The Hargrove Home

Abigail. Is. One.

• 19lbs 6oz
• 28 in
• Wearing size 4 diapers now
• Still in the same size clothing and shoes
• Definitely interested in trying to walk but not quite there yet
• Nursing and eating all the food in sight
• Will not drink from a cup..still
• Still co sleeping but we are transitioning her to her crib this week (pray for us, yall!)
• Signs: more, milk, all done, and is currently working on please
• Says: Mama, dada, bubba, mo (more), yea, Uh uhhh (uh oh)

Eleven months old and I can't handle it! Sheesh. One whole month until she is ONE YEAR OLD!

• New words-Done and Yea
• Still not walking and really has no interest in trying right now
• Still co sleeping and taking two 2 hour naps a day
• Nursing round the clock still
• Wearing size 3 in shoes and 12m-18m in clothes
• 8 teeth
• Eating at least 1 solid meal a day (usually dinner)
• Personality is starting to show more-chatty and giggly 

Holy moly. We're in the double digits people. Baby girl is 10 months old and growing SO fast. At 10 months old:

• Wearing mostly 12m clothes
• Claps
• Waves
• Still only says mama, dada, and bubba but has been trying to say bye bye and milk lately
• Laughs so much and even has a fake laugh now
• Cruises either while holding onto something or pushing her walker
• Loves to "dance" (Bounce up and down or move her head back and forth)
• Still co sleeping
• Taking 2 naps a day
• Wakes twice during the night to nurse
• Eating lots of new foods
• Signs more, all done, and milk
• 7 teeth total (Following in her brother's footsteps, he had 8 by this age)
• Loves to talk and yell
• Tries to be brave and stand on her own but usually falls on her cloth diapered booty

I am posting this update right before I type up her 10 month one because I am SO behind. #secondbabyprobs

At 9 months

• 4 teeth
• Pulling up on things and doing baby squats
• Nurses like a newborn still
• Found her own sleep schedule and has been taking great naps
• Still sleeps in our bed
• Wearing 9-12m clothes
• Still in size 3 diapers
• Finally fitting into 3-6m shoes
• Loves to jibber jabber all day long

Shortest post ever because not a ton of developments happened during the ninth month. Abby did have her first Halloween and was the cutest ladybug you've ever seen. She also got pneumonia which seemed to last FOREVER. It was also her first time on antibiotics so our sweet baby had lots of tummy issues for a few weeks. All is well now and we are gearing up for the next round of first Holidays for our baby girl.

Eight. Months. Old.

At 7 months our sweet girl-

• Has 2 teeth on bottom
• Finally sleeps without being swaddle but still has crazy movements
• Has somewhat of a rhythm she has set into with naps and bed time but still doesn't sleep in her crib so a lot of it is me laying down with her and sneaking away when she falls asleep
• Scoots backwards but hasn't figured out how to move forward yet
• Gets up on all fours but hasn't started crawling yet
• New foods she has tried-Ground beef, cauliflower, sweet potato, dry waffle
• Doesn't seem to care for food very much. She loves to play with it and try it but after a few minutes she's just completely over the whole thing
• Loves her exercauser
• Nurses round the clock still and through the night
• Only has to see the chiropractor every other week now instead of every week
• Wearing 9m clothes and a few 12m
• Size 3 diapers still
• Baby chats all day long and when there is a lot of people talking or her brother is being loud she HAS to be heard so she will yell at the top of her lungs
• Sits up on her own very well now and can move from sitting to being on her tummy but hasn't figured out the vice versa yet
• Still hardly laughs but when she does it's the best 30 seconds of our life

I guess it's time for that half a year post. The one that breaks my heart only second to the one year post. Half a year is such a mile marker. It means we're now inching our way towards a first birthday and it reminds me that time doesn't stand still even though I'm demanding it over and over again. I look at Abigail and I see me. Elijah has looked like his daddy since day one but Abigail is my claim to myself. She is me made over and while I love discovering the quirks and facial features we share as she grows I hate that she is not this tiny thing swaddled perfectly in my arms again. She is, in fact, half a year old. And at half a year she-

