Baby,
Something is on my heart heavy today. It's like a weight I can't push off until I tell you. Because I know kid's grow up hearing things and then wondering for themselves if it's true or not. So to clear the air-You were planned. I mean literally. Daddy and I planned for you to be here, we prayed about it, we got counsel over it (actually I got counsel from one person over it but she is someone who I get all of my wise counseling from. She is my mentor). You were intentionally thought out, my baby. And that's a hard pill for some people to swallow. Not that it was wrong but a lot of people have opinions on our timeline for things. We rush to quickly and don't think these things through but I've been thinking about you since I was 17. After a traumatic event that year (which I will tell you about when you're much older) I was growing with the Lord. I hadn't given my heart to Him yet but I was working towards it. Something He sweetly whispered to me one night was "I'm taking care of that baby. Don't you worry." And from that day I knew you would never come at the wrong time. Sometimes I feel like we think about things almost too much. When God tells you to go, please go. If He tells you to be a missionary in Ethiopia, go. If He tell's you to be a pastor, go. If He tells you to sing, do it. If He tell's you to be bold, BE BOLD! There isn't enough time left to let fear control your direction in life. Read that again-There isn't enough time left to let fear control your direction in life. That's not said to scare you, my sweet baby. That's said to let you know that you should live out your life for Christ now instead of later.
He's tangible. Know that now. That's something I've spent my whole life (my new life) trying to wrap my head around. He's forming you in my womb right now. He's moving things around inside of me so you can grow and be healthy. He's molding your future spouse. He's in our home. He reigns inside of our hearts. He's there every time I cried over you. He's there when you have your first heartbreak. He's there when you decide on your path. He's there when you walk into your first grade class. He's there when you fall of your bike for the first time. He was right next to daddy when he found his father passed away. He was there when I tried to hide. He's there. He's real. You can touch Him. You can speak to Him and He will always speak to you. And I am a living witness that He. Never. Leaves.
He never leaves us, baby. Through tears now, I can tell that I still struggle with that myself. He walks with me and He'll walk with you soon enough. So, never let others dictate your next move in life. If you're praying about it and God is speaking to you on it then go. Just go.
I love you,
Mommy
P.S. Thanks for waving to me yesterday on the screen. I cried my eyes out in front of the ultrasound technician but it was so worth it.
To my sweet unborn baby,
It feels weird writing to you from beyond the womb. Humorous huh? ;] You'll discover I'm pretty funny but dad is HILARIOUS! He keeps the laughter flowing in our home. Another thing that feels weird is being pregnant at 21 or being pregnant 4 months into being married. These are things you won't understand for a while (a LONG LONG while). But when you do I will be ready (but probably not enthusiastic) to explain what I mean by all of that. I've been thinking about this for a while now. Things I could write to you about and one day, when you're old enough, you can read them and together we can see how much my heart grew through carrying you. I keep thinking of the college aged you. I guess because that's what stage everyone is at in my life. You'll hear daddy and I talk about Chi Alpha a lot and that's probably because you'll grow up in it. You'll grow up in this ministry for college students because that's what daddy wants to do. He wants to teach college students. He wants to be a pastor of a Chi Alpha and by the time you read these I'm sure he will be. Chi Alpha is something that changed both of our lives but only because of the One who brought us there. I hope to raise you in Him, this man that you'll grow up knowing and loving. And one day on your own you will have to choose for yourself to follow Him. That day, my sweet baby, will mark your life forever. Trust me, I know. I can't wait to share with you my story of accepting Christ and I know daddy can't wait either.
You are marked already though. God has a plan for you, baby. A plan that I will try desperately to pray about and over you. People are already praying for you actually. There is an army of leaders, church members, friends, and family praying for you all the time and my heart bursts over that. My pastor's wife has already proclaimed many things over you through prayer over me. She proclaimed that you will reach nations and further the Kingdom and I believe you will. All of this wouldn't make sense if you read these at 5 years old but when you're older you will know.
I'm trying to be patient in my wait to meet you but 7 more months seems like an eternity. The novelty of pregnancy hasn't exactly clicked with me yet. Maybe soon it will when my tummy grows more and I find out what you are (though daddy and I already know in our hearts). I want to say that I'll always protect you and for the most part that will be true but there is a true growth that happens when you go out from underneath my wing. When you experience loss and heart break and frustration and confusion and the surpassing peace you'll never be able to explain...growth happens. I'm already praying for those moments in hopes that you will know who to turn to and that you will always know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who is in love with you (Psalm 139:14).
Love,
Mommy
When I look around my house I see table top's that almost can't be seen because of the scattered messe of bills, food, dishes, and random things. I look around and see a ripped a couch and empty book shelves begging to hold our DVD's again but won't until we move. I see a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house with cluttered rooms; half packed, half scattered.
I can smell the garbage disposal which is broken again. It is not a pleasant smell. I walk into the livingroom and smell "love story" by Scentsy warming my new/old vintage table I swiped from my mom's house over Thanksgiving break.
I want so badly to be the wife whose home is always immaculate. Whose home doesn't scream-CLEAN ME all the time. Whose laundry is caught up and whose to-do list is completely checked off. Whose husband has a meal ready and on the table each day at his desired time. Who doesn't have to order pizza because she forgot to set the chicken out again. Who has mason jars surrounding her kitchen counters filled to the brim with homemade spices and jams. Whose room is always set to a romantic vibe and not cluttered with laundry needing to be folded and put away.
But sadly I am not this wife and lately I've been ok with that. My home is lived in. We always have people over. Prayers are prayed in my living room by my life group, stories are shared, tears are shed, laughter is held and the love is deep...flowing through my door way. Kids play here. A 5 year old and 4 year old use my old make-up brushes as microphones as they sing to radio disney songs on Pandora. 2 toddlers stumble around trying to steal each other's sippy cups but secretly I think they're best friends. My hallway is turned into a "cave" while the back of my couch is turned into a piano. The imagination runs wild here by my sweet friend's kid's.
