Last night we went out to Chili's with some friends. They called it our good-bye dinner which is as sweet as it is depressing. They're moving to College Station in July so we're not exactly sure when we will see them again. We were in a booth so Elijah was seated at the end in a high chair. There never seems to be enough room on tables for littles because not long after getting our drinks he grabbed one of our friends water cups and spilled it all over himself. The minute the cold water and fresh ice cubes hit his lap he started crying. I immediately told Kaleb to hand him to me and I would go change his diaper and leave his wet shorts off. Yes, I let my kid rock a shirt and cloth diaper for the rest of the night in public. It had to be done! On my way to the bathroom he was shaking still. That makes sense to me. He was cold and wet, poor guy. But the minute I laid him down on the changing table to get him dry he started full on screaming. No one in that bathroom could do their business I'm sure. The diaper change that should have taken 2 minutes (even with tossing and turning) felt like it took an hour because of the angry crying my son was doing.

He wasn't so much sad as he was scared and angry at the changing process. He was mad he got wet in the first place. He was mad he was cold. He was scared to be on the tall changing table. He was scared of getting changed. After it was over and I picked him up he was calm. The tears dried up and the shaking ceased. He was still in my arms as I carried him back to the table. When I got back to the booth and resumed conversation with our friends we got asked these questions:

"Are you guys nervous about moving?"

No way! I'm so excited!

"Are you sad to be leaving people or are you just like oh-my-gosh-it's-coming-so-fast-I'm-not-ready-for-this?"

I'm not so much sad as I am scared and angry to be leaving these people and our church. I don't think anyone quite understands how mad I am that I can't just pick up SAF and bring the entire church body with us to Fort Worth. The changing process is one I'm kicking and screaming through when it comes to changing churches. I guess I've always known I can't live and die at SAF but I'm not ready to say good-bye to the church I've called home for so long and friends who have impacted me greatly.  Our last Sunday is in 2 days and as I'm typing that tears are welling up in my eyes. Kaleb might have to drag me out kicking and screaming after service ends.

But it's change and while I fight the initial process I know that God is carrying my family safely to the next one. In His arms all crying stops and shaking ceases as I trust him to carry us to the next chapter of the place we will get spiritually fed. I can't say that I'm not scared, I'm terrified! But He's a good God and He knows the plans He has for us even when we stand there, shaking and unsure. 5 years ago He was faithful to provide me, even as a new Christian, with a church that helped me grow and He is faithful to do it again.

He is faithful to do it again.