree through an online university but at least he'll have a degree of some sort. I feel intimidated sometimes but then I remember where my heart is happiest and that sweet boy is with children and sharing my life with women in ministry.

You don't have to go to college. Yes, I said it. You don't HAVE to. It's something your dad and I have already discussed. Never think less of yourself if you choose not to. Always, always look for Kingdom work, Eli. Your personal Kingdom's work could be in a classroom teaching students or in a social work office helping in CPS situations. Whatever it looks like for you, do it. If your Kingdom work doesn't require a degree that's ok. You are my Kingdom's work. On the days you will scream for hours and not sleep (because yes, I know that day will come) I will remember that staying home with you and not sending you off to a daycare from 7 am-5 pm means I'm raising you. Raising you, praying over you, loving you, teaching you, cuddling you, feeding you...these are all things that seem simple but when really looked into-it's Kingdom work. Yes, I wish I was walking across the stage with the rest of my peers tomorrow BUT I am not at all sad or regretting your timing in anyway. You are Kingdom work. So is being a wife and a life group leader. So is being a teacher, a pastor, a nurse, a fire fighter, a cleaning lady, a graphic designer, and even an entrepreneur. If your soul's purpose is to glorify God in your life than your job is Kingdom work.

Always look for the Kingdom's work before looking for success. The crown is yours but never forget whose feet you will lay it at.

Love you always,
Mama

With my due date 10 weeks away I am in MAJOR nesting mode and I have to resist it. I'm trying to wait until June to start getting things prepared for him because that's when I will be done watching all of the babies. It just makes sense in my head I guess to wait until I will officially have nothing to do for a whole month to start on my "Elijah list." I have compiled this list from other mama's suggestions and blogs I have read on preparing for the baby. Here's my list (feel free to suggest more stuff I could add)-

Dear Elijah,

Is it really 12 weeks until you're here? That doesn't sound right. It seems like last week I was holding the pregnancy test in my hand, feeling my stomach drop, and hugging your dad with joyful tears in both of our eyes. I mean really? Only 12 more weeks? Is it seriously the middle of April? My head can't wrap around these truths but my heart sure can. I am ready for Sunday morning snuggles before getting us both ready for church. And yes, I'm "ready" for the 2 am, 4 am, 6 am, etc. feedings. But honestly how do you prepare for something you've never experienced? Well son, I believe you prepare by prayer (and research of course) but when research doesn't give you the hard honesty you're looking for than prayer is the only way to prepare in my opinion. So many pre conceived thoughts have changed since the beginning of this pregnancy. Natural birth, doulas, a birthing tub (that I can't actually deliver you in), you sleeping in our room, homeschool (that's a long time from now and still up for discussion with your father)....these were all things I had never even considered until you became our reality. I am so excited though!

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm scared. I'm not scared (yet), I'm just nervous. Very nervous for your arrival. Nervous for what comes after. Nervous about your health. Nervous about the first time we'll be alone together while daddy is at work. The many thoughts that race through a new mother's mind as she tries and sleep. Oh! We were blessed with another bag of clothes for you last night. You're more loved than you know, son. It even surprises me at times. And just to warn you-You will probably be passed around a lot when you first get here. Don't freak out. You'll be returned safely to mama's arms after everyone gets to see how handsome you are. Sorry for no words of wisdom in this letter. Just the ramblings of an overly anxious and excited mama for her new babe. I love you more than words can describe little man.

Love,
Mama

And just for fun-

I cannot lie. I was a bit sour today. As I watched my news feed fill with Easter basket pictures last night I went to bed thinking today would be hard and it was. In no way do I want to sound selfish or like I don't know the true meaning of Easter but seeing sweet little babies running around, desperately trying to fill their baskets with the most eggs made me so sad. I made Kaleb take me home the minute the Easter egg hunt started. I was a little down you could say. Trust me, I know Elijah is still cooking and he has a lot more developing to do which he can only do inside of my womb but I still can't seem to shake this ache. This constant longing for him to be in my arms instead of my tummy.

