The Hargrove Home

Ah, joy! Sweet joy! This fruit of the spirit doesn't seem too hard to work on. Almost effortless? Goodness, I can be so naive sometimes. Once again within the first 48 hours of this new challenge being spoken out and accepted I failed again. And again I just let it happen. I noticed the things that instantly took my joy away were so small. When I got a moment to sit down and soak in all of the pieces of my day that were still angering me at 5 pm I realized they were all small and they were honestly all out of my hands. I allowed other people to define my joy instead of proclaiming it through Christ. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says:

Haha what a silly list but all of these things brought great joy to my heart today. Actually, insane amounts of joy! I serve a good, good God and I know He gave me a life worth finding joy in. Even in the smallest of things.

Dear Bre,

(A letter from me to the girl I was in high school.)

This letter is hard to type. Sounds weird since it's me writing it to...well...me but it's not easy. I am faced with you everyday. You, the "BC" you. That's what I refer to you as anyway. BC stands for Before Christ, like how people refer to things that happened before Jesus was around.

Change is coming.

Well, around this time that I have in my mind you're 17. What a fun age! But for you this isn't very fun. You just found out the bad news. I remember both of those days so clearly. August came in a rush and suddenly you're not thinking about graduation anymore. In the snap of the day you're on the phone with your boyfriend, thinking about names and how you will tell your parents. And then November comes. The chill of that day seemed to add a dramatic twist or maybe everything just felt exceptionally cold that day. As quickly as you found out, it was gone. He or she...you never got to find out. You woke up and there it was, this searing pain in your lower stomach and a lot of blood and then it was just....gone. My heart still stings when I think about that day. Something changed inside your heart didn't it? Maybe it hasn't yet. Just wait. The change comes. Change isn't bad Breanna though up until this point any change in your life has always been just that. You had no idea, sweet and young, that God had so many beautiful plans for you. Beautiful only because he makes beautiful things out of us.

Your prince is coming.

Choices. At 17 you have to make a lot and pretty fast too. What college? What major? Where will you live? Graduation? And then what? Career? Ugh. You think you'll make the wrong decision but can I just tell you it's one of the best decisions you make. Angelo State University didn't seem like much at first but i just gotta say-it's the bee's knee's girlfriend! Would you like to know a secret? You meet your soulmate there. I don't want to tell you his name because then you'll run. You always do that, run. But I will tell you that He loves Jesus more than he loves you. This is a weird concept for you right now but just trust me-When you get to this place I'm at now you understand completely why that is so important. He is also very, very wise. Sometimes you peek in on his life group lessons (you become a life group leader as well. Yea, I know. It's stinkin weird but I'm tellin you girl...you CHANGE) and you see just how much wisdom he is full of. Enough bragging. There will be a string of bad nights during your freshman year that will lead to a specific moment in a bathroom at a party where you finally call it quits. You throw in the towel and in that moment there is so much peace that washes over you. A peace that goes beyond all understanding and that's how you know it's from the Lord. Following all of this you finally give your heart completely to the Lord in October of 2009 at the altar in a ministry that changes your life forever. Don't worry, your husband knows all of this. He knows your past and thankfully his is pretty similar so he's quick to look at who you are now instead of who you were then.

Healing is coming.

I wish I could tell you that after the miscarriage you find healing right away but it's actually not until after you get married that the healing really comes. (Your husband is very patient in this process, one of the many reasons you love him so much.) Healing from everything to be honest. From the party days, the drinking, the guys, and the baby. He's amazing. Jesus. The way He knows just the perfect time to wreck your heart with something sweet, something needed, and something loving. He gives you answers to all of your why's but only in His timing. Be patient, love. Oh, and I bet you're wondering about your family. Mom and dad are still the same. I think their love is fading most days but they're still hanging on and that's gotta count for something right? You and mom are close now which is probably weird to you but it's a new normal. Dad and you find healing in your relationship. It's a great process and he get's to walk you down the aisle. Charlotte is still crazy but she found Jesus too. She's a new kind of crazy. A beautiful kind of crazy. Yes, you're still closer than ever. She's the maid of honor at your wedding! No, she's not married yet. Still no boyfriend but man...this guy is going to be so wonderful for her. Good things really do come to those who wait. Cheer up, you'll have a brother-in-law soon enough and you'll have to constantly remind her of that on the nights she can't sleep because the tears won't let her. She's still hurting some days but for the most part there is healing going on inside of her as well. One last thing-You did scar them (all of those girls) and it's too late to make amends but the Lord helps to redeem you by placing a lot of wonderful women in your life. You actually have girl friends and just wait till you meet all of them! They love you like crazy and vice versa. You never say a mean thing to a girl again. Truly. Your trash talk turns into kind words. And your whole life does a complete turn around. All for the better. I promise.

