The Hargrove Home

I am learning so much about hardships lately. Not even just my own but hardships as a whole and how we deal with them as a result of the growth that springs forth from it. I press my face against the cold floor and my head spins with all of the hardships that people around me are facing. Barren women longing to hold life in their womb, single women longing to be held by a husband. Sick family members and friends needing healing, others who are in desperate need of deliverance from addictions. People who are close to living on the street, others who are trying to provide for babies who are low on diapers. It's so much and it's all around us and I'm learning that walking through hardships with the smile and the positivity is not what saves you from them.

There are many times that choosing joy and holding your head up is an answer but honestly I believe that majority of the time we will see the roots grow the deepest in our faith when we allow ourselves to be wracked with emotions and grieve our hardships. I truly believe that it's easy to look up and choose the joy, pressing forward and walking along. What I believe is the hardest thing is to allow the waves to crash over you. To allow yourself to be tossed around through the waters, barely breathing, angry and fighting, gasping for air until you give up and push your hand through the troubled waters, waiting for His hand to intertwine with yours. "He will never give you more than you can handle" is such a silly phrase. Of course He will. If it was easy and you could handle it and being positive was enough to get you through it then you would never need Him.

"For You, God, tested us;
You refined us as silver is refined. 
You lured us into a trap;
You placed burdens on our  backs.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,..."

Yep. That fire you're walking through, it's hot. And those waters are falling so hard you feel like you can't breathe. But wait, friends. Just wait and read this last verse.

"But you brought us out to ABUNDANCE."

He brought us out and into abundance nonetheless. He doesn't just pull us out from our hardships and then let us lay there...He pulls us out and then gives us the abundance. The abundance doesn't always look the way we think it should but it looks exactly how He knows it should. Maybe He brought you out of your financial struggles through the help of paying off your debt instead of handing you a job with a $50,000 salary. Maybe instead of giving life to a baby He fills your home with 7 or 8 adopted children. Maybe instead of your own house to live in, He gives you a room in someone else's home to call your own.

Life is hard, y'all. I don't care how good you have it with your perfect family and your perfect home. Life. Is. Hard. He even tells us in John 16:33 that the troubles will come. They will come over and over again. It will be hard but the good thing is-we can do hard things and the reason we can do hard things is because in that moment of fighting when we decide we're to weak and we give up...He gives us His strength. What a great trade off that is. When we're weak He's strong and so that mountain you're facing can and will be leveled out for you (Isaiah 45:2). You won't do it by yourself and that's ok because that's the point. He goes before us and knows whats ahead. He allows us to keep walking down the horrible path we've put ourselves on. He lets us feel the heat from the fire. He lets the waves crash over us. But we're never burned and we never drown. We never stay on the same path we start out on. Because He brings us out and He brings us to abundance.

Always.

I've seen the sweet articles floating around Facebook these past few days. The one dedicated to the mom at Target and the mom at Chick Fil A. This blog is for neither, it's for you, mom at home.

I don't see you because you're locked safely behind your door, tucked inside the 4 walls of your home. I don't see you but I do know you. As I'm typing this I'm still in my PJ's, curled up on the chair in my sons room as he sits in the corner playing with random toys. You read the articles about Target and Chick Fil A mom and you understood what they were saying but personally you can't really relate. I know. You don't go out for many reasons. Sometimes it's because you don't have enough money to splurge at Target or Chick Fil A. Sometimes it's because you're so devoted to nap times that you live your life around them. Or maybe you share a car with your husband who works hard for you so there really isn't a way for you to get out and about. Maybe you simply don't like being the furious mom in the Target parking lot. Maybe home feels safer than risking the anxiety attacks that come from kids piled in a cart. An outing that was suppose to help you get out of the house quickly sends you rushing back home so that your children can throw their tantrums where no one else will see....or judge.

I don't see you because you're not out here mingling and truth be told I don't see you because I'm not out either. I know you because I am you. I don't think you're wrong for wanting to stay home. I get it. I really, really do. There is a certain amount of comfort that comes from the routine you've made for you and your children. I get that. Or maybe you're like me and you're still kinda new to the town you're living in. Your family is here, you've joined a wonderful church that you're serving in but you still haven't found many mom friends that don't have other things going on. Your kids are still little and maybe they have older children who have to be taken to school or MDO. I know that feeling.