• 15 lbs 12oz
• 25 in
• Rolls all around 
• Scoots backwards
• Sits up for long periods of time but I'm still not comfortable leaving her sitting up by herself yet
• Has started BLW (Baby Led Weaning) and has tried avocado, banana, and mango
• Laughs more now but still not as much as we'd like
• Me and Elijah get the most laughs out of her which is probably because we try all day long to do it
• Size 3 diapers
• Size 6m clothes and fits in a few 12m rompers
• 0-3m size shoes
• Can say mama and is working on dada and bubba
• Still nurses round the clock and through the night, all night
• Does not sleep in her crib but that's about to change (Hello round 2 of CIO)
• Has 2 teeth on bottom that I can see but have not broken through the gum line yet

For some reason month 4 went by very fast because month 5 seemed to sneak up on us. Here we go!
At 5 months-

• Wearing size 3 diapers
• Wearing 3-6m/6m clothes
• Moved up to the medium size in her cloth diapers
• Recently started nursing much more/being more fussy/chewing/drooling=TEETHING
• 30-45 minutes naps which basically means chick doesn't nap
• Sleeps in 2-3 hour stretches at night/co sleeps with us
• Won't sleep in her crib anymore
• Still swaddled but it's starting to look like that won't be for much longer
• Has started seeing the chiropractor a few times a week for Torticollis and her flat head
• Loves tummy time a lot more now
• Pushes up onto her hands
• Turns her head in the direction of any noise 
• Mostly just wants to be with mama
• Still doesn't laugh very much but smiles all the time
• Sits up on her own with a boppy behind her for when she leans too far over and falls
• Starting to like different toys
• Still hates her carseat
• Still has cradle cap
• Can put her paci in her mouth by herself
• LOVES her Sophie Giraffe and Captain Calamari (one of Elijah's old baby toys)

She is four months old! That sweet princess of ours. At four months old she is-

• 13lbs 12oz
• 24.5 in
• going through the four month sleep regression
• Sleeping in her crib for naps which currently only lasts about 30-45 minutes but cosleeping with us still at night and sleeps in 3 hour stretches usually
• Nurses all the time still (block feeding)
• Trying desperately to sit up on her own
• TEETHING. I tried to kid myself and say that she wasn't but she is a fussy biter and Copaiba oil makes her feel better so yes, she is teething.
• Doing turns when she's laid down but not rolling over both ways yet, still only from tummy to back
• Found her feet and loves to pull them toward her
• Still loves to be (double) swaddled
• Still hates her car seat
• Loves her wubby and Sophie Giraffe
• Sits in her bumbo for about 10 minutes a day
• Drools and chews on everything
• Laughed for the first time about a week ago but hasn't really done it again since
• Smiles all the time now especially at her family
• LOVES to stare at her daddy and brother

She's 3 months! I feel like I'm updating this blog way too often with her monthly updates. Time needs to slow down. We haven't been to see her pediatrician in a while since her next wellness check isn't until 4 months so forgive me for not having her weight and height this time around. But at 3 months-

• Nurses every 2 hours still during the day but has ramped up nursing more at night because of her developmental leap
• Glands are overproducing so she drools, sweats, and stays congested a lot lately
• Wearing size 1 diapers still
• Wearing size 3m clothes and some of her 3m-6m outfits
• Can no longer be froggy in the wrap when I wear her but sticks her legs out now
• Still naps in her swing all the time and co sleeps with me and Kaleb at night
• Still hates her carseat unfortunately
• Can kick her legs up and tries to grab her feet
• Grips her O Ball very well as well as my hair and Kaleb's beard
• Sucks on her hands constantly
• Wants to be facing out when she's being held, she loves to see the world
• Hates the hiccups with a passion
• SMILES (OMG)
• Gets very excited when she sees my face, Kaleb's face, or Elijah's face
• Gearing up to giggle but not quite there yet
• Still coo's all the time and loves for you to talk to her

She's two months, yall! Two. Freaking. Months. Lets get on with these bullets, shall we?