Final though (i promise)-Your husband is a drummer! How hot is that?! You finally find someone who has a passion for music the way you do. Your house is filled with it everyday. And the best part? Just wait till you find out what he wants to do for the rest of his life. It's going to blow your mind.

Check this out!

Graceful by Emily P. Freeman

"To be a woman of God" was the name of the lesson last night. We talked about women we looked up to, who God is to us, and ways to walk towards goals. For instance, we went over the fruits of the spirit. For those of you who aren't familiar in Galatians 5:22-23 the fruits of the spirit are listed as love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I presented my life group with a challenge-Each week we will work on a fruit of the spirit. Each of us will find a verse that has to do with that certain fruit of the spirit and we will memorize it and put that fruit into practice for the week. Sounds easy? Wrong! Totally totally wrong. Be honest, this is not a simple task, it is literally a challenge. Our first fruit of the spirit for week 1 is love. That's seriously not easy. When someone is irritating you, being mean, talking down to you..your first instinct is not to love them. It's usually to get even, be mean back, or just not say anything at all.

I was having a conversation last night with 2 of my girls. We were talking about a whirlwind of things but one subject that presented itself was how we know the Lord speaks to us. It's such a weird question now that I've slept on it and processed it for a while. It's so funny that the Lord had just spoken to me a couple of hours before that conversation and yet I failed to mention that. Why? Because He spoke to me through a song. Basically this is what happened-

Around 5:30 that evening (an hour and a half before my first life group of the year) I texted a dear friend of mine and told her my heart was shattered. It doesn't really matter why my heart was shattered at that moment, the point is I used that exact phrase-"My heart is just shattered." As I began to be more at peace thinking of how anxious I was for life group to start, I started getting ready. First, I put on my eye liner then as my straightener heated up I applied some mascara to my sad little eyelashes which were clumped together from tears that had been there not too long ago. While waiting to straighten out some waves in my hair I turned on Pandora. The station that was on was Kari Jobe. A new station I had just added the day before. In the middle of talking to Kaleb and going over another wave I heard the words "You're heart isn't shattered anymore. He is here." I stopped. You don't really hear those words in a lot of worship songs-hearts being shattered. It's usually you're heart is broken or more along the line of that at least but this song said shattered. My flesh, for just a moment, tried to brush it off but I quickly walked out of the bathroom and snuggled next to Kaleb on the bed and told him that the Lord had just spoke to me through that song. Then I went back in the bathroom and continued to get ready.

So here's the deal-why would I forget to mention that? It's because when I hear the word speak I automatically think of Jesus actually speaking to me (which He does) but I don't think of anything else. The truth is Christ speaks to us through the ways that we will listen. At the moment I was so caught up in getting ready that I wouldn't have listened if the Lord would have whispered to my heart, I am here. But that song caught my attention in that moment. One of the girls shared a heart wrenching story of how the Lord showed her a beautiful verse in Romans right after she had just found out some bad news for her senior year in basketball. See, the Lord speaks in so many different ways. Whatever will catch our attention in the moment, that's what He's going to use. For me, music always speaks. My heart is attached to worship music and praising my King. I love to sing my prayers sometimes and to even worship by myself in my bedroom. The Lord sees that, He sees me, and so He honors my own heart by speaking to me in ways that make sense for me.

I love that about Jesus. He speaks to each of us what makes sense for our own hearts.
Beautiful.