I know the feeling you get when your husband kisses you on the forehead before leaving for work and you get a sudden sadness as you realize the next time you see him will be 12 hours from now. And the other sadness that breaks you when you realize he didn't get to see the kids all day. It's ok to feel like that. I think the thing that's even more sad than that is the fact that no one talks about it. The busy moms who read this on their phones in the car while they're waiting in the drive thru line for lunch...dont' feel sorry for us. We know staying isolated isn't good and we're working on it. We're working hard to break through the comfortability of the every day and just step outside of ourselves for a while. We really do want to meet you at Target just to walk around and chat or share some laughs over nuggets while the kids run in and out of tunnels in the play area. Give us time. Until then maybe you could take us up on our offer to share a cup of coffee on our couch instead of at Starbucks.

It may seem annoying at times, trust me, I'm even annoyed at it sometimes. But the reality is I don't know your story and you don't know mine. I want to know yours though. I want to know why you run millions of errands, never letting your kids get a good nap in. And I want you to know why my kid is 16 months old and still takes 2 naps a day plus is in bed at 8:30 each night. Share your story with me and I'll share mine with you. No judgement or ridicule. Just two moms who have an understanding that you do whatever works best for you and you family. Because I don't quite understand you but I really want to. So, come sit on my couch for a little while. We have stories to share, mama.

I think just by the title it sounds like such a lovely thing. A town home in the city must be beautiful! I'm here to tell you that isn't always the case but one thing I believe for sure is that you can always, always make your living environment functional and beautiful. My family lives in a 3 bedroom/2 bath town home in a city in Texas. It's not everything we dreamed it would be but I think that's mostly because we have a toddler now and are dreaming of the day that we can get a house with a backyard for him to run around. However, like stated above, you can always make something work for you and the season of life you and your family are in.

See. Functional. We didn't have any storage for our bigger items so we had to create something. We had empty space underneath the stairs so we pushed our couch up against to create a make shift storage area. It holds most of our outside items-bike, golf clubs, chars, etc. I thought it would look very tacky but surprisingly enough it looks normal as if that's all it was meant for.



One thing I wish we had here is Compass. This fantastic website helps match you (MATCH YOU) to your ideal apartment. My husband and I had to Google and search and ask all around before we found a place here and even then it's still not exactly what we're looking for. With a site like Urban Compass we could have found a place in our budget as well as one in a neighborhood that fit our personality and taste. Maybe someone will be genius enough to follow in the footsteps of these New Yorkers and create one for Texas someday.

I've been a tad overwhelmed all day. I have that "Sunday evening" feeling that I use to get when I was in school. The dreaded feeling that Monday begins another week of school and classes and homework, etc. Except Monday brings much harder work than school, it brings the work week and for me that obviously means staying home with Elijah. Please, before you laugh at that remember to not judge. Every job has its hardships and staying at home whether you're a wife or a mama too can be tasking. Kaleb works all week so his next day off won't come until next Sunday. This reality brought on the "Sunday evening" feeling for me all day today. I know that I will wake up tomorrow and start another hard week of mothering, tantrums, cooking, cleaning, diaper changes, slapping (a recent discovery my toddler has made), yelling (yep, real life..don't pretend you don't do it too), and the works. The "Sunday evening" feeling can bring on loads of anxiety for me.

Look up!

I never had anxiety until Elijah was born and now it seems to get worse as he gets older and older. While I completely believe that God made such beautiful things like essential oils to help with this (I love my Peace and Calm and Joy oil). I also believe that anxiety is not something I should just sit and be ok with. When I think of the week ahead and the things I mentioned above I can see myself doing these tasks, walking up and down the stairs, stepping over baby gates...and doing it all while looking down. That's not the way.

Look up!

He's calling me and you to look up from the trenches and overcome this. Just simply look up. Remember the purpose, remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel, remember that this too has meaning.

Look up!

This too shall pass. The tantrums that leave you feeling like you're doing this mothering thing all wrong. The constant hours you log at a job that you find no meaning in. The ends you're trying to force to meet but seem to be completely running away from each other. All of it. It will all pass. And that's something I have to remind myself to do. Let the anxiety pass. Look up and just let it fall away. This does not have a stronghold over me or you, friend. Get ready for the week ahead with me, will you? The JOY of the week to come. Pray it out. Everything you're anxious for and over. Pray. It. Out.