• 10lbs 10oz
• 22.5 in
• Still nursing every 2-3 hours during the day and doing mostly glorious 4 hour stretches at night
• Rolls tummy to back but only if she's in a disposable diaper (cloth is too bulky)
• Holds her head up like a pro
• Coos/baby chats all the time
• Still sleeps the best when she's swaddled but fights the initial swaddling process
• Loves her play mat and tries to bat at the toys hanging from it
• Likes her car seat a little more now
• Size 1 diapers when she's in disposables but she's usually in cloth diapers now
• 0-3m/3m clothes
• Mimics us when we stick our tongue out at her or make the O shape with our lips
• Smirks but doesn't full on smile yet
• Co sleeps with me and Kaleb still
• She takes forever to initially fall asleep at night but then wakes up to nurse and goes back to sleep easily. No middle of the night parties for this girl
• Still completely in love with her swing
• DROOLS 

Yes, she's already a month old. As does all time....it went fast and I'm so frustrated. Thankfully she hasn't hit any real milestones yet so I don't feel like she's growing too fast. This first month transitioning to two kids has proven to be very hard for Elijah which means it has been pretty hard on me and Kaleb. Elijah is a strong willed boy already but now that Abigail is here his strong will has almost tripled. Without going into too much detail he loves Abigail but is not too happy with me and Kaleb and he definitely lets us know. His world has changed a lot this last month but I know as she grows he will adjust better. I can tell he's ready for her to play with him already. He brings her toys in hopes that she will just reach out and grab them but sadly that won't be the case for quite a few months. At one month old Abigail is-

• 8lbs 9oz
• 21 inches
• Nursing every two hours during the day but can go three or four hours at night
• Does not burp or spit up a lot which can be hard on her tummy sometimes
• HATES her car seat
• Loves to sit and just take in the world around her
• Loves being swaddled
• Prefers to sleep on daddys chest than on mine
• Co sleeps with us at night
• Enjoys tummy time for about ten minutes and then gets frustrated that she can't roll over

As is Elijah's birth story this is a detailed post so if certain terms or anatomy makes you uncomfortable you shouldn't read on, though in my opinion birth stories should never be edited. The entire process is a sweet gift, one that I never want to take for granted.

At 4am on February 7th, her due date, I woke up with a weird pressure in my lower abdomen. It felt so similar to a period cramp that I ignored it until my spirit told me to get up and walk. Something in me knew what I was feeling but since I was induced with Elijah I've never felt labor come on naturally. Pitocin (the medicine they use to induce labor) brings on strong contractions right away so a slow and steady incline in labor was not something I knew or understood. I didn't even know what a real contraction felt like honestly. I remember the pain from Elijah's birth being so terrible because of all of the medicine used to induce his labor that I felt entire contractions through my whole stomach instead of just focused in the lower area. So, I trusted myself like I said I would if this happened and got up and started walking around our condo. Through the living room rounding the corner into the kitchen, back through the hallway and then into the living room again. Making a small but helpful circle I walked until 6am just listening to my labor playlist on my phone and concentrating on the noticeable but small pressure I kept feeling in my lower abdomen. I wondered if this was it and texted a friend saying I had been contracting since 4am. We texted for a while and per her advice I grabbed my birthing ball and started bouncing. After a few minutes I decided to wake Kaleb up. It was close to 7am which is usually when Elijah wakes up so I snuck into Kaleb's side of the bed and asked him if he wanted to have a baby today. He shook his head yes but didn't register what I was saying. So, I asked him again, stroking his hair to gently wake him. He rolled over and looked at me in disbelief and said yes again. I explained the weird contractions and told him it was probably still several hours from now but something was happening.

