Dear Bre,

(A letter from me to the girl I was in high school.)

This letter is hard to type. Sounds weird since it's me writing it to...well...me but it's not easy. I am faced with you everyday. You, the "BC" you. That's what I refer to you as anyway. BC stands for Before Christ, like how people refer to things that happened before Jesus was around.

Change is coming.

Well, around this time that I have in my mind you're 17. What a fun age! But for you this isn't very fun. You just found out the bad news. I remember both of those days so clearly. August came in a rush and suddenly you're not thinking about graduation anymore. In the snap of the day you're on the phone with your boyfriend, thinking about names and how you will tell your parents. And then November comes. The chill of that day seemed to add a dramatic twist or maybe everything just felt exceptionally cold that day. As quickly as you found out, it was gone. He or she...you never got to find out. You woke up and there it was, this searing pain in your lower stomach and a lot of blood and then it was just....gone. My heart still stings when I think about that day. Something changed inside your heart didn't it? Maybe it hasn't yet. Just wait. The change comes. Change isn't bad Breanna though up until this point any change in your life has always been just that. You had no idea, sweet and young, that God had so many beautiful plans for you. Beautiful only because he makes beautiful things out of us.

Your prince is coming.

Choices. At 17 you have to make a lot and pretty fast too. What college? What major? Where will you live? Graduation? And then what? Career? Ugh. You think you'll make the wrong decision but can I just tell you it's one of the best decisions you make. Angelo State University didn't seem like much at first but i just gotta say-it's the bee's knee's girlfriend! Would you like to know a secret? You meet your soulmate there. I don't want to tell you his name because then you'll run. You always do that, run. But I will tell you that He loves Jesus more than he loves you. This is a weird concept for you right now but just trust me-When you get to this place I'm at now you understand completely why that is so important. He is also very, very wise. Sometimes you peek in on his life group lessons (you become a life group leader as well. Yea, I know. It's stinkin weird but I'm tellin you girl...you CHANGE) and you see just how much wisdom he is full of. Enough bragging. There will be a string of bad nights during your freshman year that will lead to a specific moment in a bathroom at a party where you finally call it quits. You throw in the towel and in that moment there is so much peace that washes over you. A peace that goes beyond all understanding and that's how you know it's from the Lord. Following all of this you finally give your heart completely to the Lord in October of 2009 at the altar in a ministry that changes your life forever. Don't worry, your husband knows all of this. He knows your past and thankfully his is pretty similar so he's quick to look at who you are now instead of who you were then.

Healing is coming.

I wish I could tell you that after the miscarriage you find healing right away but it's actually not until after you get married that the healing really comes. (Your husband is very patient in this process, one of the many reasons you love him so much.) Healing from everything to be honest. From the party days, the drinking, the guys, and the baby. He's amazing. Jesus. The way He knows just the perfect time to wreck your heart with something sweet, something needed, and something loving. He gives you answers to all of your why's but only in His timing. Be patient, love. Oh, and I bet you're wondering about your family. Mom and dad are still the same. I think their love is fading most days but they're still hanging on and that's gotta count for something right? You and mom are close now which is probably weird to you but it's a new normal. Dad and you find healing in your relationship. It's a great process and he get's to walk you down the aisle. Charlotte is still crazy but she found Jesus too. She's a new kind of crazy. A beautiful kind of crazy. Yes, you're still closer than ever. She's the maid of honor at your wedding! No, she's not married yet. Still no boyfriend but man...this guy is going to be so wonderful for her. Good things really do come to those who wait. Cheer up, you'll have a brother-in-law soon enough and you'll have to constantly remind her of that on the nights she can't sleep because the tears won't let her. She's still hurting some days but for the most part there is healing going on inside of her as well. One last thing-You did scar them (all of those girls) and it's too late to make amends but the Lord helps to redeem you by placing a lot of wonderful women in your life. You actually have girl friends and just wait till you meet all of them! They love you like crazy and vice versa. You never say a mean thing to a girl again. Truly. Your trash talk turns into kind words. And your whole life does a complete turn around. All for the better. I promise.

Final though (i promise)-Your husband is a drummer! How hot is that?! You finally find someone who has a passion for music the way you do. Your house is filled with it everyday. And the best part? Just wait till you find out what he wants to do for the rest of his life. It's going to blow your mind.

Check this out!

Graceful by Emily P. Freeman