I breathe You in

4:16 PM

I haven't really been able to breathe for a while now. Ever since Kaleb applied for the supervisor position at his job I haven't caught my breath. I've held it in waiting for an interview. He had his interview and I gasped and held it in again waiting for the next interview that never came. He got the email a couple of weeks ago saying he didn't get the job and I held my breath still...waiting for some divine miracle to show up. Whether it was in the form of his superiors saying they made a mistake or the person that they offered the job to somehow declining their offer. I have no idea what it was but I just kept holding my breath. Well, this is me finally breathing. I have typed up a completely different blog that I was going to post a week ago about this but I couldn't. I still wasn't breathing. I was still secretly hoping for that miracle that I felt we deserved somehow. I was angry and confused but nothing I felt compared to how Kaleb felt. He had worked so hard for this.


And then today (without giving any details because I can't) he heard about some sketchy stuff going on in his company and I think we both breathed a little deeper. God wasn't keeping something from us, He was protecting us. So many times before I've done this-mistaken His protection for something different, something unkind or unjust. That's not my God. Why do I reduce Him to something like that? More importantly why doesn't the bigger picture pan out, bringing into focus the beauty that is my life. Our purpose and plan isn't shoved down into a job it's so much more than that. It's in the lives that are being saved around us and through us only because He has allowed us to play a small part in the act of rescuing souls for His Kingdom. It's in the raising of tiny humans who will continue the good work when we're long gone. It's not even really in a church service or big conference most of the time but in the life group meeting or coffee date. 

So there it is and naturally I don't see it until I start to write it out. That's how I process most things God is trying to teach me. The bigger picture, the huge purpose, the gigantic plan we're all waiting on comes in a much smaller package than we realized. The laying of hands on your husband while your toddler watches from your knees or the scripture you speak over your house as you walk upstairs for the night. Maybe to go one step further it even resembles the things we don't say. When we bite our tongue instead of yelling at our children or decide to think twice before posting that certain thing to a social media account. Maybe that's the bigger picture sometimes as well. Whatever it is I'm clinging and breathing in this verse-

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

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