We continued through the day and decided to skip church that morning. Contractions were consistently 5-10 minutes a part. I texted a few other friends telling them what was going on. They all suggested the same things-taking a nap or getting in a hot bath to see if they go away. True labor won't change in these instances but false labor will. It felt like they weren't coming as often and they definitely weren't as strong so I prolonged the nap and bath until that afternoon. I started really doubting that she was coming that day but I did settle on this-my body was gearing up for the real deal so she would at least be here in the next day or so. I decided that was ok with me as I was so tired. I felt too tired to push out a baby. I wasn't rested. How would I do this? Man. Our bodies are so much stronger than we know. I called the hospital and Katie, the midwife I had just seen the week before was the one on call that day so we talked for a few minutes. She said even my voice told her I wasn't in true labor. She told me to drink tons of water and rest and that with second babies this can happen a lot, my body gearing up for labor but still not having a baby for a day or two. I mentioned to her that I was Group B positive so I knew I needed to get the antibiotics in my system so as not to harm Abigail. You have to have two doses, 4 hours a part. One right when you get there and the next one four hours later for it to actually take effect. She told me to call if anything changed which means stronger contractions and closer together. I felt as if my midwife was the deciding factor so when we hung up I just assumed today wasn't baby day.


I drank close to thirteen glasses of water that day causing me to use the restroom a lot and every time I sat down I felt this familiar pressure. It reminded me of Elijah's birth when my OB at the time told me his head was super low. I brushed it off every time and decided to try the nap and bath. Elijah was in a mood so I made him lay next to me. He passed out in about five minutes but as much as I tried to just rest I couldn't stop noticing the contractions. They were real and steady and I texted a friend to tell her I couldn't sleep because they were keeping me awake. She suggested the bath next so after Elijah was awake I left him with Kaleb and headed into the tub. It was closer to 5pm now so Kaleb heated up some dinner while I waited to see if anything slowed down. Nothing did. Steady, real, and getting closer together. They felt close enough at this point to really time on my contraction timer app. I sat down and started devouring a bowl of three bean chili stopping at every contraction to hit the start button. As it would slow and end I would hit stop and noticed they were only about 30 seconds long. I thought maybe they should be longer before I could consider it active labor. We sat on the couch and turned on The Office while I timed them some more. Almost an hour and a half of timing and I noticed they were 2-3 minutes a part lasting 30-45 seconds. I screen shot the progress and sent it to a few of my friends. All of them told me it was Abby day! I felt confident and had Kaleb call my midwife again and give her an update. She told us to head to the hospital now since we live almost an hour away. This was it. We gathered our last minute items and threw everything in the car. I called my mom and sister to meet us at the hospital and texted our friend Jessica who was going to be taking pictures of Abigail's birth. Everyone had a role, a place to be, a thing to do.



Contracting in the car was hard for the 30-45 seconds that it lasted but then I would have my 2-3 minute break and I felt it wasn't so bad. This was the glorious part about going into labor on my own, the small but needed break between contractions. I didn't have that with Elijah. When we arrived to the hospital I checked in by myself while Kaleb waited on my mom to come get Elijah. That was the only moment he was away from me. Once in the room my midwife checked me and I was 5cm dilated and 90% effaced. AMAZING! Knowing I was halfway through already put my mind at ease as my midwife started my first round of antibiotics. My blood pressure was going up a lot so they monitored that for a little while, waiting to see if it would go down so I could get out of the bed and labor on my own. Unfortunately when your blood pressure is high you have to stay on your side in bed which is what I had to do with Elijah. It makes laboring hard and it would have prevented me from getting to have a water birth. Thankfully after taking my BP three more times all was well. We moved down to the room with the birthing tub and I was positive it wouldn't be long before Abigail would be in my arms. Just getting out of the bed and walking down the hall made labor speed up and my contractions get stronger. I was told not to get into the tub until I was in transition as it can stall labor for some women. Kaleb asked how he would know I was in transition which was funny because I was wondering the same thing. With Elijah it wasn't until after I had him that I could pinpoint when transition was happening so I thought it would be the same with Abigail-I wouldn't know until after I had her and thought back to the events. She said my eyes wouldn't open and there wouldn't be a break between contractions. I had no idea how soon I would know what she was talking about.



