As I sit down to reflect on another year that has rooted deep into the ground underneath our small and budding marriage I find myself needing to write down who Kaleb has been this past year. He has stood in a place that I imagine no spouse wants to stand in. He stood in as a rock while I processed so much this year. A new baby and losing my dad all within a span of months was difficult to say the least but Kaleb stood there. He stood up for our marriage and for my heart. He never wavered and he stood firm in our promise when I could have counted on one hand how many times I deserved it. I guess we found out this past year that I close up with a major loss in my life. It's not something we could have known unfortunately. It was just something we had to watch unfold and find out where my heart would go. I've always felt very undeserving of Kaleb's love for me but this year just capitalized on that. Kaleb sees me and knows me like no other person ever could. He brings out a stillness in me that a lot of the time doesn't feel possible but beautifully enough he also embraces my fire that tends to rise up so often. While we were driving back from San Angelo this past weekend, discussing life as we tend to do when we spend hours on the road together he held my stare and said, "You really are my best friend, Breanna." My stomach sank and tears welled not because that's surprising but because after 4 years, 2 babies, and so many hard things you forget to tell each other stuff like that. He told me something on that trip that I never really thought about before. He told me after 4 years of marriage that he finally understands what being equally yoked means. Not just in faith but in parenting and teaching and in so many other areas we see eye to eye more than I realized was even necessary years ago when we said "I do." He has never had to prove his love for me but he still does over and over again because he wants to, not because he needs to.
Kaleb,
This was a hard year together, that I'm sure of. We endured and we pushed through and the best part of it all is we did it together. From laughing till our sides hurt on the couch to standing still and being silent as I felt all the things at once like I tend to do we have had another great year together. I don't think a great year together has to be defined in just happy times. It's in the seasons of growth that I feel like we've had our best moments together. Growing is a trying act but it's so worth it in the end. Suddenly we are 4 years into this and I feel like it's been a lifetime already. I know you feel like there's no way this is possible but you have taught me and still do teach me so many things. You teach me to be kind and hold my tongue, you have showed me what graceful parenting looks like, and though I'm not good at it yet you are constantly teaching me how to have patience. I love that your dreams are spilling over in your heart. You have a lot of them and I must admit that sometimes they feel out of reach or impossible. The way your soul sparks when you talk about filmmaking and touching the hearts of people around you lets me know that with your drive nothing is out of reach. I love discovering new things with you. I love watching ideas unfold between us as we figure out new things we are passionate about as well as new fires lit for things we have always longed for. I know this year will bring so much for us. I can't wait to find out what exactly it is. You are the best husband. This is not a phrase I take lightly. I say it because it's the honest truth and quite simply it must be said. The Lord has given me the biggest blessing in this marriage-you. I love you, Kaleb James.
