Letters to my baby: To clear the air

8:51 AM

Baby,

Something is on my heart heavy today. It's like a weight I can't push off until I tell you. Because I know kid's grow up hearing things and then wondering for themselves if it's true or not. So to clear the air-You were planned. I mean literally. Daddy and I planned for you to be here, we prayed about it, we got counsel over it (actually I got counsel from one person over it but she is someone who I get all of my wise counseling from. She is my mentor). You were intentionally thought out, my baby. And that's a hard pill for some people to swallow. Not that it was wrong but a lot of people have opinions on our timeline for things. We rush to quickly and don't think these things through but I've been thinking about you since I was 17. After a traumatic event that year (which I will tell you about when you're much older) I was growing with the Lord. I hadn't given my heart to Him yet but I was working towards it. Something He sweetly whispered to me one night was "I'm taking care of that baby. Don't you worry." And from that day I knew you would never come at the wrong time. Sometimes I feel like we think about things almost too much. When God tells you to go, please go. If He tells you to be a missionary in Ethiopia, go. If He tell's you to be a pastor, go. If He tells you to sing, do it. If He tell's you to be bold, BE BOLD! There isn't enough time left to let fear control your direction in life. Read that again-There isn't enough time left to let fear control your direction in life. That's not said to scare you, my sweet baby. That's said to let you know that you should live out your life for Christ now instead of later.

He's tangible. Know that now. That's something I've spent my whole life (my new life) trying to wrap my head around. He's forming you in my womb right now. He's moving things around inside of me so you can grow and be healthy. He's molding your future spouse. He's in our home. He reigns inside of our hearts. He's there every time I cried over you. He's there when you have your first heartbreak. He's there when you decide on your path. He's there when you walk into your first grade class. He's there when you fall of your bike for the first time. He was right next to daddy when he found his father passed away. He was there when I tried to hide. He's there. He's real. You can touch Him. You can speak to Him and He will always speak to you. And I am a living witness that He. Never. Leaves.
He never leaves us, baby. Through tears now, I can tell that I still struggle with that myself. He walks with me and He'll walk with you soon enough. So, never let others dictate your next move in life. If you're praying about it and God is speaking to you on it then go. Just go.

I love you,
Mommy

P.S. Thanks for waving to me yesterday on the screen. I cried my eyes out in front of the ultrasound technician but it was so worth it.

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