I moved between the couch and the sink listening to my labor playlist and the sound of the water filling up the tub. Standing up seemed to bring her down more so I tried to stay standing as much as possible but during a contraction it was hard to do. My midwife pushed on my tailbone and my hips to see if either helped relieve some of the pressure, it didn't. She was just so low and close to coming out at that point that nothing helped except Kaleb's hand for comfort. In the course of one contraction I was starting to freak out. It felt like she was going to fall out of me and everyone in the room started moving. Charlotte grabbed my sports bra and both her and Kaleb started taking off my gown and helped slip the bra over my head. Kaleb and Katie helped me into the tub and Katie asked if I wanted to be checked. Since I assumed I would be at a 9 or so I said yes and found out I was a "stretchy six." I'm still not quite sure what that means but I almost felt defeated at that point. I thought I would be so much closer with all of the movement and contractions. They told me to move onto my knees on the other side of the tub while my midwife went down the hall to discharge a patient. I'm sure no one in the room knew that this one simple movement would change everything. The minute I hit the other side of the tub I was moaning loudly through contractions and almost crying. My midwife was back by my side again and I could hear the sound of Kaleb throwing up. I heard someone give him some juice and suddenly he was back by my side just as I started to scream. I wasn't pushing on my own but my body started to and it was all so sudden and overwhelming. People started pulling me back to the other side of the tub again so I could sit back. I screamed as she crowned for several minutes. I couldn't get control of my body to push down instead of screaming. One nurse told me to breathe for my baby, another nurse was telling me to hold my own leg (*rolls eyes*), and I could hear Kaleb in my ear telling me to push. I listened to Kaleb and finally started to push. Once I got control and started actually pushing she was out within a few minutes, if even that.



She was here! At 11:07pm on her due date she made her arrival. She slipped from my body and into the water so beautifully and my midwife scooped her up and placed her in my arms. She was pale and so small. Her eyes were wide open and she was so alert. She took my face in and I took hers in as well. I was finally looking at the feet that kicked me for so many months and the head we worried wouldn't be down in time for delivery. I saw the face of the little girl who early on we thought might have down syndrome. I felt the heartbeat against my chest of my daughter who use to have a hole in her heart. All of the scary tests and anxiety that came with this pregnancy sunk into the water while she made her claim over my life. She was perfect and that's all I knew.

Dear Abigail,

I can't believe you're almost here! I guess technically you could "come any time now" but I'll go with what my midwife said and say you should really wait until 39 weeks because that's the new full term. Either way I know the Lord has your birthday specifically picked before He ever started forming you. Everything seems to be in place like I said in my last letter. Daddy and I even had our last date night for a while. I don't think there is really anything else to do before you arrival except rest and take it easy. All of the fun begins once you get here! This will be my last letter to you before you're born. How crazy is that to think of?! It's hard to keep the condo super clean because of your brother but I'm doing my best to keep it tidy for when you decide to show up. We are anxiously waiting for you sweet girl!

Love,
Mama

At 37 weeks:
-I have lost 2lbs so total weight gain is 30lbs so far
-You have dropped! See picture for visual
-You are back to head down
-No Pre Eclampsia so far, everything looks good with that
-You push on my sides a lot and very hard
-You are still so active. I don't have to do kick counts for you ever
-Contractions come and go, nothing exciting yet
-Somehow still no stretch marks but goodness you have made my belly very veiny
-Pretty swollen, had to take my wedding rings off at 36 weeks

Dear Abigail,

Well, your shower is over. Clothes have been washed and put away in their proper monthly spots. Socks have found their sole mates and pretty dresses are hanging on the other side of brother's button downs and polos. Decor is hung on your side of the room and even though daddy told me he'd do it, I put the rest of the crib together as well as wiped down all sides and corners of things you will eventually touch. A labor playlist is waiting on Spotify, your diaper bag is packed and sitting in the corner of the room complete with the most adorable coming home outfit folded neatly and placed at the bottom. The swing is put together in the living room, cradle is sweetly adorning the corner of our room, and the spot underneath our vanity is filling quickly with things I'll need in the middle of the night for you. Everything and everyone is (im)patiently waiting for your arrival though we still have 8 weeks left. The last stretch is the hardest and I remember it with your brother. The last few weeks feel agonizing especially when you feel so prepared but sitting here looking around at all of your things I know that I'm not as ready for you as I feel.

