But, my First Love...

11:12 AM

It's Friday but Sunday is coming.
It's dark but soon there will be light.
It's confusing but peace is coming.
It's winter but spring is coming.
It's hard now but soon this will come to pass.
It's quiet but rejoicing will begin soon. 
There is brokenness but restoration is coming. 

He's on the cross but He will rise!

I haven't been reflecting on Holy Week as much as I should at all. I have been stressing with Kaleb over the countless phone calls and emails he has been making/sending just trying to get one of these supervisor positions that I haven't really given any thought to this day. But alas it is here and I'm here trying to figure out how to explain Good Friday to a 9 month old who can't really understand very much when in reality he can understand more than I give him credit for. He senses tones and cries when I tell him no and smiles when I laugh with him. Then this came in the mail for him today from his great grandparents

It's small and simple but when I flipped through the pages I found the crucifixion and ressurection were both in there. So I read to him and he sat running his hand over the picture of Jesus on the cross and I wept. 
Though he doesn't understand the man on the cross, he does see him even when I don't. But there he is in cartoon form hanging from the cross and my stomach is in knots because I can't bear to see my first love nailed to that piece of wood. Even in a children's book it makes my heart ache. I sat there thinking how He shouldn't have done that for us because look at the mess we've made for ourselves and gently there's this-"there's still more to be done." 

It is finished didn't mean HE was done but that IT is done. His blood shed to make a way for us but He isn't done with me or you or Elijah or Kaleb and I can't imagine what else He could possibly do for me and my family. We've already been blessed beyond measure and selfishly I want more knowing I don't deserve it. I want to sit and bask in His presence and say nothing else except thank You and I love You. Over and over again that's all I want to say. Simple words that have such huge intention and meaning behind them. 

Lord, I can't articulate what You mean to me. You are literally the great I Am. All else fades away, passes, and changes but you, my Heavenly Sweetheart, you stay the same. You'll never leave me or forsake me and so I'll hold on until I see Your face. I'll seek You long after You reveal Yourself. I'll knock even after You open the door. I'll run after You even after You've met with me where I'm at. I'll never stop even when it seems too hard because nothing but the blood...

"From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?' Which means 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' When some of those standing there heard this, they said, 'He's calling Elijah.' Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink. the rest said 'Now leave him alone. let's see if Elijah comes to save him.' And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit." Matthew 27:45-50

But He will rise! 

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