Something I keep telling Kaleb is that I don't understand why it takes 9 months. Why is pregnancy 9 months long? Why couldn't it be 6 months or even shorter? And then, like always, God shows up to answer my questions.

After Kaleb left for work I decided to call my parents and see how their Easter went. I talked to my dad for a while and lately any time we talk he makes it a point to tell me how many days he's been drug free since this is a new development (I know I said I would explain what has been going on in my family and I still might but right now I'm not ready to type that blog). He is now on day 70 of his outpatient rehab after being addicted to prescription drugs for 12 years. There it was. That nagging why again. Why did it take my dad 12 years to finally get help? Why has he survived this when so many others have died so young because of their addictions? And while I'm on it...why did it take you 3 days to rise, Jesus?

Why? Why? Why?
Why?

And then He immediately turns my heart to Ecc. 3. "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." And what He keeps bringing me back to this Easter is that He did what He said He would-He rose. He said He would and He did. He does what He says, friends. Those promises you're waiting on to be fulfilled, they will but I can't give you reason behind the timing.

And that's all the answer I need. I can look back over the past (almost) 5 years of being saved and recall where God's perfect timing has played out beautifully in my walk but I didn't notice it until the aftermath. When Elijah is in my arms I'll see God's timing unfolding once again. I don't have to understand why, I just have to trust Him. And trust Him I will.
Always.  

FMF is back! I'm kind of in love with it now. So be prepared for more of these posts. To learn more about it or even join in go check out Lisa Jo Baker. Actually, you should go check her out anyway because her blog is purely amazing. Ok, ok. So here we go-

REST

I would have put a picture here of what my rest is but I can't seem to find one. Maybe that's because my rest comes from a lot of different things at different seasons in my life. My rest now probably won't come until Elijah is finally  here. Yesterday, my OB told me I have to have some more tests done. I should feel relieved in a way. she's fighting for Elijah and I. Trying to figure out where all of my pain is coming from but at the same time I am frustrated. I am restless. I long for rest and at times it almost feels like it is at my fingertips but I can't seem to rest until we figure this out and until he is here and in my arms. That's my rest. A rest i've never known because he will be my first born. I hate that people keep telling me how much I won't sleep when he gets here. Can I just tell you how ok with that I am? I am so ok with losing sleep over him. Rest, i long for you to come wash over me. But am also ok if you don't. How can i truly rest with all of this sweet kicking going on that I just want to soak in for hours on end? Thank you Jesus for my sweet gift floating around inside of me right now. Different pieces of rest come in waves for me. So I'll just wait for the next one to hit and flood my soul.

STOP

Lord, I wanna yearn for you. I wanna burn with passion over You and only You. Lord, i wanna yearn.

And you know what makes this moment even sweeter?

Little feet kicking from inside me.






(sob)

I can't breathe this in enough. The incredible blessings flowing from my sweet King and without reason. I feel I have done nothing to deserve His goodness but He continues to give it anyway. Kaleb and I have been getting fantastic deals on baby furniture/items. Check it out!

Dear Elijah,

I love your name that daddy chose. I love it. I love it. I love it. Elijah means my God is the Lord and yes son, your God IS the Lord. Fisher was picked almost at random. We heard that name on a show we were watching and daddy loved it but I like to think of the verse from Matthew 4:19. That's weird, huh? Being a fisher of men but I know that's who you'll be. Like so many people have already proclaimed over you-you will move mountains and reach nations. I pray you do even more than daddy and I. I pray your achievements and goals are set in Christ. So many people are in love with you already. You have no idea how many people I had to text yesterday after we found out you were a boy.  Everyone was on pins and needles. I wonder if texting will still be around when you're a teenager. Who knows.

