A letter to my Rainbow Baby

7:44 AM

Hey there teeny one!

The second trimester is here and it feels like I can breathe more easily. You are safe. You are making your home inside of me more and more each day and a small part of me was scared we wouldn't see this milestone but here we are, baby. We did it! We made it through the first trimester, me and you. I promised myself I wouldn't write to you until we had reached the second trimester. I started writing letters to your brother much earlier than this but I had to be so cautious with you. Nevertheless you are a sweet glimpse of hope for our family, proof that God sees and knows our hearts more than we realize. I'm going to look into your eyes every day and be reminded that redemption is possible. You are forever going to have a special story that goes beyond whatever your birth story will be and whatever future God already has in store for you. I know Elijah is incredibly excited to meet you even though he definitely doesn't understand that you will be on the outside of my body eventually. Daddy is still erring on the side of caution as I imagined he would be but in general dad's just wait for that first moment they feel you kick. The bonding experience is so unique and special between you and I because I'm your home right now but for daddies and babies it takes some time to really know you're in there safe and sound. We are anxiously awaiting your first kicks, little one. And to find out what you are, of course.

At 13 weeks:
-No more sickness! It stopped at 9 weeks but would ebb and flow a bit these last few weeks
-Energy still seems far out of my reach but those quick 20 minute cat naps seem to help a ton
-Bump is more distinct but still can't fit into majority of my maternity clothes
-No real cravings just a lot of food aversions

I'm relying a lot on God's peace to get me through the next few weeks until I can see/feel signs of you growing safely inside of me. Repeating this verse over and over -

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

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