2014: Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.

2:16 PM

2013 is coming to a close and it is bittersweet. This year has been good to my family and tough at the same time. Obviously, our biggest blessing we received this year was when our newest addition entered the world on July 12th. I think it's safe to say Kaleb and I have known dark days (my first few weeks of postpartum were a little scary) and some blindingly bright ones. Overall, it has been a stressful year with moves, job transitions, and financial problems but God has asked us to cling to Him and cling we have. There were many times rent shouldn't have been paid and groceries shouldn't have been in our fridge but He always provided. Somehow, some way we were never left empty handed.

Can I be honest? That's always a scary question but I think you will all be more than understanding. This year I barely sought out God's face. I read…every now and then. I prayed…every now and then. But like I've said before I felt as if I was crawling from week to week. Barely getting by with the minimal effort I was giving to my spiritual life. I would let Monday night and Sunday morning services fill me up just enough to get me to life group on Wednesday night so I could pour out over my girls. I would have nothing left to give my husband or, let alone, myself. It's scary to think I was ever a leader in Chi Alpha because this is how I made it through the year. People would pour into me and I would pour out to my life group and that was it. There was no real substance, no meat to chew, nothing nourishing. Just milk. Hm..Milk. Like what my baby drinks. My milk will only sustain Elijah for so long before he will NEED solid food. Oh, the comparison God can bring to light through a child. Kid's preach, folks. They really do. I'm sure you can make the connection. Once Elijah was born I could no longer sit in a service on Sunday mornings or Monday nights to help me make it through the week. That was when God really started showing me that something needed to change. I texted this to Kaleb the other day-"I feel like my soul is dying. I know that sounds dramatic but I feel like I can't breathe in this life. I need more. More God." And I do. I NEED more.

So, in 2014 I am not making any resolutions, I am making changes. Slowly but surely. Kaleb and I had a sweet conversation last night where we picked out routines, plans, times, etc for our quiet times (though with a baby they're not very quiet ;]). That's my change. That's what I'm going into 2014 with. I'm not going to throw my hands up and pretend I'll find time. I want to make time and intentionally go there to meet Him. I'm not making a resolution to be a better wife, a better mom, or a better friend. I'm making a change to be a better bride to my Jesus because then everything will fall into place. I've seen firsthand how sweet my life is when I'm earnestly seeking God's face, not just every now and then. Kaleb and I are stepping back from things and embracing others. Making time to grow together in our marriage and in our parental roles rather than pouring into others until we're dry. There's a season for everything under heaven and this is our season to soak it all in. If you're reading this-pray for us! Pray for our 2014 and we'll pray for yours.

Side note: I do want to write more, take more pictures and videos, and spend more time with my family outside of our home as well as spend time with our friends in 2014. Let's do this!

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