Terrified

8:23 AM

I'm walking into the unknown and it's scary. Grace laden, this road is still scary. With each new milestone Elijah has my anxiety spikes. I keep thinking the next time his head smacks the ground he won't get right back up and laugh, he'll cry this time. He rarely does. He's strong. I wish I was as strong as him or as carefree.


What waits for us in Fort Worth? Will Kaleb find the job he's been working toward for so long now? Will my family finally sit on stable financial ground? What happens if nothing works out the way we've hoped and prayed it would?

I love change. I embrace it more than most people do I'm sure but I have to know exactly what change is coming in order to really welcome it. But this change…I'm not sure. I don't know what's happening and it's killing me. You've never truly trusted the Lord until you've stood in the dark with your hand outstretched and open. Waiting to see what He will place in it and what He will take away. My hand is shaky but outstretched it stays. He's never shaky, His promises are never unwavering. His goodness never ceases and His mercy runs deeps. His love and provision have never left us untouched. It returns over and over again. I just want to sit and let it wash over me. Like honey, I want it to run slowly down, not missing one single inch of me. 

With every blessing I turn back to praise you and with everything you take away, I'll praise you still. Is it ok to say that I want this so bad? I want Kaleb to get this position. He deserves it more than anyone else I know. I've watched him work 3 jobs in one single day and come home almost in tears because Elijah was asleep and he hadn't seen him all day. I've sat and prayed over him while he stressed greatly over our next move. I've felt him roll out of bed at 4am to go to work. I've watched burdens fall from his shoulders when he finally went down to 1 job. I want this. Bringing my petition before the Lord feels like it's not enough but that's all He asks. It can't be that simple and somehow it is.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Yea. It's that simple. 

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1 comments

  1. You write beautifully! So glad I stumbled upon your sweet blog.

    Best,
    Kate

    www.designermommy13.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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