With a heavy heart

San Angelo

It's where I laid myself upon an altar and died only to rise a born again someone.
It's where my 2 years of college education began and ended but not indefinitely.
It's where a scrawny freshman slid his phone across the carpet and asked me for my number.
It's where God showed up and rescued me, pulling me from the muck and the mire and cleansing my soul.
It's where I danced in front of the mirror with Amy and shared 4 am conversations with Whitney.
Where I started working with babies and discovered a love for children I never knew I had.
Where I made many mistakes but learned to run to Jesus instead of from Him.
Where that scrawny freshman gave me my first flower on our first Valentines day together.
Where I finally got on stage and learned to deal with my fear.
Where someone thought I was worthy enough to lead others.
Where I became a part of a leadership team that became more than people; they became family.
Where that scrawny freshman cried on my shoulder and I cried too.
Where I found my mentor.
Where I found community.
Where I found a pastor who gave me food to eat and fed me the Word as well.
Where God told me I would clean up messes and I did.
Where He told me to step back and really look.
Where He told me to stay because the workers were few but the harvest was great.
Where I fell in love with that scrawny freshman and discovered he was the man I'd been praying for.
Where that scrawny freshman became not so scrawny and where we shared our first kiss.
Where my life finally made sense.
Where I wrestled with the Lord over and over when mending my brokeness.
Where He restored my heart and made me new.
Where that boy decided to make our first kiss, my last first kiss.
Where I discovered my fear of friendships and lost a lot of people.
Where I drove a few girls away who were counting on me.
Where I learned how to two step by a lake.
It's where I found modesty and purity to be the very thing God was asking of me.
It's where I got the phone call that my mamaw had passed away.
It's where Sarah dropped her homework and came to my dorm to pray over me.
It's where I found out I was pregnant and jumped off the couch to hug that man I married.
It's where I learned motherhood cannot be done alone.
It's where I finally opened up about my miscarriage.
It's where I first went to Hastings and fell in love with the book section.
Where I was 18 and Mari told me the Lord was writing my love story over 2 am messages on Facebook.
It's where I began blogging and where I discovered an online community who got me.
It's where I became addicted to coffee.
It's where I came back from my honeymoon and stopped being a fiancé and started being a wife.
It's where I helped Sabrina fight for breastfeeding.
Where I saw Maroon 5 and Fitz and The Tantrums in concert.
Where I stood by the bon fire and decided there was more.
Where I went to the lake at midnight with my XA friends and got moved by the Holy Spirit.
It's where I met the most amazing OB/GYN and cried with friends when we had to say good-bye.
It's where honoring one another became harder than I could imagine.
It's where I woke up each Sunday eager to go to church.
It's where I discovered my heart for young couples and new moms.

San Angelo...

It's an anointing oil spilling over me and the smell of a new dorm.
It's living on my own for the first time.
It's ratty furniture and hand-me-down dishes.
It's packages in the mail and tearful good byes.
It's phone calls to my family and Charlotte moving to live with me.
It's Charlotte moving back to Fort Worth after my wedding.
It's learning that being sick without your mom to take care of you sucks pretty hard.
It's no money to pay rent until a little owl card comes and a vase of flowers.
It's a grace laden friendship I can never let go of.
It's wisdom from wise counsel spilling over me time and time again.
It's tough conversations and lots of prayer.
It's learning to cook and bake.
It's countless baby and bridal showers.
It's weddings I danced at and several I cried at.
It's new relationships to discover.
It's delivering my first child.
It's a doula and lactation consultant who rocked my world.
It's postpartum tears shared in a dark living room with Sarah the day she showed me how to nurse.
It's discovering I can do all things through Christ. 
It's driving to Ashlee and Heath's house to share my broken heart.
It's a dimly lit hallway I walked down with my RA friend for nightly rounds.
It's midnight laundry washing at Texan Hall.
It's girl's night at Keely's place with prayer instead of gossip.
It's a night ride on the back of the motorcycle.
It's playing football in the snow and worship in the apartment.
It's Zero One Ale House and Armenta's.
It's getting close to The Ferguson's right before they moved away.
It's singing to raise money for missions.
It's hugging Kayla on the front pew and telling her I'm sorry.
It's too much ramen and so much free food.
It's parties at The Grove and learning what BC days are all about.
It's traveling from dorm to dorm with new friends.
It's my-face-in-the-carpet type prayers.
It's Mali, Jake, Ellie, Grayson, and Lylah being etched in my heart forever.
It's sharing life in married life group and realizing how much I need them.
It's late night conversations at the Kotze's while Elijah snoozes in the pack n play.
It's one movie theatre and a one story mall.
It's wishing Baker Street would come back.
It's DMB always coming through the speakers.
It's an inspiration of health from The Taylor's.
It's accountability I never asked for but desperately needed.
It's living in 4 apartments and 1 house over the span of 3 years.
It's the Holy Spirit falling every sunday morning at SAF.
It's praying at Starbucks during regroup.
It's 2 transitions of pastors whom I greatly love and respect.
It's worship that moved me to tears and sermons that grew me.
It's finally building a relationship with her only to let it fall between my fingers.
It's "click-click" and all of the memories that rush back.


It's San Angelo and no one can tell me any different.

Fort Worth, you have some pretty big shoes to fill.