Slap-you-in-the-face kind of humbling

10:25 AM

Wednesday night was rough. Actually, it wasn't rough at all but all the little things from that day piled on and by night fall I felt wrecked. I think it mostly started when Kaleb told me he didn't have Thursday off with me. I was pretty bummed. I had a whole day planned out for us (because I rarely get out of the apartment) so I was kinda irritated when his boss gave him Friday off instead of Thursday. Seriously, Bre? Not that big of a deal, girl. Trust me I know. The rest of the day went bad when only 4 of my life group girls said that they could come to life group that night. I had a very special lesson planned which couldn't be taught to only 4 of them. It was like a bonding and strengthening community type lesson so the other girls would have been missing out if I would have taught it when they weren't there. As a life group leader that totally bums you out.

And then the house smelled horrible because of the baked potatoes in the oven, the tilapia was not as yummy as I hoped it would be, and I burned the muffins for my girls. 

What a tragedy, right? No I know. It was not a big deal at all but to my almost-17 weeks-pregnant self it really was a travesty. I decided that 15 minutes before my girls arrived I would sob quietly in the kitchen. That way I could emerge relaxed and fine once they arrived. I sat down and looked at what my lesson would have been about and realized the very thing I did (crying in the kitchen when no one was there) was exactly what I was going to teach on. Obviously not about crying but just about letting your community, your life group, your girls...see your pain, feel your hurt, walk with you and help carry your burdens. If I'm honest all of those things weren't the real problem. They just added to the mess that I felt I was already knee deep in. But I couldn't admit that, right? I'd lose face or ground in some weird way. 

Man, Jesus knows how to humble you and slap you in the face all at the same time. Dang. 

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