Daddy and I were talking about the things we want to teach you. Daddy probably has a lot more to offer when it comes to being manly. Sports, music, fitness, shaving, burping (not at the table, please), camping, hiking, love of outdoors, but most importantly he will teach you about the men in the Bible. He will teach you who God is and about the Holy Trinity. You will know all 3. I kept wondering what I could teach you. It was starting to frustrate me. And then I thought of the one thing I hope to instill in you the most is how to love. No one knows love like a mama. Not just how you can love your wife one day (that day will be so joyous) but even your friends. How you can love others who you don't even know. How you can love God. How you can have a sweet, kind heart in a masculine world and not lose your strength. I pray you stand up for people. I pray you stand up for your faith. Your true strength isn't measured by how well you do things it's measured by Christ and the obedience you have under His authority. You are going to be a great man one day but first you will be my little man and I will love you forever even when you leave the shelter of my wings, I will love you still.

My cup overflows, Eli. It's already spilling over.

Love,
Mommy

Dear baby,

Day dreaming of what you could be has me also dreaming of the hopes I have for you. None of these things are standards you have to reach they are just a mother's hope that her and daddy can instill in you parts of them as well as watch you grow into hobbies we've never mastered.

I hope you love music. I'm trying very hard to make that a possibility now by always putting headphones over my tummy so you can listen. I hope that you love music so much that you sing, or play the drums. And if you do those things I hope you remember that it is a gift from God only to be given right back to Him. Worshipping with your instrument is a beautiful and powerful thing. I hope you do this and fall in love with it the way we have.

I hope you like to write. I left writing for a while (biggest mistake ever) because I felt like no one cared about what I had to say or that I didn't have enough experience to write about anything that others would care about. God is so sweet. He has used my words to touch others and I can't fathom how He did that. Just remember to stay humble. Having a big head on something you love to do can kill it quickly.

I hope you love movies. I can already see you and daddy sitting at the dinner table discussing directors of new movies and actors you love so much. I try and learn from him as much as I can. I think I'm catching on quite fast. Maybe we can all discuss these things together one day.

I hope you love to play outside. That's all I did when I was younger. Our backyard was huge growing up in West, Texas so my sister (your aunt) and I would play for hours and hours outside. We made up games and played real ones. We would use our imagination and pretend to be on crazy adventures. I learned how to ride a bike when we lived there. I hope you learn to love the fun of a backyard instead of playing inside all day. A dream of mine is to hear your laughter roll through an open window on a summer day.

I hope you love the small things. I know technology can be fun. I mean right now I'm typing this from our iPad which daddy plays on more than I do. And I'll admit that I'm addicted to my phone. Always playing games or checking on my social media networks. So, I know you'll want Leapads, Xboxes, and hand held games for the car but I hope you remember to love Barbies, dress up clothes, and Ragedy Ann dolls (if you're a girl) and Hotwheels, army men, and Leggos (if you're a boy). Although, if we're honest, you'll probably play with anything. I just hope you love those and remember to cherish toys as well as the technology.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Less than 3 weeks till we find out what you are. I'm so anxious it hurts!

Happenings lately:

-I am 15 weeks as of Saturday. I only gained 3 pounds since my last appt
-We find out what we're having on v-day (how stinkin cute)
-My sister and hopefully my mom are coming to visit that weekend to help set up baby room
-Kaleb starts training for his new job this Thursday and will be done with training next Wednesday
-After his schedule is set Kaleb will start classes online for Global University (EEE!!)
-Leadership training for Chi Alpha started this morning
-Life group has started back up and I am STOKED
-Pawpaw's 90th birthday party is in just a couple of weeks (how cool!)
-Achilles has finally settled into apt life which makes our lives much easier
-AND Kaleb and I went on a mini vacation to Rockport/Corpus. The pictures I'm posting are from The Texas State Aquarium and the Pier in Corpus Christi. Enjoy!

One thing I cannot mention just yet on here has recently happened in my family. All I ask is for prayers! Lots and lots of them for this will be a hard time for them and myself. Thank you so much!