I thought the same thing with Elijah. I was ready for him but then he came and my heart almost exploded with the love that overflowed for him. I almost couldn't handle it. Would I be able to catch my breath when looking at him ever again? Would I be able to protect him from all of the evil in this world? Would he always love and need me as much as he did those first months? A resounding no answers all of those questions as they will for you someday. I gave your brother up to the Lord when he was nine days old and it's an act I play over and over again. It'll be the same with you and though I don't want to be this mom I'm sure I'll continue doing it even as you grow into a woman, wife, and mother of your own someday.

I'm dreaming of your sweet nose that I can see so clearly in your sonogram pictures. I'm wondering if you will have dark hair like daddy or light hair like me. I'm curious to see how you and Elijah get along during these first months. I can't wait to wear you and have you up close always, smelling your hair which will inevitably hold the scent of Heaven. I can't wait to swaddle you and place you sweetly in the middle of your cradle. I can't wait to take you to Kerrville for the first time and have a party in your honor. I just can't wait...for everything.

Dear Bre,

You are swollen to no end girlfriend and this last stretch of pregnancy feels like it's taking forever but everything is going to come so fast. You've prayed and dreamed up this labor and delivery process and for the most part you get exactly what you wanted. You're mighty. You birth your baby with no medicine even though they had to induce you and you feel like you're almost on a powerful high after that twelve hour labor but then he's out and on your chest and you realize you prepared so well for the birth but not so much for the everything after. In the hospital your husband does most of the work because you're not really there. You didn't change Elijah's diaper yourself until the third day of his life but I promise you he will never remember that. Being a new mom hit you fast and hard as it does every woman. You'll spend most nights nursing and then sliding your finger underneath his nose while he's sleeping so you can make sure he's still breathing. Every stir will wake you up and for many, many months you won't sleep because the anxiety doesn't leave. But I like to think that you leaned on God a lot more during this season then you probably ever had before. He sends you friends who help you on this journey of becoming a mom and even friends who aren't mamas who will hold your baby while they chat with you for hours. You're not as alone as you feel. You are surrounded by community and the three jobs Kaleb is holding down now is only temporary. Fast forward two years later and he has an amazing job, the job you prayed for over and over again. See...God hears you. He sees you. You are known and loved even when you spend 8am to 11pm without talking to a single adult. You got through those first months of witching hours and crying. You got through those months when Elijah would only sleep when he was held. You got through the CIO stage and eventually he sleeps in his own bed. You battled rounds of mastitis, ear infections, baby falling off the couch, postpartum depression, Sunday mornings spent in the nursing mama's room, Elijah's first trip to the ER. And even though it doesn't feel like it in those moments, your world is not crumbling I promise. You also get through milestones you thought would never come. He learns to crawl, walk, and talk. He pops his first four teeth within six days of each other and you lived to tell the tale. His first food was an avocado and he would still rather use his hands to eat than a spoon or fork. He learns to climb out of his crib much sooner than you ever thought he would and now he's two and sleeping in a twin bed. He blows your mind with how smart he is and how quickly he picks things up. He is strong willed and doesn't respond to discipline very well but somehow God will use his bold, courageous spirit for the Kingdom.

So, with Abigail you'll still learn a lot but there's so many things you already know now mama.
Nurse her when she wants and don't look at the clock.
Wear her so you can cuddle her and still play with Elijah.
Hold her if that's what she wants and don't force her to fall asleep if she's happy being awake.
Don't cry when you're sick and home with both babies, you can do it.
Let Elijah poke her nose and touch her head.
It's ok if she cries, it doesn't always mean something is wrong.
Open the blinds those first few weeks and turn the worship music on extra loud.
Put down the phone and trust your first instinct, you don't always have to call the pediatrician.
Utilize the community God has given you and ask for prayer or help when you need it.
Do not feel bad about Elijah watching too much TV at the beginning, Abigail needs you a little more than he does and that's ok.
Do not feel bad about putting her down in her crib so you can go to the bathroom.
It's ok if she cries while you're out at a restaurant. Just take a deep breath and nurse her.
If she kicks off the cover while you nurse her don't run to the bathroom, just feed her where you're at.
Eventually both kids will be crying at the same time-assess the situation and conquer one problem at a time.
Don't rush the days because they are few and far between.
Breathe in her new baby smell because that's a tiny glimpse of Heaven.
Thank God for her everyday even when it feels like you're going a little stir crazy.
Let Elijah bring you diapers and wipes and burp rags. He's anxious to help.
But most of all enjoy your babies. They are rewards from the King Himself.

