My 6 months of wisdom (in which that's not really a lot)

10:15 AM

So many weddings are coming up. I mean SO many. And I literally have no words to describe how happy I am for all of these weddings though I might have to miss some considering the fact that my due date is on the day of one of them (Jazz-I am so, so sad I have to miss your wedding but I know it will be BEAUTIFUL!!) I want to give you all a gift and by gift I mean something I wasn't given but would have really liked to hear and that is this-advice from a newlywed. All of the advice and wisdom I was given was from women who had been married for years (which means those chicks are full of TONS of wisdom) but the season I was entering in was being a new wife so naturally I longed to hear from a wife who had just recently been married. So before I say anything just know this-Find a wife of many years and make her your mentor. Seriously. Do it. It's the best! But now I will give you the knowledge I have from being married for half of a year.

1) Give up on the idea of being a perfect wife like now. As I just put my last load of laundry in the washer I am thinking to myself that I still do this. I am constantly frustrated that I don't have home cooked meals prepared for my husband, loads of laundry complete and put away everyday, dishes clean and in the cabinets every morning, prayers sent up to heaven by the time my husband wakes up, encouragement dripping from my tongue the minute something goes wrong. You get the picture. I am just frustrated with myself all the time but I shouldn't be. I try too hard to live up to Proverbs 31 that it almost drives me insane and that was not the purpose of it when God breathed those beautiful guidelines into scripture. Your husband does not expect perfection. Ever. Breathe that in and then let it resonate in your soul.

2) Never underestimate the power of respect. I am learning this one STILL. If you have not read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs then you need to read it. For real. It's amazing. It continually blows my mind at how wrong I was about my husband needing constant love from me. He needs my respect more. I can't explain it to be honest but the book says it all and it will do wonders for your marriage.

3) Prayer. This is the one I suck at the most. I forget to pray for my husband throughout the day. I'm getting better at it but if I would have remembered it from day one our marriage would be way more blessed than it is right now. Holy. Goodness. Your marriage will be crazy filled by the Holy Spirit if you're praying. Not just for him but for your home, your future children, his wisdom, your wisdom, his job, your job, your intimacy with each other, etc the list goes on and on. Never underestimate the power of a prayer, yes but also never underestimate the power of your prayers as the wife. It will blow your mind.

4) You are a team. There is a reason you are called Ezer Kenegdo in Genesis. It's because you are exactly that-You are his help mate. Marriage works best when you're being a team player. You should be working together not against each other. My husband and I do have our individual strengths, trust me. He is not allowed to do laundry for example. If he did he would throw everything together instead of separating darks, colors, towels, etc. And I don't touch the bills. I forget things way too easily to pay our bills. That has remained his job. And for each couple it's different. There are definitely things that he does better than me and vice versa so we leave it up to the individual but we are a team, always. We do life together, never separately. All decisions we have made for our lives have been together. They have been hashed out and dealt with as a team. Hence the reason we only waited 3 months to get pregnant. That was just our choice, it's not for everyone and we totally understand that but that was a decision we prayed over together and talked about incessantly from the minute we said "I do." So whatever path you walk in your marriage just remember to walk side by side. You were taken from his rib, not his head or feet. Don't forget that.

5) Sex. We all knew it was coming. I feel I shouldn't say much on this subject because I have no idea who will read this but for you girls who I now have waited with your fiance until your wedding night just know this- sex is POWERFUL in your marriage. Just this morning I heard a comedian talking about how once you're married you stop having sex. Obviously this comedian was talking about the worldy view of marriage not the God centered one. I read somewhere that sex is like a silent cheer for men. And a mentor of mine (who has been married to her husband for years now) said that sex for men is like an ego boost. And i completely agree with all of that but what bothers me is that no one says what sex for the wife is like. I believe it's healing especially when you have a past that you're not proud of. It's also an intimacy with God and my husband that I really can't explain. Everyones view on sex is different that's for sure but don't forget that it's for you just as much as it's for your husband. It should be an equal share in it in my opinion. Sex makes or breaks your marriage. It truly does. All other thoughts on this subject should be said privately. I'm sure some people reading this aren't too happy about this part (sorry.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts. My 6 months of wisdom. And all 5 of those things are things I still learn as we go. Marriage is tough and beautiful and crazy and exciting and healing and intimate and honestly the best blessing you could ever receive. I love being married. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. Soak in as much advice as you can from all of the wives you trust and love. They know what's up! I love you ladies and I'm praying for your marriages. Get ready, it's awesome!

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