We're moving to something smaller but I believe the love, prayer's, and imagination will follow us there. And one day she'll be there too.
Oh goodness! I feel like I haven't updated anyone on the Hargrove home in quite some time. Though, it's really just been a couple of weeks. So here we go (it's going to go fast, folks):
-our lease was suppose to be up Nov. 30th
-it is now up at the end of December
-we were going to move into a cute town home
-we are now looking for a small apartment
-Kaleb is currently looking for a new job
-he has a bad sinus infection in which I had to take him to the ER a couple of weeks ago
-I got this whole week off (not planned) it was all very random
-Kaleb and I have been at my parents house all week. Enjoying time with family. It's been really nice actually.
-I have still not registered us for TWMS but that's the first thing I'm doing when I get home tomorrow.
-last weekend I was the guest speaker at the Phi Lamb retreat. Very cool.
-Thanksgiving was a huge success. I made a German Chocolate cake (my mom had to instruct me of course)
-black Friday shopping was an even bigger success. Please with all the sales we came upon.
-I have bigger updates coming in the next 2 weeks or so.
My only request is that you read this and then pray for us, please? We are entering into some exciting/scary/amazing seasons that (when I have time and I'm not updating from my phone) I will gladly share with you. I am also trying to come out of a funk recently so prayers for that would be nice as well. I think I always get funky around the holidays. It's the whole missing people who aren't here anymore and busyness that seems to always get me down a bit. Thank you friends!!
Sabrina isn't a cover up name to protect the innocent. It's actually the name of my sweet friend who just joined in on No make-up November.
This is Sabrina. This is an old profile picture I stole from her Facebook so it's already been pre approved for people to see right? Girls do that a lot. We check out pictures, look at them very closely, before we decide to make them our profile picture but even so Sabrina would probably look at this picture and say something about her eyebrows, or her smile, or the way her head is cocked to the side.
She would have criticisms for herself because that's what we do. We pick out so many flaws in the mirror that by the time we leave it, we're dissatisfied with the final product of how our face and hair look. And this....this is normal.
Today, Sabrina told me she was doing No make-up November. She told me this while having make up on her face. I laughed at her thinking she's silly and then ironically the Lord spoke to me in that situation. There is a true brokeness in the girls participating in No make up November. We literally think we can't live without it. We pick at our flaws so much that there is nothing left of ourselves. The point in this month of no make up isn't so we will look in the mirror and become sad for an entire month but to see what the King sees in us. He created us without make up on our face. Just the way we are. Bare faced. He's already named us beautiful before we grew up and tried our hardest to cover up things we think are flaws. So who stands up for her face? Sabrina's face. Who will look at it and piece back together everything she's knocked down. I will!
Sabrina, this picture does her no justice. She has beautifully dark skin and hair. White, perfectly straight teeth. Gorgeous eyes, full of love! Don't even get me started on her bone structure. Holy goodness! High cheek bones and a pretty jaw line. But that's nothing compared to what the Lord says about her. He says He is enthralled by her beauty. Enthralled. The King Himself is Enthralled by you.
To that friend you have who doesn't always realize how absolutely breath taking she is. Fight for her! Fight for the features that she speaks against. Remind her what the King says. Because sometimes that's all we need to hear.
November came fast, didn't it? Now it's the month where guys are incessantly blowing up my Facebook newsfeed talking about No shave November and how they will have the most "epic beard" ever. Silly guys.
Well, last year a sweet girl I met a couple of years ago on a mission trip invited me to this event called No make-up November. I read through and considerably weighed out whether I should participate or not and I ended on not. For the life of me I can't remember any real reasons why I didn't participate. Just the simple fact that I didn't want to walk around work, church, etc with people asking me if I was sick or something. Ha! Lets be honest, that's not a good enough reason.
If you want to understand more about No make-up November, go here and if you would like to know the amazing woman of God who started this whole thing, just go add her-Jayce Jane. She doesn't bite. I promise!
So here's where the vulnerability comes into play. I am so afraid of doing this. I'm sure I can go strong for a little while. I can ride on the high of embracing a new challenge but honestly I'm scared of what will happen when that high fades away and I'm left staring into the mirror dying to throw some mascara on my blonde eyelashes. First thing I did was dump out my make-up bag to see what I will be doing without for this month.
Honestly, all I wear out of these few items are the mascara and eye liner. Occasionally, if I'm breaking out, I use the concealer but still-I wear the mascara and eyeliner EVERY. DAY. So this is still a big deal for me.
After I saw what I would be missing out on I then cleaned my face. I mean if people will only be seeing my skin I could at least make sure it's clean right?
Yes, I know. Super attractive!
I guess I'm ready? I'm excited to stumble through this challenge and see how I can do and how I can better use the time of getting ready, to hear more from the Lord. Also, I feel when the Lord is at the center of a challenge and you expect to hear from Him on it, He will speak softly to your heart and reveal the beauty of your soul. Jayce put it best when she said "We are not making makeup an enemy—just taking it off its lofty pedestal. "
Join us!
I'm normally trying to fall asleep by now. Goodness, where has my youth gone? And it will be a lot worse when I have a baby...some day.
I wonder who even reads my blogs? If I never posted them to FB would they be seen at all?
I am sitting here, perusing different blogs and I'm totally jealous of all the comments and responses they get to their blogs. I have no idea how but someday I will be in this blog circuit.
All that is on my mind right now is the what if's.
Oh, those what if's. They can ruin a good nights rest quickly.
