I. am. anxious.

My heart is pounding in my chest as 2 photographers shoot picture after picture. Helping Kaleb and I to document this moment. This moment is called "the first look." We chose to see each other before the wedding for so many reasons but the biggest one was so that we could have a moment alone. A moment that was just ours. Not with our friends and family staring at us as Kaleb tries to tell me how beautiful I look and not with our pastor standing arms length away as I whisper over and over again to Kaleb how much I love him but a moment just for us. A moment that I didn't quite prepare for until I was already making my way down the stairs. 

Kaleb's back was turned away. I folded my hands over his eyes, ignoring the flashes from the cameras. I just breathed, giggled, and let him turn around. 

That was the happiest I had ever seen Kaleb. His eyes welled up with tears as he told me how perfect I looked and how amazing my dress looked on me. He had no idea that it wasn't securely tightened and that it was practically falling down. He just knew that standing in front of him he saw beauty. Before I went out there I kept telling my bridesmaids-"My hair is too big", "My dress is falling down", "I look to sweaty", "I don't feel beautiful." I told them that the whole time I was getting ready but all it took to change my mind was to see Kaleb's face. He was literally swept off his feet. And that's all my heart wanted...was to sweep him off his feet the way he always swept me off mine. 

The rest of that night was absolute perfection. Though my dress made me mad at how much it kept falling down (as i'm sure you can unfortunately see in pictures) none of it mattered. 

Nothing mattered.

My sweet Lord confirmed over and over again that night, This is the beginning of your forever.

I love all of the questions I get when I tell people I'm married or, when we were engaged, that I was getting married soon. The normal worries always slipped between everyone's lips, out into the air, hanging in front of me, waiting for an answer. 

Aren't you kinda young?

No.

Are you ready?

As I'll ever be

What about school?

School is there whether I'm married or not. I can be a wife and still be in school.

Are you sure? 

(I had to laugh at this one) Um, yes. I'm surer than sure. Haha!

And my favorite one is the one people don't ask but merely whisper about as if I can't hear-

Isn't this a little soon? (These people were referring to Kaleb's dad who passed away almost 16 months ago and these people are usually family members.)

My answer-Kaleb's heart will be in pain forever over his dad's death but God and myself are trying our best to help him heal. Since his dad passed away I have never seen Kaleb more happy than these last 3 weeks being married to me. Call it marital bliss or whatever you want but Kaleb began healing a lot more the day we got married. I understand the worry, trust me I do. But has it ever occurred to anyone that there is not always complete understanding behind God's unbelievably perfect timing? Kaleb's heart is one that I am still learning but that God knows full well already. We were brought together at a perfect time, under a perfect God, on a perfect day, with a perfect love. Maybe it's not your perfect but it is my version of perfect. I was there when that tragic day struck Kaleb's life, as his friend i was there. And now I will be there as his wife. For the rest of our forever, I will be there. 

We did not get married to heal but in our marriage we will learn to heal each other while God (the ultimate healer) does His work. And His work is one that is not seen until time passes. 

I am married to the most amazing man of God I have ever met. I am married to a man that loves God more than he loves me, who has a servant's heart the size of Texas, who is not afraid to be emotional with me, who loves our silly black lab even when he runs into fences, who kisses me in the morning even before I get rid of my morning breath, who runs to the kitchen when I am overwhelmed by the burner that never turns on for me, who works hard to provide, who never dismisses my tears even though I cry a lot, who asks permission to play video games because he doesn't want me to feel like he's not spending time with me, who lets me have my quiet times without barging in the room, who loves worship music the way I love it, who rubs my back when I'm having trouble falling asleep, who loves every inch of me even when I look in the mirror and complain, and who loves me dearly. 

I am Mrs. Breanna Pebbles Hargrove and I wouldn't trade that for anything in this entire world.