Dear Abigail,

You are OK!! Every test has come back negative and your heart is fine. You are perfect and the funny thing about my version of perfection is that it's just you being born in general. Those tests could have came back positive, your heart could have had defects but I would still see you as perfect. Currently life is easier as we are finally setting up your side of the room in brother's room. I imagine sometimes it will be hard to figure out how to clash your flowers and glitter with Elijah's monsters and cars but I don't doubt you two will be best friends. I hit the third trimester this week and I'm blown away by how close we are to meeting you! The holidays make everything go by so quickly. Three months. That's it! You are three months away from being in my arms. Your shower is next month and of course Aunt Sissy has already began to make sweet crafts for you as well as buy you some of the most adorable outfits. Friends and family are excited to meet you and spoil you as well. Elijah only knows you through this giant bump forming under my shirt but he loves you dearly already. We can't tell if you're a fan of daddy yet. You kick him pretty hard when we're sleeping and you're basically inactive when he's talking to you. I bet you will be a daddy's girl through and through. Your name after all means a father's joy. I'm bummed you won't be here already as the holidays come but you stay in there until week 40! I want you nice and cooked before you come to us. We love you and can't wait to meet you baby girl!

Love,
Mama

I vowed last year that I would participate this year in the 31 days of writing challenge. To learn more about it and even sign up to do it yourself just go here. I have every reason to not accept this challenge this year but more than just expanding my writing and going deeper on one topic I'm also seeing this as an opportunity to slow down and really see Jesus in the mundane for 31 consecutive days. I'm not sure if I'll make it to be honest. I might make it to day 10 or day 18 and fall completely behind or I might complete this thing in perfect accordance with October. I think I'm a little crazy accepting such a challenge when I'm wading through the junk currently going on but maybe it's just crazy enough that it will work.



Elijah is always doing something new or saying new phrases and words that I'm honestly not sure where he picked them up. The other day he was watching me play Candy Crush and said "RAINBOW MAMA!!!" I don't think I've ever told him what a rainbow looked like or showed him a picture of one so I have no idea how he knew. Probably all of the random Netflix shows he watches. Another weird thing he has been doing lately is crossing his arms across his chest and exclaiming-"I scared! I scared!"At first I would brush it off but he does it so much lately that I started thinking it was a good opportunity to pray with him. When he would say it I would ask him if he wanted to pray about it so he wasn't scared anymore. He would say okay and climb up on the couch so he could sit next to me. I placed my hand on his back and prayed for the Lord to take away his fear. Obviously he's two so he would say amen and then not long after that exclaim that he was scared again but the point I was trying to show him was that you can pray when you're scared. God doesn't give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7) and even though he doesn't quite understand it right now I want to instill that in him. In the deepest part of his heart where he will hide his fear as young boy one day I want him to remember praying with me on the couch to not be afraid.



Kids preach, y'all. They really do. Most lessons from God that I learn come from something happening with Elijah so of course this was no different. We got some scary news about Abigail yesterday (hence why this first post is late). I will definitely share more once we know for sure what's going on but for now we have to get some tests done and I'm terrified. I'm so terrified. There is already a giant mountain in front of us with trying to move that this mountain now seems like too much. As I typed that I could hear the verse "This mountain will be thrown into the midst of the sea." My version of scared is obviously very different from Elijah's version but the answer is still the same. Pray the fear away. God is so much bigger than a diagnosis or a problem. He's so much bigger than these mountains. Part of me knows the Truth of who He is and another part is still just so scared. So, I'll pray. I'll keep praying until that fear turns to peace. I'll pray until God's healing hand moves over my womb. I'll do it because Elijah is reminding me that fear has no place in our life.

That's Jesus.

Dear Abigail,